|Reviews for Trapped at Isengard|
| Heatblizzard chapter 7 . 9/30/2013
It's amazing how on Fanficiton there seems to be a huge polarity between extreme angst/torture and pointless humor on the other end of the scale. It's really hard to find stories that are more balanced like these.
| Heatblizzard chapter 3 . 9/30/2013
2 things I don't like about Lord Of The Rings fanfiction. Saruman while he may be corrupted he is not fully evil. Tolkien even said so. Tolkien made it so Saruman is more of a *grey zone* kinda person so I seriously doubt he is so evil that he wouldn't care about the health of The Hobbits. If anything Saruman would likely send them back to The Shire somehow to get them out of the way and then tell Gandalf that The Hobbits left for home or something.
Originally Treebeard was going to take the Hobbits home but Merry and Pippin made him change directions at the last minute to head south which is when he found out a good chunk of his forest was clear cut. If Treebeard didn't turn around he likely wouldn't have known what happened as originally he was NOT going to help during The Third War and made it very clear too.
Also People seem to forget that he (Saruman) was once a very good Maia and the Head of The Order. Saruman got interested into the ring because he thought he could use the rings powers against Sauron The Dark Lord who is actually a servent of Melkor a darker God. Saruman wounded up going crazy instead but I don't find him to be totally corrupted and there is a good chance in the right circumstances Saruman is even redeemable.
Does ANYBODY even read about the backgrounds of the important characters other then just based off of what the movies and skimming thru the books say?
| Edoc'sil of Old chapter 9 . 5/12/2008
| Hobbi chapter 1 . 5/6/2008
Ni hao Rivan (Hehehe), in a nutshell, I liked it :-)
The only negative comments I have is the grammar and spelling (which even the best of us slip up with, I constantly do). And perhaps the flow and structure of certain sentences. I understood what you were trying to say, but a few times it didn't come off as well as it could have. I'll re-read over it (only if you want) and pick out a few particulars?
I especially like the fact it featured Pip and Merry. They are exceptionally cool characters. I also liked the references you made to connect it with the trilogy. For example, the 'fool of a took'. Plus I thought the barrel idea was really clever :-) I also liked the little humorous parts, like the whole 'Mr. Saruman, Gandalf looks better in white'.
When I have more time, I'll check out some more of your stories :-)
Hope my comments helped a little.
| TheHornyVirgin chapter 9 . 10/5/2007
I really liked this tory. I thouhgt it was fuuny when Pippin told Saruman that Gandalf looked better in white than he did, but poor little Pippin, getting hit for it. Anyway, keep up the good work.(I love Merry/Pippin/angst stories!)
| Milo Pipper chapter 1 . 9/6/2007
this is a great story
| Tulip Proudfoot chapter 2 . 9/6/2007
Sorry, but the English is pretty raw in this chapter. There are many punctuation errors, capitalization errors (including not capitalizing Merry) gramatical errors and Americanisms. This is very distracting from an otherwise good story premise. In fact, I am going to opt out of reading the rest of the story due to its gramar problems.
| Tulip Proudfoot chapter 1 . 9/6/2007
I am afraid I must agree with your other reviewer. This story has promise, but the lack of proofreading is hurting it. The other reviewer is giving you very good advice. Remember, there is no mention of a diety in LOTRs, so the "...oh God..." comment is very inappropriate. A lot of writers use "...sweet Elbereth..." but I think this also would be inappropriate for Merry to say, since neither he nor Pippin speak/read Elvish, nor have they expressed interest in Elvish stories, like Frodo and Sam have. So perhaps a more generic Shire exclamation such as "...my stars..." would do.
This chapter also has some confusing sentence and paragraph structure. In multiple places pronouns are used where it is not clear exactly to whom you (the author) are referring. These problems can be corrected by a little more careful rewriting.
Also, I would have liked to have the pre-story fleshed out more. The chapter begins with a paragraph setting up the conditions of the story in a very abbreviated way. I would have liked to read how you imagined Saruman's orcs avoided the Rohirim and the three travelers, and succeeded in getting Merry and Pippin back to Orthanc.
Anyway...I hope you don't consider this to be a flame. It is not intended that way. Just some helpful pointers.
| AC2 chapter 9 . 9/6/2007
A.N. The End. Well, what do you think? This story was supposed to be a lot shorter, but I think it still turned out okay. Pippin’s angsty side came out again in this chapter, but I think it was appropriate, or maybe not? I hope you like it. Please review and tell me what you think
I think you were so eager to tell a torture hurt/comfort (the proper designation) story that you forgot that, a month later, Frodo and Sam were still in Mordor. Surely you have only watched the movies! I also think you were so eager to post stuff that you forgot about things like spelling, grammar and punctuation. To be fair to you, yours is better than a lot of those writers whose stories I end up flaming, but you still need to work on it. Finally, you are desperate for reviews, and have recieved them. Does this mean that you want to be praised or that you want to be the best writer you can be? Though I haven't exactly licked your boots, these comments are not flames either. They are concrit, and if you are willing to accept the advice I have given you, the benefits are that you will not recieve reviews as rough as those I have given you for this story again, and your writing itself will be good enough to get you to competition level. That is the aim of my reviewing, after all - I want to raise the standards of stories on this site.
I hope you found these comments helpful.
| AC2 chapter 8 . 9/6/2007
A.N. Only one chapter to go. I also don’t really like this chapter, but it’s passable. As always, please review
Reviewing. I always tell people if they are not proud of their work, don't post it. Again, I can only surmise that you're not happy with a fluffy chapter because there is nothing nasty or exciting happening here. The key to good storytelling is to be able to have a variety of stuff happening, dominated by the main genre of the piece. Fluff is as valuable as comic relief for breaking up tension, or for bringing the reader gently back to a place of comfort after making him/her anxious with cliffhangers and whatnot.
| AC2 chapter 7 . 9/6/2007
A.N. I sort of don’t like this chapter, but I think it started to get a little better by the end. Please Review
Presumably because no-one is being tortured? If you're going to write about stuff like that, please research it properly. Your knowledge of biology doesn't seem to extend past names of body parts. There is no excuse for failing to research this, you have the internet after all. I know it is fiction, but there is good and bad fiction. This is borderline sucky.
| AC2 chapter 6 . 9/6/2007
"To a ear un familiar with the elvish tongue..."
Candidate for "the worst lines in a story" at the Fireplace.
| AC2 chapter 4 . 9/6/2007
So, why do I keep reading? The story has potential.
Why am I not being nicer, then? Imagine somebody offering you a meal when you are hungry, then, while serving it onto the plate, they pick their nose but don't wash their hands; they continue to put food on your plate, sometimes using bare hands. The trouble is, you're still hungry. I'm disgusted, but still want to read more.
What's wrong with this chapter? The Hobbits would have died by now. Even if they had lasted as long as you state they did, being dropped fifty-odd feet would have finished them off. If you are going to write stuff like this please do some medical research first. If you're going to play the AU card, you have neglected to tell us that Hobbits are made of self-sealing rubber.
| AC2 chapter 3 . 9/6/2007
When Merry awoke it felt like the hammers of 10 blacksmiths were pounding at his scull.
First of all, do NOT write numbers, spell them out.
You mean, "Skull." "Scull" is when you are rowing a boat, which is possibly why your spellchecker didn't pick it up - wait a minute, you're not using one, are you?
You mean, "Elven."
Nobody in the state the Hobbits were in would be able to yell, and, however AU this is, Hobbits were not boldly defiant; when faced with a greater enemy, they'd run away. Facing up to Saruman was not an option they would consider.
His worse fears had been confirmed, the two young, brave hobbit’s had fallen, never to return to their beloved shire. Elrond had been right, they should never of come.
**Weeps for the English language**
| AC2 chapter 2 . 9/6/2007
You've done this in a hurry, haven't you? Typos, typos!
Don't use "okay," it's an Americanism, and these people are supposed to be English country folk.
Am somewhat irritated by torture overkill. People don't survive the injuries you have given your characters, you need to tone it down. It's good that they are likely to be rescued, though.
You really need to get a beta, love. There are links to helpful forums where you can ask for someone to read over your story before you post it. That way you get nicer reviews than this one. There is no such thing as a perfect story, but it's only right to do your best. You have some good ideas, so I'm not flaming you. This is concrit.