|Reviews for A Night in Starlight|
| madval29 chapter 1 . 3/21
| Andrius chapter 1 . 11/1/2013
Hermione changed her mind about flying rather quickly there... No that I'm blaming her :)
| StrawberryDuckFeathers chapter 1 . 7/15/2013
Haha, I love that beginning part. Considering that a lot of your readers will probably have had to study for exams, it's so relatable for your readers, the way you so well show the exam stress they're trying to endure. I like how you've still given Hermione that bookworm-ish personality I remember her having, and it's quite funny how she doesn't even know what Harry has just said because she's too absorbed in her revision. :P
I really like the setting of it as well, out in the nighttime, since I see night as a relaxing time of the day, and your descriptions make it seem even more so. :) I like how Hermione seems to compare his skills to herself, making it seem more amazing to her because she doesn't feel capable of it. :)
I found it sweet when he'd never left her fall. :) I like how she starts to relax then, and I like how she wants to be more than just friends with him now. I also like the soft-sounding descriptions of their kiss, as it makes it seem very sweet and romantic.
I like how she has some development in the way she starts off hating flying, and then doesn't mind it, because it's hard to give characters development in a one-shot, I feel.
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Here is my critique/suggestions for you. :)
. (and set-off quietly) in 'Set-off' , the hyphon needs to be omitted. :)
[ and set off quietly ]
. (open to peak) In this sense, 'peak' would be 'peek'. :)
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Great job! Keep up the good work. :)
| MissScorp chapter 1 . 7/9/2013
I really loved how you depicted the characters true to form here-Ron sound asleep while Harry and Hermione study the night away. You also kept Harry and Hermione true to form with Harry being a quiet and gentle soul (in odds to his deplorable upbringing) and Hermione the little bookworm with a fear of flying. A couple of lines I wanted to bring into light and comment on:
((In books there was the safety of imagination—she could enjoy the excitement of fact and of the fantastical, and never needed to worry that the shrieking ghoul of pain and death lay beneath where she flew.))- I really love how you represent that Hermoine was always the quiet and studious one who preferred books to adventures. It counterbalances Harry, whom loves the thrill afforded him on a broom and Quiddich field.
((Feeling her muscles relax as he continued to comfort her, Hermione looked up into the magnificent green eyes of the man who held her. They were friends. They'd been friends for a little over three and a half years. The beat of her heart told her she wanted something a little more. Raising her head slowly, she leveled her eyes with his. Almost instinctively, her arms found themselves behind his neck as she leaned forward and brushed her lips against his, tasting, for the first time, the sweetness of his delicate lips.))-beautiful imagery. Very poignant description of a first kiss I feel.
(("I love flying," she whispered, and kissed him again.))-perfect ending. I always thought Harry and Hermione shoulda been paired up, but Rowling thought differently obviously (and it is her story). I love that you went that way here, even if in a later story you reverted back to what Rowling wrote :)
A couple things I wanted to point out that needed some minor editing:
((They revised their))- Did you mean reviewed here by chance? The line is good but for my confusion on whether or not you meant reviewed or revised.
((feeling a been mind-numbed))- I am guessing you meant bit here. So can relate to that. Remember the mindless hours I kept my nose stuck in a textbook in preparation for exams.
((despite slow rise of full))- just needs a 'the' here :)
And that is it. This story is beautiful and I greatly enjoyed reading it. Awesome job!
| SunnyStorms chapter 1 . 7/9/2013
I loved the humor and wit in your turn of phrases. Like these ones:
-/the orchestral phenomenon that was the snoring of Ronald Weasley/
-/Slamming her eyes shut as her only defense against screaming her lungs out/
-and including the section where Hermione is captivated by the night sky and then screams in the next line. Definitely got a chuckle out of me.
You also have great flow to your writing. It's all very fluid from one line to the next, and I thought Hermione's characterization was very well done. I enjoyed reading her a lot in this. Harry though I have to admit, I found to deviate from what we know of him in canon from his focus on studying to his mannerism of speech. I don't think he was so suave in the books XD, but that might just be me. Nonetheless I enjoyed reading the piece.
| infiniteworld8 chapter 1 . 7/8/2013
I liked the scene. Harry seemed a bit OOC , probably because he never seemed much like he would be too worried about his grades, at least not like Hermione. I can definitely see Hermione as being afraid of flying after all being muggle-born she never had exposure to flying until Hogwarts.
Harry and Hermione together takes some getting used to for me, but they still seem to fit more than her and Ron. This was a little different Harry, but that's okay because it still seemed like him and yet... not.
I think this fic could use a little more background and length but overall good job!
| ReadingBlueWolf chapter 1 . 7/8/2013
This is a really nice opening. I love that Harry and Hermione are together studying. It’s funny how Ron is sleeping. I thought you captured that quite well. The phrase “drain the words from the pages” was really lovely. I love that Hermione is watching Harry and the imagery of dashing against the stars and dancing is really nice. It’s sweet to see how Harry makes her happy when he’s himself. I like how gently Harry coaxes her into flying. It sort of reminds me of Aladdin in a way where Jasmine and Aladdin are on the broom. It’s really touching. I am always one for Harry/Hermione and I’m really glad it went there! Great job!
| darkaccalia520 chapter 1 . 7/7/2013
I always thought these two should have been together. It might be an older piece, but it's a very GOOD piece. I really loved how you observed Hermione's fear of flying. I've never read the books, though I've seen all the movies. But I'm guessing that JK never featured much broom flying for Hermione...and I never really considered it until it was mentioned in this story. I really love how it just seemed like a very natural fear for her to have, especially her being Muggle. Makes sense that perhaps her normal human side might have an inhibition there. So when Harry asked her to take a break as well by taking a ride with him, I loved how he asked her to do it for him. How sweet. And the actual ride was lovely, and I love how thoughtful Harry was to do his best to assure her that everything would be okay and that he wouldn't let her fall. And the kiss was lovely. Really enjoyed this piece. Well done. :)
| Great Angemon chapter 1 . 7/7/2013
Having had a thing for Harry/Hermione in the first few books, I have to say, I really enjoyed this. It's very well written and very touching.
"and enjoyed the orchestral phenomenon that was the snoring of Ronald Weasley". _dies laughing_ This is just hilarious.
I also enjoyed your description of the flight. You make it seem like the reader is there with them, on the broom.
This was a very good story. Kudos.
| Edhla chapter 1 . 7/4/2013
I did enjoy this :-) Sweet and nicely written without being soppy, and something I found plausible. I particularly liked the odd bits of humour, particularly the aside about the twelfth night and Ron's 'orchestral phenomenon.' :-) For concrit, I did notice some issues with punctuation, particularly around dialogue- dialogue tags need a comma rather than a period :-) I think with a bit of tightening this would be excellent stuff :-)
| midnightdragonmoon chapter 1 . 5/18/2013
This is really cute! You captured the mood really well. The description is really detailed and lovely.
| CheddarTrek chapter 1 . 8/28/2012
I always thought that Hermione might come to enjoy flying (who wouldn't?) if only someone had been more patient with her. Nice.
| alix33 chapter 1 . 3/26/2012
| sappy3 chapter 1 . 1/12/2012
Quite enchanting. You really managed to capture the feeling of a white night. The part where Harry craves to share something he loves with someone close to him was also spot on.
Hermione's last sentence didn't really jive with me. I'd imagine her saying something like "I love flying with you." instead.
| Esther Huffleclaw chapter 1 . 3/11/2011
This is beautiful. And I really don't like the Harry/Hermione pairing. But you've done an excellent job of writing this, and I actually really enjoyed reading it. :)