Reviews for Come Undone
storywriter84 chapter 3 . 4/23/2008
This story has got to be really difficult to right but I wanted to let you know that I think the first three chapters are well written and the plot is very good. I hope you get a chance to update soon. I really want to know what else is going to happen. Good luck.
storywriter84 chapter 1 . 4/23/2008
Well written. I absolutely love it. Well done.
Aching Bones chapter 3 . 4/16/2008
Hi there, just wondering when you will update this one. I liked it and was wondering if there was going to be more...

I am enjoying "What we deserve - angst in a car" at the moment too. Very angsty! Do not usually like angst but I am enjoying both of these.

MariaPim chapter 3 . 4/12/2008
After getting caught on your drabble series earlier I felt compelled to look up on the other stories you've written, and somehow ended up here.

I love the way the characters are so alive in your stories. Too often people (choose to)forget about the darkness these two have seen, about the pain and despair that, in my mind, is one of the main reasons behind their choices. As you said in your A/N for this chapter - there is nothing wrong with fluffy escapes, but there are times when that just doesn't cut it. This story is an excellent example of that.

To me it felt like you were standing at a crossroads after the end of chapter two. It would have been so easy for you to turn this last chapter into a fluffy/smutty deadend - which would have brought you lots of fluff affected reviews and a number of happy readers, I'm sure (cuse you do that awfully well when you want to). Instead you chose to honour these two characters, that we've grown to love and respect, with something so much more powerful and raw. Life isn't always pretty, and neither is love. I wuldn't say your last chapter was pretty either, but that does NOT mean it didn't touch me. I'm grateful for your honesty, for letting these two people (most of the time they feel so real to me, I honestly struggle to call them characters) be themselves, and deal with the world and each other the only way they know how to, and the way only they can.

This was my second essay of appreciation to you today, and I hope you don't mind. ;) I honestly just wanted to let you know you took the right turn at that crossroads! Love and hate are after all only opposite sides of the same coin, and at least they are both passionate. ;)

mwsc2003 chapter 3 . 4/4/2008
This is really well written and I hope that you update it soon.
labsquint chapter 3 . 3/29/2008
I’d like to actually comment on your author’s note to start. I realize that this must be an incredibly hard story to write. Maybe that’s why it’s grabbed me so much because the effort you put into it is so very clear. This is no walk in the park. It’s a very heavy piece. So congrats to you for taking on such heavy subject matter and carrying it off so gracefully.

I really liked the way you described Booth in the third and sixth paragraphs of this chapter. It really conveys not only his inherent sexuality and sexiness but the security and safety that Brennan finds in him, with him. The two sides of his personality are laid bare – the aggressiveness against the gentleness – and the image of his face, bifurcated by light and shadow, is very effective. And Brennan is torn by wanting to be able to take advantage of that safety and security even more than she does now. But at what price to Booth? The whole opening scene is very nicely done.

And that bifurcated image continues into the chapter as Brennan is realizing that Booth is not only the same man she always knew, but there is another side to him that she is only now seeing. And I think this makes her insecure as this is unfamiliar ground.

Nice bit of humour thrown into a heavy chapter with Booth’s words about her flaws. Also when he tells her that she always lets him know if he’s being stupid. It’s an effective, gentle use of humour to break up the intensity of the chapter.

And now Booth’s crisis of confidence has become Brennan’s and she’s questioning her role as a friend to him in the past. But Booth, ever intuitive, knows exactly the right words for her. Now we’re back to our usual position of Booth being the comforter for Brennan.

The chapter ends on a very intimate note. They are sitting on the couch drinking wine and it’s not clear to me if there are two glasses or one. If the shared wine glass from chapter one is back, then this time she freely takes it from him either because she is more comfortable with him now or because she needs the support of the alcohol so badly that she doesn’t care.

But the intimacy is jarringly broken at the end. After all their admissions to each other, both is asking for more from the other and both feel that they have given all that they can at that moment. As the chapter ends, after all the connection that has come before, the reader is left with the feeling that they are miles apart again emotionally. So that chasm will need to be bridged in the next installment.

And now I’ve run out of chapters. Wha! I’m really enjoying this fic (as you can probably tell from the amount of babbling I’ve done) and am looking forward to your next chapter, whenever you can get it written. You are a very high volume writer (even drabbles take time…) and have quite a few stories on the go, but I admit that this is the one I’m waiting to hear more from the most. But I can wait patiently. God knows you’ve had to wait way too long for these reviews…

Again, excellent job…keep up the good work!
labsquint chapter 2 . 3/29/2008
First of all, I’m curious, did you ever find your beta? I’d be willing to be a sounding board if you are still looking…

We’re thrown right into the friction between Brennan and Booth at the beginning of this chapter. And things go from unsettled to confrontational immediately as Brennan throws out the suggestion that Booth is being a coward. Her use of profanity is out of character and really shows how upset and unsettled she is to fall back on the use of such language. She’s normally too cool headed for that. But he’s really got her upset and frustrated.

Booth takes one tiny step forwards in his explanation and then take two giant leaps back in telling her that his coming and the kiss were both a mistake. And so he continues to hurt her. He clearly doesn’t see how much of herself she put on the line, or if he does, he doesn’t want to admit it outright.

They’re circling each other madly in this chapter with neither thinking that they are good enough for the other. You summed up Brennan’s viewpoint so nicely in this line: “She had crossed the line by kissing him, but she'd done it without a map. Now she had no idea where to go next.” But she hits on a very salient point – Booth is always shielding someone else, but no one shields him. It an emotional moment as this comes to her.

So she does something that she might only ever do for Angela, and even likely not even there – she really opens up to him and shares something with him that she hasn’t shared with anyone else. The telling of her story is very anguishing to read the fact that she was raped comes as a surprisingly blow to both the reader and Booth, neither of who saw this little detail coming. (As an aside, and I don't know if you were going to go this route, but you have to wonder if he'd treat her differently in bed because of this point. This may or may not be something you intend to explore...) She’s trying to show Booth that maybe she’s not as good as he thinks she is, that she is damaged as well, but has healed and so can he. She baring her soul to him here and it’s a sign of how deep her commitment and trust in him goes. And Booth immediately forgets his own woes to comfort her with hers. And their admissions that they would kill for the other are just another sign of their connection and commitment to each other.

But she’s exhausted with the telling of the tale and in the end retreats from him – ‘ “But if it's all right with you, I'd like to forget all this." The words caught in her throat, their razor edges making her bleed as she spoke them.’ You have an incredibly effective way to turn a phrase to convey emotion, did you know that?

But Booth pulls it together at the last moment and they meet half way at the end of the chapter – can they finally connect instead of darting around each other? We’ll have to wait for chapter three to find out…

This was another very effective chapter. This is a hard story to write emotionally I’m sure because the characters are struggling so much, but you are doing an excellent job and I’m very much enjoying it (as odd as that sounds for a story with so much angst, but you know what I mean). Kudos on a job well done.
labsquint chapter 1 . 3/29/2008
I’ve been meaning to review this fic for a while. In fact I did start to write a review for it, but I seem to have deleted it, so back to the drawing board to start again. I’ve been reading your drabbles for a while and need to start being more consistent about reviewing now that I’ve built some extra time into my own writing schedule on my current fic. So, no time like the present…

For starters, you quote Keane. I seriously love Keane, so that’s extra points with me right there… :)

The way that you start this chapter, describing Booth’s body language and the way the rain is reflected as tears is very well done. Right from the get go, we know that something is very wrong. (BTW, loved Brennan’s T-shirt slogan…very witty…). But even under the weightiness of whatever is on Booth’s mind, the sexual tension between them is bubbling very subtly. Well done. His neatly snagging the wine glass out of her hand and drinking from it not only ratchets up the tension, but also exposes just how distressed Booth is.

Booth’s admission that he felt the need to gamble is telling. Not being able to find a meeting, he comes right to Brennan. This is a nice turn-around. Normally, she goes to him for support, not the other way around. When he pulls her to him so he can lay his face against her stomach, the reader gets a flash of exactly how bad things must be for him. He’s in a bad way. Brennan’s awkwardness in not knowing how to deal with Booth in this mood is very in character. She’s just not good at this. But for Booth she’s willing to try.

Booth is having a serious crisis of confidence in the usefulness of his role in law enforcement. The fact that it was a case involving children would only make it worse for him. And when it comes down to the crunch, Brennan knows him well enough, knows the kind of man he is, and finds the right words. Her speech to Booth about ‘what matters is that you try’ is very impassioned. And very true.

But Booth isn’t convinced and thoughts of Parker are driving that lack of conviction. So Brennan crosses the line. This isn’t a dare, or a whim or an out of control moment. She knows exactly what she is doing and it carries more weight and more risk because of it. It’s a very intimate kiss. So when Booth’s reaction is that she did it out of pity, he hurts her badly. She took a real risk in crossing that line and he throws it back in her face. And anger is her only defense.

Surprisingly it’s Booth who’s first reaction is to run away and Brennan who insists that he stays. And in the end she nails him with the salient point of the whole chapter – why did he come to her? Of all the places he could have gone, why did he come to her?

And we’re left on that note, but lucky for me, I can move right to chapter two. Hurrah!

Excellent first chapter. You really draw the reader, right from the first words, into the story. Booth’s anguish is very real and their interactions are realistic and very in character. You write an very enjoyable story, even if it is angsty; it’s so well written, that the emotions really are conveyed very, very well. Not everything needs to be overtly explained and you let body language convey a lot of the emotion which is very effective. Excellent job…and onto chapter two…
mrs. huntzberger chapter 3 . 3/21/2008
I think I started reading this a while ago, but I never got around to reviewing (or adding it to my alerts list). Considering the subject matter it seems weird to say that I enjoyed reading it...I will say that it is very well written (you have emense talent). Very dark and angsty but still somehow them. Perhaps it's the fact that you really captured how much they genuinely care about each other. I am certainly looking forward to reading the next chapter(s). :)
Ash211230 chapter 3 . 3/20/2008
AWW! This is a sad but a good story. Brennan and Booth can fix each other. When there together they can face anything and they'll overcome the past. I can't wait to see what happens next. What will they talk about?

Please post soon!

KB22 chapter 3 . 3/19/2008
You have done a great job hitting their bantering style. It is perfect!
libster chapter 3 . 3/14/2008
hey i loe this story. update soon please
cass-clari chapter 3 . 3/5/2008
I dont usually read full on angst, but this stories really captivated me. Its totally in character and captures their dynamic relationship. It's emotionally charged and its fantastically written.

can't wait to see where you go with this. I'm not sure if I want to wish for a happy ending, I think it would spoil the rawness and reality, but however you continue its going to be great!
spaceyplum chapter 3 . 2/29/2008
This is superbly written angst... I love it! Looking forward to the next chapter.
Karintva chapter 3 . 2/24/2008
I love this story, it's in character and very well written. Please continue writing it.
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