|Reviews for Officer Down|
| Anya chapter 6 . 6/20/2014
I'm so sorry for not having reviewed this before. Ithink I first read this piece about a couple of years back, when it only had four chapters. And oh my, it has progressed tremendously well over the last couple of years. I am so in love with it! Not once did I read this that I didn't cry! It was THAT GREAT! It reduced me to a weeping mass of a pathetic mess. I love how great you describe Nene's chivalry, and the reaction of the people around her. It just plain AWESOME! And I ship MackiexNene so please continue this fic! Keep the fire burning! Thank you so much for your time and effort! I love you!
| skywiseskychan chapter 6 . 2/24/2014
I'm sorry but this chapter is much less polished than those before it. It seems to make little sense on exactly why and how the boomers are acting and why everyone knows instantly that they are after Nene. It is written much more as a recounting of events than as a story and I really think you need to go back over it to improve the pacing and English.
Why are they treating Nene as a possible assassination target? It would make more sense to have the story deal with the hospital taking if not regular, given the cops around her, but at least only slightly increased precautions. Such as moving all the patients to the middle of the floor. The cops on duty moving to the front of the building and delaying the boomers etc. You could still have the single boomer get past them and have Mackie chasing it etc. However the comments about them being assassins comes from nowhere, and why they would leave Nene without some kind of serious watch afterward don't make sense unless they know ahead of time what is really going on.
You should make sure that the award at the end isn't coming as a surprise. The nervousness about touching a female officers breasts should be a thought rather than a very awkward explanation in the middle of the procedure.
Now I grant that in my story I am using a very limited viewpoint, but I try to only tell and show things that can be learned from it. information that is outside the characters point of view is not described. So where you have boomers sent to assasinate Nene, no one should know or realize that other than the reader. Instead you have characters taking actions based on that knowledge.
I have a BGC story here you might enjoy, and if you would like further c&c let me know.
| Edhla chapter 1 . 5/18/2013
I like how quickly and tensely this chapter is written. The dialogue works well in most places, too, though I did notice one or two punctuation errors/instances of missing punctuation that tripped me up a little. A really enjoyable chapter to read, though, nicely done :)
| Pyeknu chapter 5 . 1/19/2013
When you posted Part 5 up, the quotes were missing. You might want to check those out.
| skywiseskychan chapter 5 . 1/7/2013
I was very happy to see this story continued. It has been a while but I started by rereading chapter four, and it still hits with the emotional force of a hammer. There are some formatting issues with chapter 4 as well, it goes bold for no reason halfway through.
Now though just as we're getting hope back for Nene's survival you would have to throw in one more bit of trouble. I hope that you can give the story the emotional closure it needs. Also, I'm glad that your family member managed to recover fully.
| watchdog210 chapter 4 . 12/9/2012
Not bad. I kinda liked it. I know it's been a while since the last update but I'd like to see how this one ends.
Added to favs.
| skywiseskychan chapter 4 . 6/8/2010
I've been following this story for quite a while. I'm glad to see that your writing more on it again as it is a touching and powerful piece, I'm just sorry for the cause. I wish you and your family the best of luck.
| skywiseskychan chapter 3 . 3/3/2009
this is/was a lovely and touching story. I just hope that one day you will find your muse and continue it.
| pain88mind chapter 3 . 8/9/2008
Awesome story so far. What's gonna happen to Nene? GOTTA KNOW!
Nice ending to this chapter as well, I like the direction this is going.
| Starscream chapter 2 . 9/29/2007
I find it refreshing to see a fic based on the OAVs rather than 2040.
| Asami-chann chapter 2 . 9/22/2007
"That was cool."
The best ending line to a situation like that.
I want to know what happened to Nene!
As for constructive critism, its a little rushed. Add a little description like 'That was the last straw for Leon as rage filled him. He couldn't care less what happened to him after this but he was going to put his clentched fist so far into the guy's smart mouth that he would be spitting out his teeth for the next week...
...but suprisingly, Chief Todo beat him to it.'
Notice how it gives a better feel to the situation, ne?
You're writing skills are great and it's probably nothing that I am noticing.
Keep up the great work!
| Baka Gaijin30 chapter 1 . 9/3/2007
Not bad at all! There were grammar errors, but I'm definitely interested in where you plan on taking this story.