|Reviews for A family of Idiots|
| Wife of the Great Fool chapter 32 . 7/24/2012
| Sam-Sam-Samedi chapter 28 . 8/30/2009
Actually, I am still reading, and have been doing so for the latest updates. (I just felt . . . awkward cluttering A Family of Idiots with so many of my own reviews. ;;D: )
As for the pacing, I will admit that it's a bit slower than I would like. I get the sense you're building up for action, maybe? (Even then, the chapters are still entertaining irregardless.) I suppose it's a result of wanting to hear more from Asch, York, and Urushi rather than Darithin. Noir gets a good amount of screen time, though.
| Sam-Sam-Samedi chapter 22 . 6/19/2009
XD . . . "Urushi, can't you use a map properly!" and there would be this absolutely resounding silence followed by a drawl of, "No." Other than showing the reader the extent of their schooling (why not just have Asch read it? He would be familiar with elementary concepts, as all he seemed to do was learn protocol at home- well, I guess one could claim he might "lie" but he hasn't yet), this chapter was reasonably self-exclamatory, so I didn't see many analogies this time around. I'm curious about the trail though- did Asch manage to get his bag back? Is Darithin saying Van already knows? I didn't get a very clear picture of what exactly was being said.
Onto the next chapter. Darithin had some interesting little musings to consider here; they're moving from A to B, complete with monsters, soldiers, and an unknown destination. There is something slapdash about it- contradictory in that he's being very cautious, but he doesn't really know what to do when he gets there. I liked the fire; seems rather prophetic, given what we know of Asch.
Oh my- Asch, you're an idiot. -_-; They are keeping you *alive* . . . and "they don't have to do that". Then again, he isn't a genius in-game either- the lecture seems like something he would actually say. Plus, he's been taught that most people would be fundamentally "decent" and morally sound, too. And, jeez Noir, slightly sadistic- but, the question is, what "disgraces" are there to hear (because, well, ASCH'S intuition certainly doesn't seem to want to know, but maybe I'm reading too far into it). A name comes to mind, of course- it's a musical I wouldn't mind being introduced to. I assume by 'dealing with' you mean 'inspired by'? What is this, accidental military propaganda? 83(And, given that house's history, 'affair' may have not been the best word choice. I keep thinking in the literal sense, but I'm not sure that's what you meant. XD )
. . . and then there's Noir, who apparently sings like a crackpot. There are things in this world I have yet to see. . .
| Sam-Sam-Samedi chapter 19 . 6/2/2009
Man, this is such a cool premise! I love how everything seems to . . . flow, for lack of a better word, without losing the 'TotA' sense. It's much more mature, too, which is a bonus. 3 Also: Oh god, they've dyed Asch's hair. What a wonderful extended metaphor! In the (often confused) world of literary analysis, we can say that he's no longer a noble, but a lost child- true to the game.
And I lost my train of thought somewhere in that mess. Now to address the chapter! It's interesting in that the actions are commonplace, but they carry substantial weight; Noir isn't doing anything monumental, but, in her subtle (albeit sadistic) way, she's completely violated his dignity. It's just . . . very intriguing to watch the scene unfold. Dark, you know? (No bad puns intended. D: ) Plus, we're reminded that Asch is still familiar with his 'cushy' lifestyle- after the kidnapping, and then these *almost* gang-banger types, he's got to be shaken. Up until then, human violence would be so foreign. D: And Legretta! She would be the first to actually come after him. (. . . On an unrelated note, his somewhat neurotic preoccupation with appearance is a good touch. XD The Duke could stand to lighten up. His kids are obsessed with weird things.)
Haha, I forgot that they were in the desert; no running away for a while, then. (. . . *emo* It being in the desert makes the prospect more interesting though. D: Imagine such absolute desperation!) I wonder if they're going to contemplate ransoming Asch again. . . ? I mean, that could be a serious business venture; red hair, green eyes, guard entourage- not the everyday combination. (Not that Van wouldn't just spoil their plans. XD; That's what he does, after all.)
Ah, and Darithin had me laughing at pretty much every turn. (I find his dialogue very entertaining. XD "Urushi- Take Noir's knife away before she adds York to the pot." Ha!) I like York, too. He seems a bit more soft than the others.
| Sam-Sam-Samedi chapter 18 . 5/25/2009
As stated, I really enjoy how you’ve painted Asch’s situation— and so, I’m going to give a coherent, honest review (as contrasted with my usually lazy ones! :D;; . . . ) of both chapters seventeen and eighteen respectively.
To tackle seventeen first, I’d like to comment that I am very fond of the visual itself. It contrasts sharply with the ‘gamer’s experience’; we get a good sense of finality here—that they are actually fighting, and that the situation is dangerous. Asch and York’s fear also adds to this, and both reactions were demonstrated nicely.
However, the prose was occasionally confusing. As a reader, I didn’t get a good sense of transitions from speaker to speaker. For example:
"Then why offer the boy a choice?" Growled the familiar -and so welcome!- voice. Though this was one savior was so unexpected it made the one dubbed Cardinal blink in surprise. Standing over the masses by a head Darithin pushed his way to the front, teeth bared in a smile unlike any smile ever seen before. . . .”
The high-lighted portion detracts from the passage as a whole, and makes it (more or less) difficult to follow. In the heat of the moment, particularly given the preceding line, it feels like Asch would be so afraid that any help would be gladly received; this would make his decision to look at Darithin consistent—but then you make an awkward switch to surprise, sending the reader down an different path altogether. It would have been much more effective had you simply cut that part; that would also eliminate the abrupt change from Asch’s shock to Darithin. On another note, it might have been better to have Legretta comment that she’s taking Asch before he started running. I’m like, “how did he hear that? o: ”
The little scene between Asch and York was executed very well. (D8 Ugh, man, the beggars sounded so creepy—especially since Asch, being a noble, would be unfamiliar with such things!) You also remind the reader that Asch is essentially an idealist, whereas York is a realist [in this scene]; he stands up to defend the weak, while York isn’t sympathetic to the poor/beggar—because, in essence, he kind of is one. XD; He came off as having a dark mentality that was very interesting. (I really think he has some sort of, “Being poor is a choice. Work!” money-grubber mindset that colors his reaction outside of disgust. That would be cool, as you could create some fun—if strange relationships with Asch. o: You could really do things with socioeconomic status here: the cynical thieves vs. the seemingly privileged ‘little brat’ romanticist. Er, and if you have been doing that, sorry. :D; I’ve forgotten some of the earlier details.)
Ahem. Done with that— onto eighteen, which was much more linear. XD (That’ll be quicker to analyze.)
We get to see that Darithin is a creeper here, and in a bleak way, too. (Innovative, in my humble opinion; I like Darithin thus far.) Evicting a family with an infant is pretty low of them; this strengths Asch’s ‘you guys are a-holes’ adage. XD; And, to top it off, they are arguing about abandoning him there right in front of him (and that’s excluding the pettiness of the oh-so-classy fistfight). I’m waiting for Asch’s chronic homesickness to kick in, so he can make a slapdash attempt at running away again. (The farther from home he gets, the more difficult it’ll become to get back, you know? o: Plus, he can’t say with any certainty—at least not now—that they won’t just drop him somewhere.)
Ah, praise Noir’s apathy; it’s the same old, same old from her perspective. I got a similar feeling from Darithin, who sounded like he wanted to avoid lecturing the two of them.
Overall, a well-balanced chapter. One problem though: you may want to avoid stressing that his given name is “Cardinal”. (I also notice this same thing with hair color. D: This is a common trap writers seem to fall into—the repetitive usage of hair colors. X_x Since the reader has a good idea of what they look like, it’s not necessary.) It feels somewhat redundant, and, while I understand that it’s meant to emphasize his loss of identity, you might want to start expanding on how he misses being called “Luke”. Asch has been running from one place to another, so he’s understandably disheveled, but he should probably start freaking out eventually; this is his first taste of real freedom in a while, yet he’s still haunted by his self-made chains to House Fabre, which would give him a sense of his own powerlessness. The world is going on without him, and that would be very frightening to any child.
Oh, and it’s technically ‘Lorelei’—since you’re expounding on basically unexplored aspects of TotA’s customs, it’s very distracting to constantly see it misspelled. D: This really breaks your narrative, which is why I feel it should be addressed. (Sorry it was such a long review! But I love this story in general. XD; )
| Cimikat chapter 15 . 3/10/2009
Responding to your reply, I assumed as much, and I can understand. Still, it is very admirable that you do dedicate what little time you have to writing. I still enjoy your stories in any case. :)
yay Dark Wings!
| Sam-Sam-Samedi chapter 15 . 3/9/2009
I've followed this story on-and-off for a while now, and I enjoy it. Your interpretation of the Dark Wings (and, consequently, their surrounding environment) is very innovative; I particularly like that they seem less shallow in your portrayal. (Admittedly, the Dark Wings didn't have much character in-game, you know? D: It's nice to see them as something other than comical.) Also, Asch's personality is entertaining and reasonable given his situation.
The language is beautiful, although you may want to check for typos prior to posting it. D: (I saw many in this chapter.)
| Cimikat chapter 1 . 2/27/2009
(idiot self hit 'submit' before I finished my review .
| Cimikat chapter 14 . 2/27/2009
It's really funny, because I swear it was only a couple weeks ago I was thinking how awesome it would be to have a story about Asch meeting up with the Dark Wings when he was young, not long after his kidnapping. And here I find you are writing that exact story. I'm ecstatic!
I actually really like your writing, and you seem to have some talent. The only thing though is that your stories could be improved tremendously if you took a little more time to proofread them.
| Grappling Fancies chapter 2 . 11/3/2008
Hahaha. Nice one!
| Grappling Fancies chapter 1 . 11/3/2008
Interesting. I liked the line at the end. I'll be keeping watch on the following chapters. Keep writing!
| Lockea chapter 9 . 5/30/2008
*Sticks her tongue out childishly and points at Noir and the other bandits* Jerks! Meanies!
Ahh... poor Birdie... *pets Asche and then yanks her hand away before he bites it off*
I think TotA has better graphics, but I am unashamedly a bigger fan of ToS's story line and moralities. Plus, ToS has Lord Spandex in it (though Dist makes a decent replacement). XD
Anyway, another good chapter. I'm really not sure about the crowd Asche has fallen in with though... Dari does a good job keeping them in line, even if he doesn't seem like Mr. Sensitivity to me. Tehe.
| Lockea chapter 8 . 5/21/2008
Woah, it's a regular update. *Dies of surprise*
I'm new to Tales of the Abyss, but I've been a long time fan of your Tales of Symphonia stories (especially DES, ICG?, and that one about the Kharlan war-can't recall the name). I like this story too. They really are idiots, but at least they're hearts are (usually) in the right place.
I'll take regularity over length any day. I'll be keeping an eye on this story now.
| Cataclysmic Eclipse chapter 1 . 5/18/2008
Wow. This sounds like its going to be interesting. I wonder where it will lead...well, I'll read the other chapters soon. Good job on this one.
| You know who this is chapter 1 . 9/25/2007
*violently grabs Kasan away from Ps2*
*by the hair*
*Plops her down in front of GameCube*