|Reviews for Sins of the Father|
| Ziria NightRose chapter 2 . 5/19/2009
This is really good. i've never seen a main charactor with a zubat before, im interested to see how this will turn out
| barbie klaus chapter 4 . 4/7/2009
I don't naturally like Pokémon but this fic seems nice and promising. I subscribed.
And, by any chance, would you mind reviewing my story called "Adjusting the Sails"? :) I want to improve my writing and for that I need reviews. Thanks in advance.
| Miss Cow chapter 1 . 7/19/2008
It is a pretty good story so far, but there's one thing that you should consider:
Your sentences are a bit choppy. It'd help if you reworded them differently.
Also, sometimes you repeat stuff, like at the end when Kate said that her mother wouldn't let her go anywhere in the cave or the gym, you said she couldn't go in Dewford Cave twice.
| PG Palmer chapter 4 . 3/17/2008
*wails* WHAT? How could this story end here?
What is at Mt. Chimney? What do the Rockets have to do with it? What was Ethan's family's past, and his father's history with Skipler? What did River mean by her warning?
I realise that it's been six months since you updated this story, so you've probably given up on it, but I'll really really like to see it continued.!
| PG Palmer chapter 3 . 3/17/2008
Hm, Team Rocket eh? Whatever happened in Kanto to force his family to be on the run?
One point I forgot to make in the previous chapter was hat I like how you haven't made the main character practically invincible - he can be defeated.
| PG Palmer chapter 2 . 3/17/2008
Keira sounds like an interesting character, and I like how you incorporated the in-game characters like the craze person and the shorts kid. Good job.
| PG Palmer chapter 1 . 3/17/2008
This is a good start, and an unusual choice for a 'first Pokemon' (Zubat). The mystery you've put on their past is intriguing as well.
| Lixie Lorn chapter 4 . 3/16/2008
Very interesting. What i want to know is why they have to keep something secret.
And this Skipler guy. He gives him advise, then kicks him in the ribs. Ehh?
General Stormclaw out.
| mediahackopper chapter 1 . 1/18/2008
Wow... nice fanfic! The beginning was very interesting... I'll try to catch up since I'm a new reader. At first, I was hesitating to read fanfics, but I was addicted all of a sudden! Anyway, nice! Please drop by my fanfic someday! Thanks!
| Captain Wolf chapter 4 . 12/28/2007
Hmm... the beginning of this story is inviting. After the first foreboding few sentences you just have to keep reading to find out what all the fuss is about.
The one thing I must offer advice on are the pokemon battles. Their not bad, but their not good either. They tend to be very game-centric and follow the basic format of the pokemon video games. People can play the games if they want that. My suggestion is to give them a little flare. Come up with creative battle strategies and so. After all, this is a fiction story and it isn't limited to certain graphics and such as the games are.
Another subject I need to comment about is the characters. Actually, you seem to be doing a good job with those. They aren't completely bland. (Ethan and Keira are both more subtle than Kate, but as you said earlier, I believe, they're introverted). You may want to spice things up a bit, maybe throw in a very humorous pokemon. You don't have to (Crobat seems to have a bit of an attitude, anyway), but I'm a sucker for any kind of humor, and since you already have a brilliant plot you can afford to throw in a few jokes and keep the story progressing.
Many, many things about this story are good. The main one, I must say (and this is very important) is ORIGINALITY. I haven't come across a story nearly anything like this at all the while I've been on FanFiction. Most are basically unoriginal trainer stories. And the fourth chapter is definitely the most interesting. The start of a journey, perhaps?
I am enjoying this story and do hope you choose to continue it. (Although your reviews seem to be at a lack. That's pitiful, seeing as this is a awesome story.) You're doing a brilliant job, and I hope you keep up the good work!
| Dowdz chapter 4 . 12/7/2007
Hey there, I've read all the chapters of this story so far, and I gotta say, they're pretty good. The story is entertaining to read, and you seemed to have really captured the art of dialouge, but there are a few minor details I think you could improve to make it an overall greater story.
First off, the Pokemon battles feel like they came right out of the video game, with an order, and a reaction. In other words, they feel pretty cut and dry. Try working more details into them, such as a Pokemon's reaction to being attacked, and make them a bit longer, but not so overloaded with detail that they're boring. If you look around you can see a couple other authors who do this pretty well.
Zubat's evolution was a bit unexpected, which was good, but hasty, which wasn't so good. I know he was in the middle of the battle, but you could've highlighted Ethan's pride a little more.
Aside from that, and some minor grammatical errors, everything here pretty much checks out. I look forward to the next chapter. If you wouldn't mind, I'd appreciate it if you read my story as well. Thanks and have a good one.
| barbie klaus chapter 2 . 9/8/2007
I am not a fan of Pokemon - in fact I nearly despise it , and in fact I love Harry Potter more then anything else in the world - but I do have to admit this is really good. Just wond'ring why did you write about a sixteen-year-old Ethan (set aside from because you felt like it - I ask for true reason now) rather than a twelve-year old James? I like those kind of stories more... BTW, the lack of action isn't bad - this isn't an anime... in that I'd mind really but in a fan fiction it is really good that you don't only write about Pokemon attacking Pokemon... I also recommend you to capitalize Pokémon all the time... and the species of Pokemon as well... that'd improve it a lot... hope I helped!