|Reviews for Evangelion: Awakening|
| tonytaker chapter 1 . 10/30/2014
why did you kill asuka
i was liking it but you killed asuka you lost me as a reader
| dreaper3450 chapter 1 . 5/19/2013
it was too good to put in words
| Celebrian-22 chapter 1 . 6/15/2009
Wow awesome story! Well thought out, even though some parts were a bit hazy, and it had a pretty sucky ending...but all in all a pretty great story! Keep up the good work D
| Rose1948 chapter 1 . 10/9/2008
| XRaiderV1 chapter 1 . 5/21/2008
wow, what a story, I liked it!
I must say, seeing Asuka go like that, somehow, it doesnt seem a fitting end, for such a strong, brave person like her.
something tells me, she'd have rather gone out defending the one closest to her.
that said, great story.
| Razgrizblaze1 chapter 1 . 4/8/2008
Well, you did it...you actually completed the story and, in my opinion, with mixed results. Although the entire arc isn't over, I'll leave a score for this story and review what you have for the next.
The Bad: Okay, you finally got those transitions in there and the story finally runs in an understandable manner. However, for a story, this is incredibly short and leaves little back story for Shinji and Asuka's missing years. Lots of questions are left over, such as how did Asuka get hooked on drugs? How did Shinji meet Jessica? What's Jessica's back story? What the hell happened to Kensuke to make him a psychotropic pilot? It's short, it's finished, and it leaves a lot to be desired. Once again, the whole invincibility factor comes into account with the ADAM project, but at least you explained its inner workings well enough. Yes, this is an above average story, but it still has some major flaws that seem to drag it down. This story, on its own, could have several smaller stories built right into it!
The Good: Active description as a whole is pretty good and the plot is entertaining to read. Your ending twist was definitely the coup de grat, though I won't spoil it here for any readers looking at reviews first. Your story is still growing and this leaves room for great improvments and strives in the bends and twists in the plot. An Author must always be bold in convincing his audience, whether or not he/she really did anything to the characters. For example, if Asuka and Jessica both came back miraculously, that would be predictable, mundane and boring. But if you were to find an excuse that nobody would expect than it can be done. (Note: Young Boch has killed and brought characters back to life and he did it without killing the story...but you'll have to read his fics to find out how. Hint: It's his longest story!)
Conclusion: Though this counts as one story, it's missing about two or three mini-stories that keep it from being whole. Filling in these gaps, via flashbacks or a seperate story, would create a grander view of your Fan Fic. I plan to follow this story to the end and hopefully you'll be able to put everything into perspective, without forcing me to swallow it down. This story has a ways to go before it can be considered a great work, but it's not impossibly far from it either!
My score: 7/10
| SithKnight-Galen chapter 1 . 4/5/2008
Very interesting story, even if a few people had to die, or did they really if Shinji is now harnessing some of the power of the ADAM project core? I cannot wait to see what you have in store for the sequel, as it feels that you have something planned for that one...besides, does Shinji really need that kind of misery...AGAIN, right after he finally found peace...and Damn, I must admit, seems that Asuka couldn't get any breaks there. Wow.
| Alex XIII chapter 1 . 9/12/2007
there was stuff you didnt explain though, like how in the movie you didnt mentionwhen reis big head and arm fall off her body and landed on the earth, or how eva 1 floated off into space but here its found on the shore, and how the dead ppl like misato came back to friggin life!
| Razgrizblaze1 chapter 6 . 8/30/2007
I know I should be working on Chapter 10 of my own story, but I decided to take a small detour here. I can see that it was worth it...for the most part.
Getting back on topic, this story is a worthy attempt at a Shinji/Asuka love-drama. The execution was neatly done, a mix of jealousy and mis-understanding, but there was just no original flare. Some parts of the story I've seen done before, and in some cases done better. Also, I dislike time jumps in the middle of a story...mostly if they're greater than 1 year. The 'Shinji leaves NERV-or-something and comes back hotter than ever' story arc has been officially over-played. Finally on the heavily negative side, you have no signs of transition. I got lost between the Aida shoots the head of NERV's First branch and the talking of SEELE. I almost thought Kensuke had killed Lorenz Keel.
Alright, now on to the good (You probably have been waiting for this now, or you just skipped my criticism.) Your story has a nice flow to it, save for the transitions, and the chapter length is decent. Character thoughts are displayed clearly and your visual descriptions 'Show' rather than 'tell.' (Which is good by the way) Also, I enjoyed many parts of it...for some reason...(And I don't mean the lemon, fyi!)
So there you have it, what I think is good and what I think is in need of improvment. Truthfuly, this story is better than some more recent ones and deserves to stay. Just keep working and fix (at least) the minor bugs. Hope this helps in some way.
-Blaze (I've tried fan art, maybe you've had more luck than me!)
Aditional note: The 'God' or 'ADAM' card is not the best one to play. It makes shinji seem too invincible and I would personally avoid something like that in any story (For the most part anyway). I beleive the most 'Dramatically Relevent' time to use something like that would be more towards the END of a story!
| Dr. Nova chapter 1 . 8/30/2007
USE TRANSITIONS! You can't go jumping from one group's dialogue to another's without saying the scene changed! If you're using a scene format then everytime you jump to a new location with new people...ITS A NEW SCENE! Tell the readers where they are in the story because trying to figure it out by context is a pain and detracts intrest from the story. Your ideas are a worthy effort so far. FIX IT AND YOU MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING THAT CAN BE CONSIDERED GOOD!
| CrazyKidDeath chapter 6 . 8/29/2007
lol, Shinji inherites the sexy god gene from his old man, there's got to be something in that family that just makes the ladies fall for them
| bigguy1234 chapter 6 . 8/29/2007
awesome keep up the work hoppe to see the next chapter soon till then see ya