|Reviews for The Deep End|
| Amy chapter 1 . 8/6/2011
I read up to chapter four and then I have to say I got a bit bored. I think when you are writing fan fiction the most important thing is to make sure the characters stick to their personalities. When I read fan fiction I want to be able to forget what really happened in the story and be able to believe that what I'm reading is what really happened but Padme and Anakin quite often did things out of character. I think I couldn't believe it because Padme was the one going after Anakin, it's not like her. I think she would be harder to win over despite her feelings, and it would be Anakin going after her and trying to convince her. There was also TOO much, although written lovely, of the whole angel thing and how they felt about each other. Less is more, you need to make the reader want to read more just to find that perfect moment where what they want to happen, happens. When it's happening constantly it doesn't seem real and gets old. You need to be more true to the characters, before writing something they say or do, try and picture them saying it or doing it, would they really do that or say that? Padme the most was out of character and as for the Obi stuff, I just had no clue what that was all about. And Anakin having a girlfriend? Padme and Anakin had a lot of hard work in the movies hiding their relationship so I find it hard to believe Anakin had been walking around with a girlfriend openly and getting away with it all this time. The story in the end to me was just some romance story, the characters were not Anakin and Padme so I lost interest because I couldn't picture them in it. Watch the films again, or just the bits with them in. Learn their characters better, Padme's quiet strength, her reserve, her self control and knowing her place. Anakin, his desire for her, his playful spirit and immaturity along with his strength for his loved ones and protecting them. Keep it up, you'll get there. And also watch the grammer and typos!
| blue darth vader chapter 4 . 12/31/2009
when anakin says no,no,no i deserved that one you should minus a than that it's a good chapter.
| blue darth vader chapter 3 . 12/31/2009
you spell padme's last name naberie and you should combine the fact that she was queen didn't help at all, with, he knew she was anakin's and always would be. you should do it with a but. it would make more sense.
| dog chapter 1 . 11/18/2009
It sucked balls
| why chapter 5 . 1/22/2009
Ok... This is a good story gone bad horribly wrong wrong bad disgusting. Why would you make Bail's death so darned graphic? I thought this was rated K not M! I'm beginning to hate this story.
| hmmmmmmmmm chapter 1 . 1/21/2009
I've read this whole story to around chapter 4. I didn't like the fact that you made obi-wan a sith? And you didn't even say why or how? So many question that arent answered in this! I want to know answers from the START. Also I got kind of bored sorry to say. So many things I dont understand in this, like when your turning to the dark side it's as if your dying in bed getting very weak then getting thrown out to the emperor on the cold side walk? confusing. And it's as if Padme is force sensitive? hm. And where the heck is R2 D2? AH HELP ME WITH SOME ANSWERS PLEASE! But this story did get interesting at first.
| Sailor Pandabear chapter 6 . 1/20/2009
| Huntress of the stars chapter 6 . 8/2/2005
Wow... sequel, you say?
I love the spay of emotion in your abstract universe of beauty. This is something different, and I love it.
| padme-amidla chapter 6 . 7/13/2005
You are the most talented writer that I have ever met in my entire life! That was one of the most touching stories I have ever read! I was on the verge of tears,( I'm not kidding!) I look forward to the sequel!
| luvingabriel chapter 6 . 4/19/2005
awesome story, very different! I LOVED IT!
| Rose-Arwen-Padme chapter 6 . 6/6/2003
" Both turned to see Padme, now composed. Her eyes had the spark of a regal Queen. Her voice was flat and monotone. She had assumed Queen Amidala; the warmth of Padme burned away. Padme was hurting; Amidala was not. "
That is my MAIN favorite part out of many. I love Padme-ego-busting-whatevers like that. I makes me want to scream: Yeah! go Padme! You go girl! Now...
GOD DAMN! This is the best damn story I have EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER read on this ENTIRE website! And I read an average of 10 stories a week, if not more, so I'm experienced. I am a fan of all of your works, especially Crimson Tears, but this one tops them all. I can NOT believe I haven't read this before, and I can't believe I am only the 14th review!
SCREW THE RULES! THIS STORY NEEDS TO BE REPOSTED!
LOVED the dark Obi-Wan idea. You totally brought that to life, it wasn't cheezy at all. I could so see Obi-Wan as a Sith. And you made Anakin and Padme's love so innocent yet powerful at the same time! (Reaches for Kleenex box) I have NEVER been close to even tearing up whenever I have read a SW fanfic. But you've changed that now.
Your descriptions are awesome. Your dialouge is real and passionate. Your story idea is original and unique. Your characters are emotional and life-like. Your story is perfect.
You're going on my Fav author's list(oh wait, you're already there!) and this story is going on my fav stories. CAUSE IT TOTALLY BELONGS THERE! And yeah! There's even a sequel! Can't wait to read it!
Now, so that you know that this review wasn't a complete was of your time, my only criticism, and it's a small one: more commas in between your preporsitional phrases. It might make it a little easier to read, and will make it go smoother.
Off I go to read all of your other works... and to get ALL of my SW fanfiction readers buddies to read this and review. You da bomb!
P.S. This is the longest review I have ever written in my life, so I hope it makes up for the other hundred positive reviews you deserve.
Hm. Great things for you, I see. Strong, you talent is.
| legoami7 chapter 6 . 8/11/2002
OH MY GOSH! This like has to be the best story ever!
| lilith witch chapter 6 . 6/3/2002
hi. i'm still crying.
i've the end of this fic and i found myself crying. i don't know how you got only 11 reviews! your story is so good, so perfect! i will add it to my favourite, i swear. but you don't know who i am... sorry, i'm lilith witch. i discovered star wars only watching the movie of episode II, 'cause... well... ok, 'cause hayden christensen is really bloody cute! but when i was in the cinema, the two hours flew. really, the story was so interesting! i love the couple Anakin/Amidala and i really think taht your story is a very good one. i saved it on my harddisk, and i'm not going to delete it so soon! i think you should be a writer!
there's still i thing i want to ask you before i will read the sequel, i think that some phrases of your story would be perfect for a story that i've an half-idea to write... can i use them? i would send the story to you before before uploading it, to be sure you would allow me to do it...
thank you for the emotions you gave me.
| ills chapter 6 . 5/31/2002
um hey great story it took me a while to figure out what was going on but it was good anyway, um i am off to read the second part ja for now
| pokey chapter 6 . 5/20/2002
Really good, very sad end. I'm looking forward to the next one.