|Reviews for I Live On|
| ebi chapter 34 . 3/17
i thnk u shud pair chad with nanao also please update
| robert590 chapter 34 . 1/20
i know that you have heard this plenty of times before, but please release another chapter of this story the plot and the way you have the characters interact is superb, i thorughly enjoyed reading this story, and i will read through it again
| penguinrocks chapter 34 . 1/18
Hi I really liked this chapter and I hope that one day you come back to keep writing it. its a really good story and I hope you don't forget about it completely. well anyways nice chapter even though you wrote it years ago.
| beast of the 7 suns megidoh chapter 15 . 12/3/2013
when will anko be redeemed or killed cuz what u did was gay she shoulda gone with naruto oh and sasuke should die soon hes annoying using him as the main villian of naruto this long is stupid woulda been more intresting if it was a psychotic hinata
| Minato 1 chapter 34 . 11/13/2013
| StrongGuy159 chapter 34 . 11/5/2013
Cool story continue please.
| soarath chapter 15 . 8/28/2013
dude wtf traitor really! come on man . ughh
| Wyrd42 chapter 2 . 8/25/2013
The writing is bad. Bad enough that I wouldn't continue reading if this story didn't have so many favorites. On the plus side, this chapter is better than the first, giving me hope that you have improved as a writer. In case I find myself unable to continue reading and/or don't feel like reviewing further, I'd like to point out what I have problems with. Please be aware that my criticism is always meant to be constructive, to help you improve your writing in the future, and is not an attack on you as an individual or writer. I've found that including that disclaimer can save a lot of headaches.
First big problem: the constantly changing tenses. Present tense should only be used in speech and thought, where you are quoting a person, document, being, etc., with past tense used to describe everything else. You are always describing what happened instead of what is happening in a written medium, because even if you were writing this as it happened, to the reader it would later be in the past.
The constant of use of big as(which, incidentally, should be big ass the way you are using it). There are a great many words in the English language to describe something large. Please pick a variety of them. Reuse of the same descriptor, especially for different things, gets old quickly. This is also such a casual phrase that it doesn't fit well in descriptors, though could be used in speech quite readily. Some things just don't translate well from spoken word to written; much of slang falls into this category.
Plot wise, this feels extremely rushed and contrived. You don't need to start off by telling us how much he's already had sex with girls you intend to be partners later, or to show he is a sexually active man. Certainly, it does not need to be harped on as much as you have been doing. Showing concern and emotional attachment is fine, but you failed to really do that, failed to give the interactions much meaning or depth. For example, the meeting with Haku should, in my opinion, have been written out as a full scene, perhaps with Naruto talking to the 4th division captain, Zabuza introduces the 4th seat with a strained voice, Naruto turns, sees Haku, and then you can go into his mind boggling at the curves present on someone he recognizes, but thought was male. Development of every character who you want to be a major part of the story is very important, especially in how you introduce them.
For room assignments, you could have simply said that he was being roomed with one of the other new recruits... only there were three guys and one girl, and no new recruit got their own room, so Naruto just got the short straw(or long, depending on how you look at it) of having to share a room with a girl, with all of he extra awkwardness that entails. Seems less contrived to me.
I hope that some of this helps you, and hope very strongly that the subsequent chapters are good, as I've not seen many good Naruto/Bleach crossovers, which seems a shame to me. The two stories seem highly compatible with only a little tweaking . One I think could be interesting is a Naruto who can see ghosts, hollows, and Shinigami because of the Kyuubi, and winds up receiving some training from one of the Shinigami in order to defend himself from the hollows he attracts. After all, in canon, the kyuubi was split into his yin and yang halves. Reiatsu is essentially the yin half of chakra, so if Minato had taken the yang half with him instead, it becomes very workable. I don't like super Naruto, but teaching him a few hado and giving him a bit more weapons training doesn't have to make him super. Having him try to pass on a message from the Sasuke's dead relatives could be very amusing as well.
On a side note, my favorite Belach character is Orihime-not for her super boobs, but for her personality. If it was just the large chest, I'd be spoilt for choice with the number of impossible racks in this series.
| Guest chapter 18 . 8/9/2013
Type your review for this chapter here...
| Pepperoni Muncher chapter 6 . 8/5/2013
I think the twist was well put... I'll read on to see what happens next...
| Doombug chapter 34 . 8/3/2013
pretty good but it feels like their are to many women in the Harem alot of them seem to fade into the background alot or aren't mentioned for chapter upon chapter so often that I actually forget they are in the story which seem to be a common problem with harem fics but I still love em. Good writing also
| Doombug chapter 19 . 8/3/2013
if Tatsuki moves at the speed of light then wouldn't she be the fastest person in the story since nothing moves faster than Light
| Doombug chapter 6 . 8/3/2013
Rukia was a total bitch in this for people so long lived with such harsh lives how they can be so naive is beyond me
| Doombug chapter 1 . 8/3/2013
um if It's been fully absorbed then its mind and personality should of been absorbed as well so obviously it hasn't be fully absorbed or it'd be gone...so that make no sense atleast if you said it was only partially absorbed it would of made more sense but then there is the problem of if it was only partial then Kyuubi should be its own separate 'soul', unless naruto is hollowish and ate his soul
| Guest chapter 34 . 7/10/2013
U are d main man u are fatabulous, sweet but y dont u give naruto a power-up it will make it excellent