|Reviews for Seto Kaiba's Dilemma|
| xLightEvadesDarknessX chapter 1 . 6/27/2014
you say 'and' too much, its kinda annoying
| Yugioh lover 17 chapter 25 . 1/7/2014
I loved it soooooo much!
| dancing elf chapter 25 . 11/25/2013
entertaining story :)
| Second Storey Stairwell chapter 1 . 12/30/2007
Well, where do I start. First off, there was a lot of spelling mistakes. Secondly, have you ever heard the phrase "Show don't tell"? Seems like you could learn a lot from it. I don't know how to put it, the story just seemed so robotic. "He walked to the elevator. He pressed the down button." ect. Of course it wasn't that extreme, but it had pretty much the same effect. The reader wants to be able to paint there own picture of what's happened by using your words as starting points, not have it forcefully handed to them. it takes away the fun of reading in the first place. Like with that one paragraph, the elevator one, you could have written it something more like this -
His eyes were becoming harder to keep open by the second, the five hours he had been sitting there signing papers finally taking a toll on him. Running his hands over his eyes in a futile attempt to relieve the pressure burning behind them, he began to pack away the documents that would be going home with him tonight. Hearing the dull thump of his office door closing as he made his way to the elevator, he felt the tennsion in his shoulders to ease. His bed was waiting for him, and it was as much a siren as ever. Stepping into the parking lot, he nodded to his drive in greeting. "Home. Quickest route possible." he whispered coldly, the slamming of the car door signifying it was time to leave.
I hope you're not offended that I rewrote a bit of the story you wrote, it's just that I thought it could have been really good if you had just had a bit more practice or something. Keep the whole "Show, don't tell" thing in mind next time you're writting a story.
| Somebody nobody knows chapter 1 . 11/14/2007
Good story, but one word...PUNCTUATION. I must say, you have a wonderful talent for exceptionaly long run on sentences.
| Ninety-Nine-More chapter 4 . 11/12/2007
I was just reading Seto Kaiba's Dilemma and just wanted to send you a more personal review.
Nice story, a bit different... but thats because in the manga Jounouchi (Joey)'s father is an alcoholic. Just some constructive criticism, you're very good at writing lemons but you tend to lose all sense of grammar when you write them. All the sudden out of nowhere you'll have a awesome smut filled sequence, but its one big run-on sentence. That can be really horrible to look at and extremely hard to read. Anyways, good story though. Glad you finished it. Keep at the good work.