|Reviews for Aqua Laguna|
| Ai Tennshi chapter 1 . 1/19/2008
That was beautiful. It's almost like the beauty and danger of nature all rolled into one and presented to you as a great, amazing thing far beyond human imagination. It was wonderful. So what if the last paragraph's tenses are a bit jumbled? The narrator's just survived a great thing, and that's got to make a person reel and give a sense of vertigo. I thought it was more powerful with the jumbled tenses-it's present tense when the narrator gets particularly desperate as though the person recounting the tale is feeling it all over again.
Just one comment-I think that the Ripper's Tide is better than Aqua Laguna. It's a more powerful name for one, and the use of the 'the' in front of the name of this great natural phenomenon gives more of the feeling that this is THE event; it's not just anything.
This was just beautiful. You deserved your A. ;)
| zmkuzma chapter 1 . 12/17/2007
Hey, I was looking for the story I told you about, and I read this instead... to my great delight! I love this description. It almost feels like I'm there. Those short (yet lush) sentences really painted a beautiful picture that I could see clearly. The imagery was really well done. Great job.
| Sacred Sakura chapter 1 . 9/12/2007
Yay! English paper analysis time! :D The following aren't quotes, but examples helping me explain stuff.
I absolutely LOVE the first paragraph; it serves as an excellent hook, not to mention that it also sets the initial tone (especially this line: "For our city, Aqua Laguna is a way of life.").
"Waves lap up against the shoreline and tease the feet of children and fishermen dangling in the street-canals. Slowly, the South Wind comes, bringing the sweet smell of the exotic islands thousands of leagues away." I like the atmosphere of serenity and "idyll-ness" that this section exudes. The words seem almost to wrap around you and place you in the setting.
"The South Wind is replaced by her sister in the West." Marvelous personification.
"lackadaisical"-this word always improves a work of fiction :D
"Thunder crashes violently while lighting cleaves the sky to ribbons." Imagery... *drool*
"Vehement winds whip" Liking the alliteration very much...
"fly through the air as if simple tufts of dandelion fluff" Nice analogy/simile. Very effective. A good choice!
"Buildings that were normally covered by both the sea and the structures built atop them stood naked against the weather." Simple yet vivid imagery.
"With a deafening clamor the wave crashed down" VERY good imagery! You can almost feel it! (onomatopoeia-like sentence)
"Knowing I beat Aqua Laguna, my knees buckled and I cried. I am alive." Very nice finish. Gives a sense of completion while simultaneously summarizing the character's relief in a way that the audience can feel.
Overall, I agree with your professor. Definitely an "A" paper. And yet I can see where she was coming from: Your tense-switching left me slightly confused. Is the latter portion still part of the reminisce of one year ago, or is it part of the "present tense" portion of the essay?