|Reviews for Unlikely Ascension|
| SuperSaiyanTeemo chapter 1 . 2/25
Nice little story, i would have done the same in his scenario
| thetalkoflegends chapter 1 . 11/27/2013
I love this story I wound love a prequel
you are such a good writer
| ghost-of-phantom chapter 1 . 8/25/2013
Tf .ok... gender switch. WH
| TreePyro chapter 1 . 8/2/2013
I loved it it was awesome
| Orangekirbyyoshi chapter 1 . 6/6/2013
Cool story. I just have one question why does everybody think mews are all born female and become male later on? It seems like an extremely horrible species trait. I still loved the story.
| Eeveesin98 chapter 1 . 7/4/2012
Amazing! Just plain amazing. You really should make a sequel to this story with Logan training her powers. It is really good. I really love how you add the scientific details as well to some parts like the electrons in the metal holding it together and changing the bond would change how soft the metal is to make it bendable for his mind. Love your writing style! Realy love your Outcast story as well, but I have not finished it because... Hmm idk, but at least I understood it and I am at chapter 14. Great job keep writing!
| the-ice-cold-alchemist chapter 1 . 6/23/2012
Would love to know what happened to Logan's family
But thanks for the story
| WiseScholar chapter 1 . 5/14/2012
Loved the story! You have quite the talent for writing.
| aetswjukitres chapter 1 . 12/22/2011
I finally think I found a real TF fix :D
| Tanon chapter 1 . 8/19/2011
The story is a good one, and the world that you have built for yourself is amazing. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
I will do my best to point out flaws, but this fic has been very well written.
Spelling. Nothing here.
Grammar. Nothing here, although your writing style seems a little clunky in certain places and you confused the use of 'many' and 'much' once. For example:
"School, pokemon training, friends...nothing seemed as important. Saffron City had its way of doing that to you, particularly..."
So, while technically there isn't anything wrong with the above extract, the second sentence doesn't read smoothly. I would have gone for 'Saffron City did that to you, particularly...' It's just that it seems easier to read something more compressed, as long as detail isn't sacrificed (as is with this example).
"At that point, he was quite sure he was not the meant recipient of those words"
This is probably a more valid and obvious example. 'He was not the meant recipient' is the prime offender in this quote. 'Meant', in its function as a past participle, is supposed to be used after the subject/object of the sentence, not before. There are two ways I would have written this sentence.
"At that point, he was quite sure he was not the intended recipient of those words." 'Intended' is an adjective, and so fits in the slot before 'recipient'
"At that point, he was quite sure those words were not meant for him." Note how 'meant' was used after 'words'?
" He began to gather as many of his things as could be effectively moved, cramming as much of his camping supplies into his backpack as hadn't been lost into the bag..."
This is the big one. When I read this sentence, I went, 'Huh?' and although I eventually got the gist of the sentence, it's horribly written. It seems to try to convey too many ideas at once, in too little a space, resulting in the reader only getting fragments of the whole.
"He began to gather anything that he deemed vaguely useful into a pile small enough to be effectively managed, cramming all the camping supplies — Those that he hadn't lost — into his bag..."
"He started casting around for his camping supplies, most of which he had lost, before stuffing as much as he could efficiently carry into his bag..."
"Logan felt slave to dream logic" I would try to fix this, but I have no idea what you meant by this.
A last quick example is this: "but it nearly knocked Logan from his chair..." 'from' would be better replaced by 'off'.
Your character development makes sense while you read the fic, but afterwards, you have to question some aspects of Logan's character and his life. I list two here.
Firstly, one begs to know why Logan didn't just transfer to a normal school after his first day at the 'gifted' school. It's the most logical decision, and one that neither he nor his parents would have hesitated in making (remember that Logan wanted to pass himself off as 'normal' later on to further practice his skills, and that his parents had originally intended to send him to a 'normal' school). It also brings up the issue of the management of the school. If Logan was 'normal', how the hell did he manage to get let in in the first place?
Secondly, the manner in which he fights off Michelle, whom he had previously stated, was 'quite proficient when it came to locating and ...and she would be able to bring him back.' So Logan can't meet Michelle, or his escape is over.
Evidently not. Because somehow, his 'quite proficient' sister suddenly manages to fail to find a decent hiding spot, took ages to find him, and actually stopped when he puts a hand out. If all I had to do to teleport my target back to his family was touch him, and he HELD HIS HAND OUT TOWARDS ME, I would touch it. Not her. No, she stopped and then let herself get overpowered by her brother. Anyone else see a slight disconnect there?
Ok. There goes my nitpicks. Keep up the good work!
| krispykat1993 chapter 1 . 2/26/2011
That was really good. I need moar! D:
| Lucar1oMan chapter 1 . 1/28/2011
A great tail. heh. you use alot of details! :D Best of Luck! :D LUCAR1OMAN
| Wish counselor chapter 1 . 1/9/2011
i finally deciphered the confusing mystery of this story. So i'll share on what i liked and read so far.
a. Using Mew's term as either the Adam or Eve of pokemon, what I've read from different readers who read your story is that they became confused in the last part of who is the he and the she gendered mew. The Eldest, being masculine, changed Logan to become a Mew, and also changing Logan from a He to a SHE. Gender transformation.
If I got it right, please give me a message if I missed a specified detail. You used of my favorite pokemon's potential in a story that I'm working myself; although, she will appear way later in my story.
b. Due to having an average lonely life and relationship with Logan's kin, his incredible ancient gift, and the way he read his family's thoughts, the lack of affection and nonacceptance, which can result to losing his self esteem, is rated high, despite that his parents cared for him. But it seems they are worried about is his developing self-awareness in the upcoming future that Logan may be called odd names or out of the human limits, like the part you included the Gym leader Sabrina herself but not his family relative.
c. This is more than qualified to be a novel. Kudos.
d. Now with his new life; with no memories of his previous kin with some amount of knowledge from his kin, Logan (as a female mew), maybe for the first time in 10-16 years, he finally receives the affection he(as a she) was searching. And possibly find and begin a new life and destiny without any worry or memory of his family. This kind of content is the story I've been making.
Two new heroes turned to a pokemon but with no recall of being a human at all. The world I'm making never knew the word human. Your story is one inspiration to my story
| BYoshi1993 chapter 1 . 3/23/2009
THE STORY IS FANTASTIC! It's just plain amazing! It has a perfect eplanation to the change, and is very well written with a high vocabulary and a variety of sentence structure. *Ha! I sound like my Hon. English II teacher. LOL. :D I hope that you can update more on this story because I want to find out what will happen next. Please update as soon as you can. Thanks.
| Kitsunehero chapter 1 . 2/7/2009
Good story! I'd love to read a continuation!