|Reviews for Unlikely Ascension|
| blil6001 chapter 1 . 3/6
| Guest chapter 1 . 8/21/2015
| PixelationFox chapter 1 . 5/31/2015
like it will there be another chapter?
| denis.d2505 chapter 1 . 11/30/2014
Lovely story and unique perspective on Mew species as a whole
Makes you wonder alot, trully great read, FAVED & FOLLOWED
| i am cll chapter 1 . 5/8/2014
i am cool
| SuperSaiyanTeemo chapter 1 . 2/25/2014
Nice little story, i would have done the same in his scenario
| thetalkoflegends chapter 1 . 11/27/2013
I love this story I wound love a prequel
you are such a good writer
| ghost-of-phantom chapter 1 . 8/25/2013
Tf .ok... gender switch. WH
| TreePyro chapter 1 . 8/2/2013
I loved it it was awesome
| Orangekirbyyoshi chapter 1 . 6/6/2013
Cool story. I just have one question why does everybody think mews are all born female and become male later on? It seems like an extremely horrible species trait. I still loved the story.
| EverfreeSparkle chapter 1 . 7/4/2012
Amazing! Just plain amazing. You really should make a sequel to this story with Logan training her powers. It is really good. I really love how you add the scientific details as well to some parts like the electrons in the metal holding it together and changing the bond would change how soft the metal is to make it bendable for his mind. Love your writing style! Realy love your Outcast story as well, but I have not finished it because... Hmm idk, but at least I understood it and I am at chapter 14. Great job keep writing!
| the-ice-cold-alchemist chapter 1 . 6/23/2012
Would love to know what happened to Logan's family
But thanks for the story
| WiseScholar chapter 1 . 5/14/2012
Loved the story! You have quite the talent for writing.
| aetswjukitres chapter 1 . 12/22/2011
I finally think I found a real TF fix :D
| Tanon chapter 1 . 8/19/2011
The story is a good one, and the world that you have built for yourself is amazing. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
I will do my best to point out flaws, but this fic has been very well written.
Spelling. Nothing here.
Grammar. Nothing here, although your writing style seems a little clunky in certain places and you confused the use of 'many' and 'much' once. For example:
"School, pokemon training, friends...nothing seemed as important. Saffron City had its way of doing that to you, particularly..."
So, while technically there isn't anything wrong with the above extract, the second sentence doesn't read smoothly. I would have gone for 'Saffron City did that to you, particularly...' It's just that it seems easier to read something more compressed, as long as detail isn't sacrificed (as is with this example).
"At that point, he was quite sure he was not the meant recipient of those words"
This is probably a more valid and obvious example. 'He was not the meant recipient' is the prime offender in this quote. 'Meant', in its function as a past participle, is supposed to be used after the subject/object of the sentence, not before. There are two ways I would have written this sentence.
"At that point, he was quite sure he was not the intended recipient of those words." 'Intended' is an adjective, and so fits in the slot before 'recipient'
"At that point, he was quite sure those words were not meant for him." Note how 'meant' was used after 'words'?
" He began to gather as many of his things as could be effectively moved, cramming as much of his camping supplies into his backpack as hadn't been lost into the bag..."
This is the big one. When I read this sentence, I went, 'Huh?' and although I eventually got the gist of the sentence, it's horribly written. It seems to try to convey too many ideas at once, in too little a space, resulting in the reader only getting fragments of the whole.
"He began to gather anything that he deemed vaguely useful into a pile small enough to be effectively managed, cramming all the camping supplies — Those that he hadn't lost — into his bag..."
"He started casting around for his camping supplies, most of which he had lost, before stuffing as much as he could efficiently carry into his bag..."
"Logan felt slave to dream logic" I would try to fix this, but I have no idea what you meant by this.
A last quick example is this: "but it nearly knocked Logan from his chair..." 'from' would be better replaced by 'off'.
Your character development makes sense while you read the fic, but afterwards, you have to question some aspects of Logan's character and his life. I list two here.
Firstly, one begs to know why Logan didn't just transfer to a normal school after his first day at the 'gifted' school. It's the most logical decision, and one that neither he nor his parents would have hesitated in making (remember that Logan wanted to pass himself off as 'normal' later on to further practice his skills, and that his parents had originally intended to send him to a 'normal' school). It also brings up the issue of the management of the school. If Logan was 'normal', how the hell did he manage to get let in in the first place?
Secondly, the manner in which he fights off Michelle, whom he had previously stated, was 'quite proficient when it came to locating and ...and she would be able to bring him back.' So Logan can't meet Michelle, or his escape is over.
Evidently not. Because somehow, his 'quite proficient' sister suddenly manages to fail to find a decent hiding spot, took ages to find him, and actually stopped when he puts a hand out. If all I had to do to teleport my target back to his family was touch him, and he HELD HIS HAND OUT TOWARDS ME, I would touch it. Not her. No, she stopped and then let herself get overpowered by her brother. Anyone else see a slight disconnect there?
Ok. There goes my nitpicks. Keep up the good work!