|Reviews for Boid in a Cage|
| Jen Graves chapter 1 . 9/6/2008
Very funny! You do very well describing things, making one feel like you are there.
I would start out the story with the man cleaning his gun, so that way the reader wants to continue reading to find out why he is cleaning his gun...what does he plan on doing with it?
Also your paragraph describing the front room was excellent, but it was alot all at one time. Some of it although good, was irrelevent. I would break it up through out the story like, "the fat guy aimed his gun at the television in the corner." If the tv is playing a show in italian, perhaps the bird could speak something in italian?
You referred to the gun as a weapon at the end, I would stick with one or the other.
Just a couple of thoughts. I really enjoyed it and was curious to see what happened to the bird. Good Job!
| PennyLessWriter chapter 1 . 1/7/2008
I really liked this, I had always thought The Far Side only worked in picture formats but your words really conjured up an image in my end. Nice Work
| zzbean chapter 1 . 12/4/2007
Hey, great stuff. I like the descriptive language.
| AutumnDreaming chapter 1 . 10/13/2007
You're a nut! :P Pretty funny though. I needed a laugh. Thanks! -Autumn