Reviews for Beyond
ReviewsGalore chapter 40 . 11/23/2007
Story: 6/10. In terms of story, I think that it flows better than the last one, but I still think that there is an awful lot of fic here for not much plot and I still think it struggles for purpose.

Characters: 6.25/10. I think that a big and increasing problem with the characters is that they are just too perfect. Pansy and Harry always seem to have all the answers and anyone who disagrees with them is automatically wrong. They are interesting in their own way, but cockiness and melodramatic speeches can only get you so far. They become almost Sueish.

Creativity: 6.5/10. Some interesting spins, but I again feel like it relies too much on the actual text of the book.

Writing: 7.75/10. I think that your writing is pretty good. It's not terribly vivid or wonderfully descriptive, but it is correct and flows smoothly though I still think that the chapters could transition better.

Believability: 5.5/10. I still can't get over the difference between how people of this age are treated in the books and in this fic. This story makes it seem like the students boss the teachers around!

Overall: 6.5/10. It's a fun, well written fic, but you characters need to show more nuances and your story more purpose.
gizzer18 chapter 40 . 11/4/2007
omg, been on hols 4 last 2 weeks thats why i could not review soz, the last 5 chaps made me pratically cry u r awsome at writing
Fibinaci chapter 40 . 11/1/2007
So Sirius lives, Ginny dies, but Libra's adoption will be hard to come by. Will we see Ginny's funeral or will we be spared? And Draco and Narcissa do they knoe exactly how Lucius died? Being killed in a duel is one thing being sacrificed to save the "Chosen One" is another. Would Voldie even want Draco around anymore without Lucius to torment? I'm heading over to the next story now! Thanks for such a fun ride!
Diogenes chapter 40 . 11/1/2007
A nice, short little chapter to finish things off.

Things I'd like to see in the next installment:

1. More Ancient Magic - surely it was introduced for more than just Blinking and Mindseeking!

2. A more competent Harry - quite frankly, at the moment he still sucks and has been darn near useless...he should be kicking some derrieres!

3. More Pansy - she kinda got shoved to second fiddle in the last chapters to Ginny (and lets face it, the story ain't about her...if it was I wouldn't be reading it!)

4. More Libra - she's grown on me, what can I say! :)

Things I'd like to see none of:

1. Hermione kissing Harry on the mouth. Hugs, kisses on the cheek, platonic stuff...all good. Married man being kissed on the lips by a woman not his wife...very bad.

Anyway, thanks for sharing another story. I look forward to seeing what you've got planned in 'Apotheosis'. In fact, I'm off to check out the first chapter now...
Diogenes chapter 39 . 11/1/2007
Hm, a more sombre couple of they should be I suppose. Quite well written - though I think you placed far far too much emphasis on the connection between Ginny and Harry; and I'm not saying this just because I don't like Ginny.

Harry loves Pansy, and by all accounts Libra as well (though in a slightly different way). He doesn't have the same connection with Ginny and yet you have him wanting to follow her into death; that he can't live without that part him that cherishes his friendship with her.

That's a load of manure if ever I heard it - sure it's sad his friend is dead, but there's no way you'd give up on life, give up on the love of your life and stronger connections to other people (Libra, Hermione, Ron...) for that. It was a nicely written bit of sentiment, I just don't agree with that part of it...if it had been Pansy, well then I could understand it...

The other bit I don't understand is Harry saying to Dumbledore that he was in Ginny's head when she died...when exactly did that happen? I certainly don't remember any mention of it from the actual battle...

Otherwise, like I said, a couple of well written chapters.
Diogenes chapter 37 . 11/1/2007
First up, you really need to go through this chapter and do some editing. For example:

"another curse, Dumbledore whipped his the Fountain of Magical Brethren"

is not the worlds greatest use of grammar. There's a few occurrences of this, so you may want to read back through it and fix it up where necessary.

Luna's not dead, eh...I'm sure most of us jumped to the wrong conclusion there! It was nice to get an overview of all the students and their injuries...but what about the rest of the Order?

My favourite part of this chapter was the very last line...great way to end it...
Diogenes chapter 36 . 11/1/2007
Ch. 35 was somewhat interesting, especially with the Veil (I presume) interfering with the Ancient Magic abilities. Do we find out more later on on this?

Ch. 36 was mostly awesomeness. I quite enjoyed your description of the battle. I particularly liked the way you manipulated Harry's emotions as certain scenes played out: his joy at being compared to his father; his relief at having his Godfather spared; his turmoil and anger as his friends lives are snuffed out...nice work.

There's only one thing I'm disappointed with - the distinct lack of Ancient Magic on display. I was hoping to see some cool use of the elements (there's been the odd fireball but that's been the extent of it), but they seemed to be less important than you having three people throw a Cruciatis Curse at the same DE in the middle of a battle...this was one part I didn't like, it was totally the wrong time for it...I'd have liked to have seen a combination effect of three elements hitting Yaxley at that would've been cool...

As for the deaths, well, I haven't hidden my dislike for Ginny thus far so I'm really not dismayed at her demise (I'd do a happy dance if I didn't think it was inappropriate). As for Luna, that was an interesting choice (was there a reason?)...she hasn't played a huge role to date but it did make things a tad more realistic. To be honest, I was expecting you to take out Nick Granger...

Anyhoo, overall it was a very good chapter and now I'm off to read what happens next...
Diogenes chapter 34 . 11/1/2007
CH 33: Not hugely different from canon, but there was one interesting occurrence - Harry didn't get to make his fire call...will this have an effect later on?

CH 34: The clash between DA and IS once it started seemed a little too easy and really makes one wonder how they managed to get captured in the first place. I did however like the way it was written - Pansy melting the floor was a nice use of magical intimidation.

Oh and Harry seems to be getting kissed lately by everyone but Pansy...I can see your reasoning behind two of them; Hermione kissing him on the lips again in celebration isn't on that list. A hug would've sufficed or a high-five...she's meant to be in love with Ron...I also think Harry would've been less than accepting of the 'as friends' excuse after what Ginny did not so long ago...

Anyways, I'm looking forward to seeing what you've got in store for the gang at the Ministry.
Fibinaci chapter 36 . 10/30/2007
Ok I know I said either granger twin or any Weasley but still..Luna? Thats evil he heals her and she dies the very next second. It seems they are doing worse not better even though they are better trained, have more members, plus the order has Frank and Alice to help.
horsinaround94 chapter 36 . 10/30/2007
Wow! you're really changing the story! I can't believe you killed Ginny and Luna! How could you? nless they're not really dead...?
horsinaround94 chapter 35 . 10/30/2007
As usual I love it, but where is the rest of the order and why didn't he just tell McGonagall if she wasn't in the hospital?
Fibinaci chapter 35 . 10/30/2007
Nice to see more people going with Harry strength in numbers and all. "Libra Potter" has a nice ring to it. if Pansy can just force people to call her Potter without a wedding Libra can minus an adoption(Dumbles wouldn't mind). Is the Veil negating the blinking and mindseeking? I like Luna and Neville together as he's good enough for her.
Fibinaci chapter 34 . 10/30/2007
Why couldnt they do that from the begining? They totally outclassed the IS.
Fibinaci chapter 33 . 10/29/2007
Pansy's gonna be one irate goddess! I look forward to the beatdown. Im on the edge of my seat!
Fibinaci chapter 32 . 10/29/2007
Maybe it woulda been nicer if he told her he never woulda liked her that way. I have come to hate it when the love interest tells the hero to find someone else if they die as almost always they do infact die and the hero just sorta moves on to the pre-established replacementgirlfriend/actualtrulove. I'm surprised Harry hasn't had atleast a word w/ Nick about his intentions towards Libra, even if he's cool w/ them together he still needs to at least make his presence known.
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