Reviews for Innocentia Disperitum
Rayless Night chapter 1 . 8/28/2007
Nicely done character study of Bill and the twins. I especially like how you show how interlocked the lives of siblings are, and the shock that comes from seeing your siblings after long stretches of time. Very believable.

Some concrit:

1. It's been ages since I took Latin too, but the title seems a bit funky. Is Disperitum from dispertio? That means "divided" more than "lost". Maybe avia is more what you want; when applied to people, it means "astray, lost".

Also, keep in mind that innocentia doesn't mean "innocence" in the strictly English sense. It means more "harmlessness", "inoffensiveness" or "integrity" than what we think of as innocence. Maybe simplicitas ("simplicity") would be better?

2. I felt that what you were describing the twins -their rambunctious behavior, their zest for life- it wasn't really about innocence. It was joy at living, more, so I felt Bill's comment about George's innocence being lost was a non sequitor. It's a loss of happiness, familiarity and security, but it's not innocence... unless, of course, the twins believed that the security they got from each other could never be taken away and Fred's death has now opened George's eyes. That would be very believable. If that was what you were going for, I think you should have stressed the twins' confidence in each other more.

But aside from those points, this was very well done. Showing the death through Bill's lens was a unique choice to make and, in this peice, is very effective. I like how honestly you portrayed his emotions.
VoicezWithin chapter 1 . 8/27/2007
heartbreaking. truly devestating and heartbreaking. (
KrystalB2003 chapter 1 . 8/27/2007
Poinient and beautifully written! I love that this is from Bill's point of view.

The last paragraph is such a stark contrast to his other contemplations on the twins. I just want to grab them all up in a big hug. :(
Bad Mum chapter 1 . 8/25/2007
Love it, especially the last paragraph.
RFLupin chapter 1 . 8/25/2007
That was sweet, and so true. I think everyone was expecting one of the Trio to die in DH (Harry, at least, the whinger), and then JKR goes and kills Fred. Everytime I see him in the books now, I get teary.

This was wonderfully done, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

R. F. Lupin
Malvolia chapter 1 . 8/25/2007
I can only just imagine how diminishing it would be to lose a sibling, let alone a twin. Poor George...and all of them...

I especially liked this line: "Being the eldest brother of Fred and George always felt as though it had demanded far more energy than being Head Boy." Nice insight into how Bill's character was formed by his family.
21 | « Prev Page 1 2