|Reviews for The Mourner|
| Kehlen chapter 9 . 11/20/2007
This is fantastic.
I could almost feel the yellowish paper of those oldish books under my fingers as I was reading the story.
Thank you so much for this wonderful story!
| PotionPolice chapter 9 . 11/19/2007
Magnificent! This is truly a jewel of fanfiction. Congratulations! Please continue writing.
| Luthien and Tari chapter 9 . 11/19/2007
The end! I loved this story so much! Very well-written and planned. Hope to see more from you soon!
| Lady Avarice chapter 9 . 11/19/2007
I was a bit leery when I first started reading this story. Now though it's defiantely going on my favorites list. Extremely well written and heart warming I'll definately recommend it as a read to friends. Bravo!
| tambrathegreat chapter 9 . 11/19/2007
Oh, so good. I love that Severus does end up writing to Harry Potter. I love that Proserpina chooses Severus over wealth. What an enjoyable and satisfying read. Great job.
| brenda-wood-sheil chapter 9 . 11/19/2007
this was absolutely amazing
it was well written well crafted and proserpina is very noble in her simple acceptance of love and life and wrong and right
If you decide to pursue this further you could do a sequel where she and albus marry and have a child and severus has a baby in the house again - even if its just to visit
I loved how he gave her the order of merlin and what it signified
he makes an amazing father to her
| duj chapter 9 . 11/19/2007
For some reason, the present tense bothers me in this chapter, where it didn't in previous ones. I can't quite put my finger on it, but maybe it's because of the mix of present and past tense, especially at the beginning. My brain geared up for past tense with the first sentence and then stumbled over the change.
Ending with a prefigured reconciliation instead of romance or meetings was just right. the story isn't about Prserpina or Albus or Harry; it's about Snape, from mourning to brightness.
| Blackpenny chapter 9 . 11/19/2007
This story is very well-written and the atmosphere is lovely, but it feel like it comes from another time? Why isn't Proserpina looking at college catalogues and enjoying muggle culture? It's not as if she has any future in the wizarding world as a squib, and it's not like getting married at 17, or keeping house for her aging father is any kind of a life.
| CoyoteWolf chapter 8 . 11/19/2007
Aw. Lil girl rocks. Stupid Malfoys.
| vaila chapter 8 . 11/19/2007
This story is so heartbreaking! I cried like a baby! It is very well written. I congratulate you - extremely well thought of. I like it very much and I hope you will update as soon as possible. Keep on the good job!
| The Fluffy Ball chapter 8 . 11/19/2007
What a good update. Funny how similar her birth name is to her real name. I hate to say it, it sounds like a mary sue name, though that is understandable given the Wizarding world's penchant for giving kids odd names.
Poor Sev, worried she'd leave him. The guy needs a hug.
| spikesbitch chapter 8 . 11/18/2007
i am so proud of snape right now.
| Nadrek chapter 8 . 11/18/2007
The mutual support between Severus and Proserpina is well done. Severus being so slow on the draw was not - he still has too many enemies to be that incapable.
Draco insulting Proserpina at the end was foolish indeed, and in character, I think - particularly abandoning her all those years, as well. One almost thinks Draco was there solely to try and comfort his wife.
| Lucrecia LeVrai chapter 8 . 11/17/2007
Overall, I must admit I like this story; I was glad when I saw the eight chapter today, and I'm already looking forward to another update. The first two chapters were nothing short of brilliant; I could really picture post-war Snape refusing both Minerva's apology and the governors' offer to resume his post, choosing instead to withdraw from society. I also liked how you handled Snape's relationship with Harry – nothing's changed in past twenty-odd years, the professor still refuses to touch most of his former pupil's letters... that's rather believable. Besides, the scene with the Order of Merlin was great, too.
As for the adopted daughter... Well, the idea seems very nice to me, and Persephina is a likeable character, but still, I find her dangerously close to a Mary Sue. *gasp* No, really. She's a bit too perfect for my taste. Pretty, loving, always telling the truth, immensely compassionate. No matter how hard I look, I can't see any flaws, and that's not normal. (By the way: don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to bash your OC. It's clear to me that your writing is far better than anything a typical MS-authoress could produce, thus I don't hold you for one. Still, certain critical things need to be said, if only for the sake of making this review somewhat meaningful.)
So, back to Persephina. Don't you think that being raised by Snape would make her at least a little more sarcastic, witty and cynical, if only in the way she speaks? Why didn't she inherit any of his mannerisms? Moreover, she's a teenager now, and yet she never shows any sign of rebellion against her adoptive father, as /any/ other teenager would – she even offers to ditch her (sort of) new (boy)friend for her father's sake, which is weird as hell, if you'd ask me. And she's never lied to him? Not even once? ...She's not human, then. :)
I was puzzled by how quickly she grew attached to Snape at the age of three – she was a big girl by then, she ought to have remembered and missed her mother, at least at the beginning. Three-year-olds can be very vocal, too, so why wasn't she shouting for her mama and dada? (I can picture the Malfoys as unaffectionate parents, but still, a little girl is bound to love her parents unconditionally, as you later showed so well in Snape's case. She should miss them for a while, before she forgets them.)
Isn't she even the slightest bit upset/disappointed with her inability to perform magic. She was raised in a wizarding environment, after all, she's supposed to feel a little ill at ease among wizards, no matter what, and yet you never mention it.
Last but not least, her reaction to the Malfoys' visit seemed slightly off to me. I know Draco and Demetria behaved like complete jerks in the eight chapter (coaxing her with money, of all things!), and that her choice between them and Snape was blatantly obvious, but still... they're her biological parents. I think she's supposed to have at least /some/ mixed feelings about them – isn't she even a tiny bit interested in getting to know them, or, more importantly, finding out more about her twin brother? (How would /you/ react if two unknown people appeared on /your/ doorstep, claiming they were your real parents, and that you had a late /twin/ brother? I'd say I'd at least hear them out properly, even if they acted horribly towards my surrogate parents. I'd try to force as much information out of them as possible, before throwing them out, and so on.)
...Um, that review grew much longer than necessary, didn't it? *gulps* Well, let me reassure you: I really like your story, the whole concept and the way it's written. Persephina /is/ a perfectly likeable original chara, and no, she doesn't steal the spotlight from anyone, certainly not from Snape, like a /true/ Mary Sue /would/. I just left like pointing out a few shortcomings in her character, which could be summed up with three words: "lack of flaws". I'd be really great if you striped her of some of her angelic charm. :)
Other than that, I have absolutely no complains. Can't wait for a new chapter, so please, update soon!
| duj chapter 8 . 11/17/2007
Draco is armoured in impudence. Life hasn't improved him, I see.