|Reviews for The Legend Of Zelda: A Link To The Past|
| Discracedpython chapter 2 . 8/9
It's alright but it's pretty just the plot of the actual game with more dialogue
| rikku92 chapter 2 . 9/22/2008
EPIC WIN OF A STORY! UPDATE SON PLZ!
| Ganheim chapter 2 . 10/26/2007
"reading" and anime episode.
[A graphic novel or manga? So it reads from right to left?]
into the raging…storm?
[If there’s a storm, it’s probably pretty obvious. You know, the sound of rain pounding on the roof and walls and windows, the possible roaring of winds, besides the intermittent crack of thunder.]
The trees were being blown around a bit, but the apples themselves did not look to be in danger.
[If a storm isn’t even knocking down apples big enough to be easily seen from inside, then it’s a piddly, weak storm.]
[I’m seeing regurgitation of the game more than novelisation.]
…then let out a sharp yell
[Yells are not often described as ‘sharp’, though ‘yelps’ often are.]
[If you’re going to mention a character, it’s a good idea to spell the name correctly.]
And suddenly, the question was no longer open to discussion.
[Implying that Link was discussing the question rather than just observing and thinking about it.]
wielding a dangerously spiked mace,
[Although I have no problem with changing little things around in a novelisation (I’ve done so for my upcoming novelisation of A Link to the Past), I wanted to point out that the weapon the soldier guarding Zelda here is a flail, maces are weights attached directly to a solid pole, whereas flails have blunt weights, piercing spikes, cutting blades, or some combination thereof connected to a handle with chain, rope, or metal cord.]
hearing a sickening but certainly killing sound
[Need I say more?]
“…there was one other.”
[Could we get a narrative description of Link’s expression so we have a little more information, which is generally more satisfying to the wider audience and brings a bit more of a cinematic feel to the writing?]
[This was his last surviving relative, no matter how strong he is unless you’re going to be stripping him of his humanity he’s going to be devastated by losing his family.]
and her form rushing behind him.
[As opposed to…no, I can’t do it, this begs for a smartassism but it’s just too easy here.]
“Wait, Zelda, what are you doing?”
[Apparently only speaking, because there’s no narrative to tell us that she rushes the guard and pushes him to his potential death.]
as her young but curvy form was soft and comforting.
[Um…after I finish a brief gagging fit, this is shaky grammar and weak phrasing that ruins the dramatic and sexual tension.]
“I don’t know but its all squirmy!”
[Squirmy. Hm. I’m going to pass on this line.]
Before Link could react, the princess had grabbed his sword and
[Well, at least it’s not a regurgitation of the game.]
“You are of the Zora-clan, correct?”
[I think ‘race’ is more appropriate than ‘clan’, but whatever reference suits your fancy.]
take the right hall!
[Missing closing quote mark.]
Link took in a deep breath as he burst from the water,
[I want to point out that, according to the description given with the Zora in your story, they just came out of _raw sewage_. And yet these fairly city-dwelling people don’t retch and go ‘I’m covered in sh!t’]
that a familiar boy stepped out of the passage.
[Extraneous ‘that’. Oh, and they’re still covered in nasty filth from their tip in the sewer, unless there was a convenient washroom in that secret passage that you neglected to tell us about.]
What remained of it that was.
[Missing comma after ‘it’.]
She gasped as she took in the damage.
[She’s on a horse, she’s therefore got a height advantage and has had plenty of time to gasp during her approach of Link.]
Although you’re not giving a straight regurgitation of the game (which too many do when attempting to novelize a game), the narrative contains spelling mistakes in important places (like misspelling “Agahnim”, which happened so often I stopped pointing it out) and weak grammar, as well as lacking narrative details and speech tags. Not bolding the entire chapter might have also given you more formatting options.
| The Broken Habit chapter 2 . 10/3/2007
Wow, a great novelization of one of the greatest games out there! I haven't seen any other Link to the Past stories, so keep it up!
| cdcase chapter 2 . 10/1/2007
I like how you incorporate humor into this story; it keeps it interesting and funny! "It's in my dress!" lol
| go bananas chapter 1 . 10/1/2007
OMG! This is so good! I never played the game but I suddenly want to! PLEASE CONTINUE! Oh yeah, I didn't see any mistakes (I'm extremely envious). Could you not make the words bold? My eyes are straining...
| Zairos chapter 1 . 9/23/2007
My only request is that you maybe use a diffrent type of font, but ,whatever. i just wanna read more.
(I had the game ,but my rent's sorta made me give it up cause they thought it was bad or something)
| James Birdsong chapter 1 . 9/19/2007
Yes do continue please.
| UltSpideyfan83 chapter 1 . 9/18/2007
It is pretty cool to see an ALTTP novelisation. Well written, reminds me of the manga as well.I'm looking forward to more of it!
| cdcase chapter 1 . 9/18/2007
ALttP was no doubt a great game! Great job so far! Good luck with the rest of the novelization