Short for a first attempt , but could lead to a good story with a little more plot and a little more detail to it. Do not let other people put you of writing your story because they cannot give constuctive reviews, people like 'Manic Asphyxiation'. If they cannot give good reviews then pay no attention to them as they are'nt worth your time.

Well hell. Read your reviews. Talk about a seriously bad first review to get you started. Sheesh.

Well. Gotta admit, it's not worst work i've ever seen but considering a first work, (not to mention taking a random guess at your age) I can't be too mad. On the other hand, they weren't really lying. It IS pretty bad.

Something to note. A: Never make an Omake that's as long as your fic. There's... a big problem with that.

B: I know you wrote that in paragraph form. It's not the result of a formating error. You wrote it that way. It's rather difficult to explain the problems with that in a review box but suffice it to say that if you read a fic or five hundred then you will see that having a more then one PERSON talk in a single line generally is NOT a good thing.

Your entire story is in a line. Put bluntly, Bad Juju.

Honestly, you aren't too bad writing wise. Just fix your style and you'll be worthy of noticing at the very least. Fix your writing style and the SIZE of your fic. (At the VERY least a thousands words per chapter. Minimum!) Then you'll be worthy of a review critiquing the actual points of the story.

Well. That's all I have to say at the moment.

Ja!

MB

Well, all I can say is this story gets to join the other garbage sm x-overs on I won't go into you spelling and editing. do us all a favor though, If you are going to write don't write sailor moon, DBZ or pokemon crossovers with Ranma. Most of the idiots on have not figured out that those crossovers have been done to death and they suck. Pick something that complements Ranma 1/2 or try to meld something ORIGINAL together.

Too short, too vague, WAY TO CRUNCHED TOGETHER! No way I can give this a good review. Try previewing your stories before posting them.

\par \par \par

lern2edit kk? loveyoubye.

Spellcheck.

Format.

Edit. Seriously edit.

Did you double space? Do that and reload. Then, once I can read it I'm sure that I'm going to say that it's a very nic fic. Please don't lose your courage to try again.

P.S. Do you think you could check out my fic?

Timdraco, minus the formatting and spelling issues, you have a brief two paragraph introduction. The first paragraph set up the story nicely. It still needed a little more detail though.

The second paragraph is where you need work. I would like to see a little more detail/background on your protagonist and the Bravo Company. In a short 135 words, you went from a “great” battle to the Moon Palace. Where did the great battle take place? How long did it take for the commander to get to the palace?

From the story, there is no guess work on who the Commander is supposed to be. Does the commander have a name? A side note, a military company typically consisting of 75-200 soldiers, which are formed of three to five platoons. I am not sure if a private would be able to yell to the Company commander. They would more likely go to the platoon commander first.

For information on Sailor Moon go to . They are a good resource. Before posting the first chapter, please have someone proof read the story for spelling and grammar errors and watch the formatting. As the story is now, it needs to be re-posted in a readable format.

Ouch! Looks like this is the victim of some sort of formating error, I suggest reloading it and hoping for the best. From what I could read, it looks like you have a good concept that just needs fleshing out.

What the hell... it's complete and utter crap.

I usually don't write reviews to bad stories, but this... this is just SO bad on SO many levels, I feel it necessary to comment on just how bad this is. As there is really nothing of any redeeming quality to this... this... garbage spewed onto fanfiction readers everywhere.

F-

Go to to learn how to write good Ranma crossover fanfics.

I can't read it. What's up with the format?

OH MY GOD. THIS IS TOTAL CRAP! You're not supposed to put this junk in the fanfiction section. JEEZ. NEVER WRITE AGAIN FOR THE SAKE OUR OUR BANDWIDTHS. I've wiped my ass with better stories! This isn't even a story, it's a scrap of nothing but pure junk. As Triumph would say It's a story... "FOR ME TO POOP ON!"