|Reviews for A Mask and a Song|
| Recidivist chapter 12 . 4/29/2010
Mischief shone in Martin's as he answered. "You"
Relief was in Columbine's eyes as she answered. "Thank the fates no. Since that day he has been the most gentle and caring creature I've ever met. Gonff may have stolen my heart, but Martin will always be a very special friend. I think everyone who has met him feels the same way" A knowing grin spread on Columbine's face as she finished talking.
"Now what's a pretty thing like you doing crying? I would have though you and Martin would have been stuck together like you had run in to a pine tree and gotten covered in the sap"
"That it was. You've taught me a thing or two about having fun Gonff." Martin had walked up behind the pair. He was holding a small linen bag. Rose went to his side where Martin put an arm around her waist. Gonff was grinning. "Like I said, tree sap"
For all paragraphs above, my only complaints are the punctuation. Like the periods or commas that go right before the end quotation mark.
Sure enough the crowd of creatures carrying Martin had made its way to Council Lodge. Columbine ran off to find Gonff who promptly swept her off her feet. Martin was born to the head table. Rose worked her way to where he stood and took his paw. Martin looked down at her joy dancing in his eyes. He was about to say something when Gonff's flute rang out again. The plump Mousethief then launched into a lively song that was a great favorite of the Redwallers.
"Martin was born to the head table."
I'm not completely sure, but I believe that it's supposed to be like "Martin was borne to the head table." Born with the 'e' at the end. Correct? No?
-The cruel flamer
| Recidivist chapter 11 . 4/29/2010
I should have asked you earlier, but how do you make italics, bold, and underlined? I'm using MicrosoftWord2003.
I'm an underage fanfictioner.
And I am in 5th grade.
This chapter was very...happyish. :D
Does Martin have an accent?
Wait, I don't think so.
| Recidivist chapter 10 . 4/29/2010
's me, the flamer.
Haha, I believe there is no errors for this chapter! Haharr!
"Och aye, Ah do bae glad tha' ye kin write such h'a long chapt'r, h'an' 'ave nothin' wrong wit it! Congratulashuns, wot!"
| Recidivist chapter 9 . 4/29/2010
A rain of heavy sling stones flew straight and true at the unsuspecting Slavers. Several were felled before they turned as one and presented a wall of shields to the otters. The Silent Slavers began a slow march toward the line of the otter crew, but launched no missiles of their own. Their training and experience had been against vermin and searat foes. They had never before faced an enemy that relied solely on cast weapons. As such the Slavers had no slings or arrows of their own, and their heavy spears would never carry the distance to where the otters bravely stood their ground
I did not exclude the period. Direct copypaste. Obviously, it's me the flamer, once again. Last sentence needs period.
Skipper shook his head at the always jovial Gonff as he and the uninjured otters came over to help. Turning to Streamer, Skipper gave swift instruction. "Shift yourself over that pig place by the rocks. There's to many injured crew and others for us to deal with." Streamer touched his rudder to the brow in salute and ran off.
For this paragraph, I believe there is two errors: "Shift yourself over that pig place by the rocks. There's to many injured crew and others for us to deal with."
I think: "...over that pig place..." should be "...over that big place..."
Also, "There's to many..." should be "There's too many..."
Gah. I'm starting to feel really ashamed of all my criticism for your chapters 'cause they're already so good.
I am cruel.
| Recidivist chapter 8 . 4/29/2010
Through the lightning now flickering above him he again gazed down into the valley he had left so long ago. Between the trees he caught glimpse of a lone cloaked figure dashing towards the line of what must be the Silent Slavers. Martin started down the bluffs, after the figure as it bellowed out a challenge he could not hear due to the hot wind that had just arisen. Seeing the figure cut down two rats Martin couldn't help but be impressed by the creatures courage. His pride turned to shock as he saw the masked fox confront the figure. Martin drew his sword as he pounded down the slope drawing nearer and nearer. He only paused an instant to duck the flying blade the masked fox had sent flying from the paw of the cloaked one. Martin looked at the blade, and fresh waves of his sense of duty came to him at the sight of it. Lowering the visor on his helmet, he turned back just as the black armored fox swung his sword high for the finishing blow. Martin put on an extra burst of speed and flung his sword before him expertly.
I'm back again from the world of flamers.
I'm quite amazed at the quality of this chapter.
I found to errors in this chapter, and the one in the chapter above is in the sentence: "Seeing the figure cut down two rats Martin couldn't help but be impressed by the creatures courage."
Instead of "...by the creatures courage," I think it's: "...by the creature's courage." Correct? No?
Bringing the shield on his arm up in a great arc, the Warrior bashed it straight into the face of Rassk driving him back a full twenty paces. Grabbing his blade out of the refuge wall in the same movement, Martin twisted his sword in a quick circle and stood ten paces away facing the black armored fox, his red cape fluttering in the wind. Suddenly lighting split the sky all around them.
Last sentence: "Suddenly lighting split the sky all around them."
I think this is a typo, but it still makes some sense. I believe you meant: "Suddenly lightning split the sky all around them." I'm not too sure if you typed "lighting" instead of "lightning" on purpose. :D
Amazing battle scene.
-The brat who is more brattish than a fan, thus, a fanBRAT.
| Recidivist chapter 7 . 4/29/2010
I have no critiques!
(Am I that determined to find one problem per chapter? I am seriously mean.)
| Recidivist chapter 6 . 4/29/2010
"Mother Abbes, a duty from long ago calls me north. I beg your leave to assist those facing a deadly peril."
I am a true evil flamer.
I think you've guessed the problem.
I believe "Abbes" should have another 's' in it.
Should I stop flaming?
| Recidivist chapter 5 . 4/29/2010
Brome gnawed on his lower lip as he considered his mother's sage words. An idea then suddenly came to him. That afternoon Brome again addressed the entirety of Noonvale. "My friends, you all know of the peril facing us. We know we cannot defeat this slaver and his vermin. We are creatures of peace, not trained warriors. But we can stand as ready as possible in order to prevent us from becoming additions to the line of slaves this masked fox seeks. According to latest reports the slavers are still half a season's march from our valley. This gives us time.
"Never before has Noonvale played guest to so many fine creatures. Therefore I ask your help in these dark times. I ask you to help build a larger shelter house next to the waterfall cliff. We will use the rock face and the timber of the forest to create a place where we can all take refuge should the time come.
Again, I'm here to criticize.
Shouldn't there be a quotation mark after the second paragraph after Brome finishes speaking?
I am cruel.
-The cruel one
| Recidivist chapter 4 . 4/29/2010
Martin stared at the ground upon hearing the new information. His relief that his vow had not been broken was tempered only his concern on hearing of the slavers. Suddenly his old sense of a warrior's duty leapt out at him. He looked up; eye's clear and on fire, as he spoke to Emalet.
Why hello there.
It's me again.
The insane person.
I have to again critique you, because being the mean person I am, that's one of the things my part-flamer's spirit wants me to do.
"He looked up; eye's clear and on fire, as he spoke to Emalet."
I believe it should be "He looked up; eyes clear and on fire..."
Grammar and possessive things, etc.
| Recidivist chapter 3 . 4/29/2010
Urran Voh, aged grey by countless long seasons, lay sick on his bed. The only person he called for was his son. When Brome arrived the old mouse took his sons paws in his.
Why hello there.
I am a mere fanbrat, spending time reading fanfictions.
I decided to critique your writing.
About the sentence "The only person he called for was his son," should it be "The only beast he called for was his son," or is it ok to you as it is already?
Happy writing, wot.
-The insane being
| Lan Gu chapter 1 . 11/24/2009
hello, again, i loved this and the sequel, winters up the great writing
| Lady Storm chapter 3 . 8/21/2009
Hey ho, just rereading this since you got us all going with The Blossom. Something that bothered me for a while (but I don't think I mentioned): Where is Aryah in this? You never mentioned her passing or anything. Just curious.
| drunkambrose chapter 14 . 7/27/2009
Uh, how the heck can one be made sterile by a head injury?
| drunkambrose chapter 12 . 7/27/2009
Hope you don't mind the storm of reviews I'm giving you. Heh. When Martin said "I am, that is", I thought it was just a coincidence, and I was going to bring it up in my review.
| drunkambrose chapter 11 . 7/27/2009
Wow. Quite a bit of fluff here, but it's not the "Martin fangirl" kind of fluff. It seems more real, for some reason. Probably because it's very well written. (;