|Reviews for Final Sentence|
| Starsy Skye chapter 1 . 10/9/2007
::sniff:: Aw. I love it. I have wondered about Aravis' olde brother, and I like your portrayal. :) But so sad! The letter never reached her? :( She never knew he had met Aslan? I hope she found out somehow. Poor Aravis. They must have been close... ::sniffs bravely:: Beautifully done!
| ReviewsGalore chapter 1 . 10/2/2007
Story: 9.25/10. I love the idea behind the story, though I was a little unsure of where it was going at first. I liked the way you ended it.
Characters: 9.25/10. Such a short fic and I already feel that I know the character. Your presentation of the Northerners is also very nice, though I sometimes wonder if you don't make them look too good.
Creativity: 9.75/10. Just the type of creativity that I like to see. There are no other stories in the fandom quite like and it fits in very well with the canon.
Writing: 9.5/10. The style is a little hard to read until you get used to it, but I can't get over how well you've mastered it. I think I noticed one or two typos.
Believability: 9.25/10. Well, he does seem to change his opinions a bit too completely for my tastes, but the way you've portrayed the world just feels so real.
Overall: 9.5/10. Really good story. You've mastered the Calormen style, it is original and fits in well with the Narnian world.
| Aslan's Lamb chapter 1 . 9/20/2007
The Calormene style of writing is perfect. I didn't even notice at what point I began to care about Aravis' brother, but by the end, my heart was breaking for him. Beautiful story. Only one small comment: We can understand King Lune speaking in such a formal manner but why would Corin? In the book, Corin speaks just like a regular young boy, not at all like a lord or a prince.
| preciousjewl chapter 1 . 9/15/2007
I did like it at first, but then it ended abruptly, and without the letter reaching Aravis. I liked the idea, but wish you would have ended it another way.
| Andi Horton chapter 1 . 9/7/2007
This was a treat to read the first time, and even more a treat the second, since it was my reward to myself for getting the baking dishes washed!
As usual, your writing is fluid and highly evocative, and your command of the poetic speech of the Calormenes was delightful. It was quite in keeping with Lewis's depiction of it in HHB, and you carried it out faithfully without making it heavy-handed.
The subject matter was extremely stirring, too; it never fails to delight me what a plethora of characters Lewis has given us to flesh out. He makes so many passing references to all sorts of characters, it's enough to keep a writer busy for years! I especially like it that you made the story told to Aravis a lie, that her brother didn't really die fighting back the rebels but rather somewhere else entirely. It adds to the mystery of it, and I think to the tragedy, too, that they will never know the real story. The sensitivity and the quality of reflection you've given your narrator only increase the poignancy of his words, and the death we know awaits him.
I think I especially like that you tell the reader right at the beginning what will happen; we don't care that much when we first read it, but by the time we reach the end, we're desperate for it to not be true, or at least for the letter to reach Aravis. And really, I do think she was in the story, in her own way; her brother's love and concern for her speaks volumes to the quality of relationship they share.
The one thing that tripped me up was near the beginning. I am not entirely sure that it would be "whence travel you" . . . for some reason my brain keeps trying to stick an auxiliary verb in there to complete it, making it "whence do you travel" or at a stretch "whence travellest thou?" But it's late, and my brain may just be getting malicious on me :P
In any event, this was exquisite; such a lovely, bittersweet piece. I enjoyed it immensely, but then, that comes as no surprise ;)
| elecktrum chapter 1 . 9/7/2007
This was nothing short of beautiful - the language, the descriptions, the change of heart for a man that is truly noble. You fit this in seamlessly with HHB, and even though Aravis never did see the letter she nonetheless managed to follow her brother's wishes. I wonder if Lune and Corin ever told her the story of their Tarkaan guest - it would have comforted her greatly, I think.
Bravo Zulu. Excellent story!
| Thalion King's Daughter chapter 1 . 9/6/2007
You wrote this in under an hour! This is a very, very good story for so short a time or even a longer one. I think you did an excellent job of portraying the formal Calormene speaking style within the letter. The description of the change in the Tarkaan's heart is well done. I think that Corin and Lune are also appropriately written.
Thalion, King's Daughter
| almostinsane chapter 1 . 9/2/2007
Great story! GO ARAVIS'S BROTHER! I believe his name is Aashir, but that might just be a name for him in a fanfiction I read. Anyway, thanks so much for writing this! God bless!
| lightsabermaster chapter 1 . 9/2/2007
Wow, quite the interesting story beginning! I can't wait to read more! :) Oh, and I love that you can write in the Calormene style and make it sound right. I don't think I could do that! Well done.
| Petraverd chapter 1 . 9/2/2007
Meant to review this a while ago, but it slipped my mind among all the other things I meant to do that day... but I'm reviewing now! Never fear!
Anyway, there's a lot I thought about with this piece. First off, I thought it was really interesting to take such an in-depth glimpse at a character that's only mentioned in passing. There's so many of those, and even some of the more fleshed-out characters could use some spotlight when it comes to fanfics. I applaud your willingness to do something very different, and even more for pulling it off so well!
Another thing is the wonderful way you pull off the Calormene style of speech. It's a tricky thing to make it sound convincing, and you did it very well. And yet another thing - it's not just the Calormene speech you do well, you do a great job with Calormene culture in general! It's a wonderfully unique piece, brilliantly executed. Oh, if only that letter reached Aravis... I can only image how HHB had gone if it had. But then again, maybe it was for the better - Aslan definitely pulled everything together the way it needed to happen, after all. Interesting concept, very thought-provoking, and altogether a great job. Well done!
| Capegio chapter 1 . 9/1/2007
To start, the title of this story is absolutely perfect, and I'm sure you already know why since you chose it. But the word-play is delicious and the double-meaning in "sentence" is very chilling, come the end of the story.
I had suspected this was Aravis' brother when he mentioned that she had the spirit of a warrior, and I'm amazed that you took a completely original character and fit him perfectly into C.S. Lewis's world. The diction and style were spot on, and the relation of his struggles was really touching. I loved that the Prince apologized, and I wondered if it was him right when he appeared. It seems like him to be sneaking out at night, looking for spies.
The scene with Aslan was touching and again, in keeping with Lewis' tradition. I must admit I'm not terribly fond of the blatantly racist way Lewis portrays the Calormenes, but if things really were as simple as "good Christians and bad Muslims," then this would be the way to go about it. So while the conversion would have rung a little squicky with me if it had just been from Islam to Christianity, the fact that it was from following Tash to following Aslan made it simpler, cleaner, and much more satisfying.
The end was really saddening. To see such a brave man killed, just as a new portion of his life was beginning, really put into mind the awfulness of war. That he was treated far better by his enemies than by his "friends" did kind of put a nail in the coffin of my hope for the Calormenes. Really, really well written, and very canonical even if it technically isn't canon. :)