Reviews for You'll Find Better Love
Fan Fan Girl chapter 1 . 10/21/2007
That was a nifty story... For some reason, I never read Lyn/Kent fics except for the ones where unrequited love is involved.


Oh, I was thinking. Your characterization of Kent was pretty good, but I'm still trying to imagine him going "sheknowssheknowssheknows" and somehow can't... Not to say that he's OOC, but... other than that incident, he's feelings were IC. Yay.

What's up with the warhorse sutff at the end? That was cool.
Vestrwald chapter 1 . 10/18/2007
A most well written tale this is. Your picture of Kent is quite enjoyable and Lyndis is understandable shy given the situation. I would think she would be more aggressive in her dealing with him (taking him out for a walk or horse ride as they spoke as opposed to a few quick words in the barracks which you employed here); I would suggest, if you wanted to keep the scene unchanged, you would add detail concerning Lyndis's preparations for her leaving, namely her dealing with the castle staff and the possessions of her family. If we saw how busy she was with those tasks, it would be understandable why she could not afford to give more time to her loyal liegeman.

In terms of grammar, you need to work on your comma placement. Commas are only needed when compounding clauses, separating parts of sentences out, or when listing information. You tend to have commas plastered all over a sentence with, what seems to me, to be no sense of their usage. For example, you have one sentence go: "The trampled remnants [of his heart] were in his barracks, at the Castle Caelin, where he, too sat." That last comma is unneeded. It should read "...where he too sat." In this kind of sentence, in which you are providing extra information in between two commas, the sentence should be readable without the commas or the information in between them. That is not the case in the sentence you provided. I would suggest reading a pop grammar book if you want to learn about correct comma placements and other such punctuation rules.

Still, it was an enjoyable read and I look forward to see what else you weave in the future.
IceBlade28 chapter 1 . 10/18/2007
It brought a little lump to my throat when I read this. The friendship/comfort idea between Lyndis and Kent isn't a dynamic you see that often; most authors will write Kent into trying to stand for his love and take Lyndis for his own, as awkward as it would be for him, but you took the different road. I'm impressed. The angle here, the tension, it was good. I'm not sure if the point with Lyndis and Sain was a flashback, or if you italicised it to put forward the point that Sain was a very minor character in this fic- whatever it was, it came off well.

I quite like this, and I can't find any major flaw. My compliments, and I look forward to more fics from you. 8.7/10
Maxmagnus20019 chapter 1 . 10/17/2007
I liked this story, it was nice.

This is scenario I could likely imagine, because Kent being Kent would have trouble admitting his feelings for Lyn.

Good job!