|Reviews for Picture Box|
| thecolouryes chapter 2 . 9/7/2009
That was really cool! I really liked the idea, and it was pulled off pretty well. Good job! :D
| severineyung chapter 2 . 6/6/2009
Quite an engaging read. In particular, you revealed personalities of certain characters quite well, though of course you could always do more.
Jack for instance seems to me more aggressive, and/or belligerent. He "snaps", "glares", etc
| severineyung chapter 1 . 6/6/2009
Though I've never watched Torchwood before, I really enjoyed this!
First of all, it had an easy to read format with short concise paragraphs and scenic breaks.
I liked the opening scene with the short sentence: "A used goodstore in Cardiff." There's a sense of implied tension already.
Also I noticed the 2nd paragraph was made of all "He...He..." sentences, was this deliberate?
"He's carrying an old TV set. He puts the TV on the workbench and wipes the sweat off his forehead. He stuffs his handkerchief back in his trouser pocket. He grabs the cord of the TV and looks at the plug."
-For me, this repetition of "He" suggests something, unsettling about to come. Or maybe I'm just being over sensitive.
Another thing I like about this, are some of the descriptions of facial expressions of gestures. E.g. "Lucy gives him a look", "George rolls his eyes up at the ceiling and sighs". Yet you could include EVEN MORE of these types of descriptions, since they make the characters feel more visible nad realistic.
The short sentence use was quite effective too: “Lucy doesn't reply. She just stares at them. At Jack more particular.” (Would it be clearer to phrase this as “At Jack IN particular.” ?) This does give the reader some clue to what’s happening beneath the surface, in Lucy’s mind.
But maybe this’d be even better if you ISOLATED this series of sentences as one paragraph.
So instead of:
“Lucy doesn't reply. She just stares at them. At Jack more particular. Owen waves a hand before her eyes. She doesn't blink. Owen turns his head to look at Jack. "Great," he mutters. He puts the black case he is carrying on the table. He takes a penlight from his inside pocket and walks over to Lucy. He lifts one of her eyelids and shines the light in her eye.”
You could do:
“Lucy doesn't reply. She just stares at them. At Jack more particular.
Owen waves a hand before her eyes. She doesn't blink. Owen turns his head to look at Jack. "Great," he mutters. He puts the black case he is carrying on the table. He takes a penlight from his inside pocket and walks over to Lucy. He lifts one of her eyelids and shines the light in her eye.”
“talkactive” Don’t want to be overly picky, but it’s “talkative.”
This particular part was quite touching:
“Lucy leans against the window sill and stares at the picture.
"Are you my dad?"
The smiling faces don't reply. ”
-The short pithiness of “The smiling faces don’t reply.” creates such a poignancy here.
| socalrose chapter 2 . 3/15/2009
I liked this story. Thanks.
| freakazoid chapter 2 . 9/22/2007
I like this very much. Nice doses of humour. Fun to read.
| trecebo chapter 2 . 9/16/2007
This is a good intro for me to Torchwood, I'm thinking. I kinda dig when I can relate to a show I prolly will never actually see, but like enough to read.
| Reefgirl chapter 2 . 9/16/2007
The End? it's been a good one
| Reefgirl chapter 1 . 9/3/2007
Interesting start, it's nice to see the Wire back
| trecebo chapter 1 . 9/2/2007
Intriguing. Not having seen Torchwood AT ALL and having no clue as to what it is all about, (other than Dr. Who-ish type dealings with stuff ala X-files), I'm keeping up with this pretty well.