|Reviews for Emerald Eyes|
| N J Dryad chapter 33 . 6/9
This was an astonishingly good book for a first effort. You wrote an interesting story with well-developed, likable characters. You did a better job of that than Rowling herself, in fact. Your writing style is excellent, better than that of many professional authors. I'm VERY glad to see you've decided to continue with this story arc. Thank you for writing this. On the the next book!
| N J Dryad chapter 32 . 6/9
I forgot to mention that in the previous chapter, I loved your portrayal of a humble Harry. He actually admitted he was just a kid, didn't know everything, and should let the adults take over sometimes. Wonderful!
Your Dumbledore is the person JKR thought she was writing, but didn't. Canon DD is clearly a narcissistic psychopath who gets off on tormenting and humiliating Snape. I'm just sorry he got such a quick, clean death, instead of the slow, painful one he deserved.
Ah, so he used Fiendfyre to get rid of the diary. Interesting idea, concentrating it like that. I've never seen that before.
I liked the way Severus distracted Harry from questions by using the shiny object of the new book. That's very Slytherin; always thinking ahead.
Corrections: Erect when used as a verb refers only to objects or ideas, not people, so Snape can't erect himself. He can draw or pull himself erect, however. Maybe that's what you were thinking of. Slit is used only to mean cutting something, not opening eyes. Preamble is an introductory statement, not a qualm or concern. I truly appreciate your using more complex language and a large variety of words, but you still have to be sure to use the correct words. :D
| N J Dryad chapter 31 . 6/9
Your climax to this story was much better than canon, in large part because there was none of that deus ex machina nonsense with Fawkes showing up just in time with just the right weapon. I'm VERY sorry you killed the basilisk, though. I always prefer stories in which it lives. It's just an animal, after all, who was exploited by an evil man. It's not evil itself.
The canonical reason the diary could be destroyed with the sword of Gryffindor was because the sword was impregnated with basilisk venom. The sword itself has no inherent horcrux-destroying power. In fact, it's a horcrux itself, which was deactivated when it was used to kill the basilisk. So that part of your story doesn't work.
| Guest chapter 33 . 6/9
Such a good story. I never would've known it's your first.
| N J Dryad chapter 30 . 6/8
Great chapter. I particularly liked the way they literally stumbled into the Chamber. They were both acting very Gryffindorish there. ; ) However, I don't see why a giant statue of a snake should be obscene, unless you're one of those weirdos who hates perfectly innocent and useful animals because of what some Bronze Age book says.
| N J Dryad chapter 29 . 6/8
We can see Harry and Severus growing to be more like each other. It'll be interesting to see what happens if somebody notices and points it out.
Snape's not as smart as he thinks, making Harry eat fruit. Fruit has a lot of sugar, too. And as a monster expert, Gilderoy should know ghosts and ghouls are not the same thing.
Corrections: You wrote condescendence again instead of condescension. The teachers' eyes bored into Harry, not bore. Bore is the past tense of bear, but it's also a regular verb whose past tense is bored. You referred to Snape's adept skill at ignoring conversations. That's redundant in this case. You also refer to him as drinking from a mug in the first part of the scene, and a goblet later. Which is it? Unless he had two beverages, which you don't indicate.
| N J Dryad chapter 28 . 6/8
I particularly want to commend you for this phrase about Snape: "the wilted picture of humanity that was the dour potions master." That is just lovely. It takes real talent to write something that poetic. Well done!
| N J Dryad chapter 27 . 6/8
Great breakthrough scene. I love the way Harry and Severus are competing with each other to see who can be more protective of the other. They care about each other, but they're not willing to openly admit it yet, even to themselves. You conveyed that subtly and well-just like a Slytherin.
| N J Dryad chapter 26 . 6/8
Wow, Harry's actually learning to control his impulsiveness. I assume that'll factor into the rest of the story. He's also lying if he says he's not scared. If he's not, he's a bigger dunderhead than Snape thinks he is.
Snape assured Harry Ginny might not have been possessed, not insured. And saying Molly did something "for a brief instant" is redundant.
| Guest chapter 25 . 6/8
Surely I'm not the only one to notice Snape reacts to Dumbledore the same way Harry reacts to Snape, and vice versa. No wonder Severus finds Harry so annoying. Nobody irritates you more than someone who reminds you of things you don't like about yourself. Not to mention that this is a perfect example of crap rolling downhill. That is, your boss is mean to you, so you take it out on somebody of lower status than yourself.
Harry's reaction to Ron and Hermione's fighting makes him sound more like Snape all the time. And how nice that he got to see Draco getting spanked. Maybe now he'll feel better about his own encounters with Snape's hand.
| N J Dryad chapter 24 . 6/8
The bedside scene was lovely. The plot is developing very well. Thanks for writing this.
| N J Dryad chapter 23 . 6/8
What a likable, sympathetic Harry you've written! He's much more congenial than the one in canon, who always seemed cranky, willful, and annoying. I read the books because I liked the plots, but I never cared much for the characters-except Snape, of course. ; )
I'm assuming this cave is the one holding the Slytherin locket. Why is the Gryffindor rug dusty? Haven't the house elves been doing their job?
| N J Dryad chapter 22 . 6/8
You're developing the relationship between Harry and Severus so well. Snape is starting to take Harry seriously, and Harry's learning that Snape is not always a git and can actually be reasoned with. Very good!
| Guest chapter 21 . 6/8
I'm glad you're not following canon. If I wanted to read that, I'd reread CoS. The whole point of reading fanfic is to read something new and different.
Hmmm. I wonder if the reason the kids always tried to handle things themselves is because they thought the adults were out to lunch. I guess one could argue that if the teachers had communicated their competence, there would have been no series, but you and other fanfic writers have shown how teachers and students can work together to solve problems. It doesn't have to be either/or.
BTW, in Yorkshire, which is in the north of England, sunset is before 4 PM in the winter, not 6 PM as you have in the previous chapter. Sunrise is about 8 AM.
| N J Dryad chapter 20 . 6/7
This is getting better and better. I'm sure you'll do something great with the portkey. I admit, though, I'm a little disappointed that they ended up in Snape's quarters. I was hoping Severus was taking Harry back to the Gryffindor common room. I love the image of how the Gryffs would react to Snape stepping out of their fireplace. Bwahaha!