|Reviews for plastique|
| 0110111001101111 chapter 1 . 10/11/2007
M, MarluNami. I like the juxtaposition of her lines and his French lines.
That said, though, yeah, I think some of the French is fairly off. I haven't taken French since ninth grade (which was rather a long time ago) so I could also be wrong, but I know some of it isn't quite right. For instance "vous n’avez plus besoin de ce garçon" would probably be "vous n'avez pas besoin de ce garçon".
I'm not sure how to go about fixing them, but something is off about "petite sorcière, temps de couper vos ailes", and "merci de l'economie je" (the last one for sure, because sentences never end with je, as far as I remember, and économizer means saving as in saving money-sauver is the word you want). "Merci de me sauver" sounds about right.
The former only sounds incorrect because I'm not sure how the colloquialism "time to" translates into French. Maybe putting something like "je me couperai vos ailes, l'ailée" would work ("I will cut/clip your wings, winged one").
"Mordre votre langue" should be "mordez-vous la langue", though I think the latter half of that sentence is correct. Everything else aside from what I've mentioned seems right to me.
Sorry that was so long-winded-my two cents on French, let me show you them.
| SecretBox chapter 1 . 10/10/2007
So unique. So . . . so utterly GORGEOUS. I am just soo speechless right now, you have no idea. This puts my MarlyNam to shame.
| pixie paramount chapter 1 . 10/10/2007
OH MY GOD, YOU MAKE FRENCH SO MUCH SEXIER THEN IT ALREADY IS. SERIOUSLY. . . . . .
It so, SO, doesn't have to do with the fact that I'm addicted to this pair-AND THE AWESOMNESS THAT IS YOU-but, GOD, is your poetry pretty. It doesn't hurt that you add in the French (by God, I will love you for ever and ever and ever for it), either.
ONE THING YOU MUST NOTE, THOUGH: the perspective-Namine, I LOVE YOU LOTS-adds such a poetic feel to it. Particularly when she describes HIM (as the bastard-that-so-totally-stole-her-heart-and-will-break-it-over-and-ober-and-over-even-when-it-doesn't-exsist).
I find it uber cool that you retain thier characterization through-and-through, I find it great when you can do that in a poem-usually, my characterization goes to hell (damn you). XD Your Namine is still light and airy and real but oh-so-locked-in-a-cage-and-used, and your Marluxia is still a bastard (BUT I LOVE HIM THAT WAY, ) and...Yeah; it's totally sexy beyond that word alone.
Oh my god. Oh my God. OH MY GOD. These stanzas own:
["that twirls in her fingers cold and synthetic
he says that’s the way “love” lasts forever"] - God, you know how to twist the heart in knots while your freaking CHOKING ON AIR. It's amazing, really.
["and she dreams always of it, always of it
the flower that won’t ever die"] - REPITITION IS LOVE! YOU PROVE IT! *_*
["and all she can do is mourn
for she does not know a way out
(merci de l’économie je)"] - Total and utter GUH. The last stanza should own above all others and still deliver a fantastic punch-PREFERABLY IN THE GUT, I've got bad eye-sight as it is, kthxbye :O-and this does. It really, honestly, does. I love this line for that. It retains the mood/feel/ESSENCE of this piece while also ending it. EVEN WITH THE FRENCH IT STILL OWNS ABOVE ALL OTHERS.
I MUST PROFESS MY LOVE FOR THIS BY PIMPING IT THE HELL OUT. CAN I? :O
(...i love you so much right now.)
| Rehime chapter 1 . 10/10/2007
What a poem! So very wonderful, and the style it's in allow for imagination.