Nice story, I liked reading it a lot.

Why would it be dirty if they didnt wait till marriage?

Thats the only part I dont really like. I mean 5 years without sex while being so attracted to each other? Thats quite hard to believe.

I liked the way waited till they were married for sex, for all the perverts who want Hinata to be a dirty girl shes not so get over it

I absolutely Posotively loved this story. Well written, good grammer and spelling. How relationships should be. You played the characters well. And It was just amazing. I will soon be posting a story called,'Ino's Forbidden Love' You should check it out. I will tell you when it is out

I only didn't like one coupleing. ChoIno...I am way more of a Shikamaru Ino Fan but it was still great and so good I even delt with that.

3 Ino-chan

Well to be quite honest.

The plot is mediocre at best, I especially hatted when you killed off Akatsuki AND Orochimaru AND made SASKAY come back in only a chapter or two. You were incoherent, starting little things that would evolve into some cool plot twists but never picked them up again. Your rhythm was slow for most of the fic and then you suddenly switched to Warp 10 in the last 11 or so chapters.

You constantly made spelling mistakes, each one more gruesome than the other, and you started out writing like a pre-teen, yet as you moved on with the chapters your style became more pronounced, fluid, coherent and overall.. much better, you should be proud of that.

Overall although your fic isn't anything otherworldly or even "good" by my standards it managed to be a hell lot better than most of the stuff I've found around these parts, so congratulations.

I've gotta flame you for a couple of stuff though:

First, you made it sound like Hiashi lived only with Hanabi, Neji and Hinata (until she moved in with Naruto). There's a reason it's called the Hyuuga COMPLEX, it's like a HUGE house that holds all Hyuuga clan members, who number in the HUNDREDS.

The thing that most ticked me off and that almost made me stop reading the fic was the absolutely DREADFUL way you handled Naruto's and Hinata's relationship especially when handling sex! I mean, you had them fall in love and move in INSTANTLY, yet put off the whole question for FIVE FREAKIN YEARS until they got married, and then you had them go at it only once? Well news-flash, you know why people have sex? Because it's good, even if you don't love the person you're doing it with but if you do, well then it's the closest you're going to get to heaven on earth, and above all, it's NORMAL! Everyone does it and it's not something you should be ashamed about! You made Hinata like she was a robot with no urges of herself! She lived with the guy for years but she didn't even CHANGE in front of him? What the F*ck? I mean, if they really loved each other, after five years of waiting (they wouldn't have waited anyway) they would get at it like two rabbits in heat when they got to that honey moon suite and wouldn't get off each other until someone showed up with a crowbar to pry them apart! You had them have sex once and stop when they found out they were pregnant? SHEESH! You know you can still safely and happily have sex until the very last week of the pregnancy! AND pregnancy tests take time to work, they don't usually work the next day, normally you only get negative tests or very rarely a false positive! And I mean they had pregnancy tests but they didn't have contraceptives? Why couldn't you just let them have fun for a little while before they got stuck with a kid? There's so much stuff wrong with that that I can't even think straight! Don't get me wrong being a parent must be the most awesome experience in the world, but they have sex ONE time and that's it? Now you're a daddy, and you won't touch me again for 9 months until I decide I want another kid?

Sumarising, this fanfic was about 40% insanely uncalled for and cheesy fluff 25% good writing and 35% just plain stupidity and stone age like ways of thinking.

So, i suggest you find out how relationships actually work, maybe get some sex ed classes and maybe a shrink and then go from there, and that you practice of lot because although what I mentioned above was completely true, you still have a LOT of potential and just have to keep at it. Probably you'll never be an established book author but at least you'll write some cool fics.

Sorry if I was a little harsh but, well, you deserved it.

great story

YES YES I FEEL LIKE I WATCHED AN EXTREMELY LONG MOVIE THAT WAS TOTALLY AWESOME! I'LL BE SURE TO CHECK OUT YOUR OTHER STORIES!

I love it please make more stories.

Just thought I'd let you know that when Naruto comes back from his training trip Akamaru is the size of a hors.

Like total MMA100%cLt! I love love LOVE this story! I have it saved and everything! ur awsome! (see Dreamers Deranged to see wat MMA100%cLt means. Its on the reviews 4 1 new friend request)

yo u should write more stories like this bcuase this was the shit

had 2 read it again cuz i luved it so much! :) u can write my friend!

this stroy is awsome but im getting annoying with this i love you thing every 5 seconds.

hey i reviewed earlier but i do have to say you amde a few spelling adn punct' errors but you also incorporated actual feeling in to your story, but tell me though i've always wondered hoq Hiashi felt towrds Naruto does he hate him like him or just indifferent?

You are a genius! this story aught to be made into a book. i haven't seen writing like this since... ever! you sir/Miss are a writer who should be mentioned in every library and do me a favor make a new you won't regret it if it's anything like this one

wow totally love this story cant wait untill the next chapter