|Reviews for The Denarian Knight|
| PaC chapter 34 . 2/4
Another comment never got around to making.
With the whole "evil fallen" "demons" theme.
I thought it sort of a shame or odd, that Harry never mentions, even at times his Meciel is being "demonized", like before he's kicked out of the Amanda's house to end up captured and is trading insults and sniping about God and the fallen with the kids. WHY Harry NEVER mentions to ANYONE, that his Denarian he hosts, WHY she was cast into wherever, Gods coin press or however the fallen angels were coin-on-ized, where they were cast out, fell.
It does make a nice retort, she wouldn't murder children as "ordered" by God.
Though why, soft spot for children maybe? But still a bit bloodthirsty nasty? Which begs the question, were these fallen, uber arch-angels, sadistic "hit-angels" of God's, as viscous and bloodthirsty BEFORE they "fell" than after they fell and as they are now ?
| PaC chapter 34 . 2/4
If that is Voldy at the end, a bit disappointing, and it seems a bit contrary to the earlier "rules" or supposed behaviour of your , or at least what your story characters say about the caveats about interaction with fae alongside with basic fae traits.
So Maeve is betrayed and attacked with Voldy and Vesper and other fallen trying to destroy her. She OWES a HUGE DEBT [her life even considering those BIG giant iron armor attack "things", it seems owing her life even ...maybe, to Harry. And Harry didn't accept the "kiss" as his "reward. So shouldn't that equal HUGE DEBT?
Either the keeping their word and paying a debt shit is crap, utter shit, bogus, or something seems pretty wrong here. She OWES this HUGE debt to Harry, but now is going to conspire with Voldemort against Harry?
Othert han like crack fics, "accepting" the illogic of parts of stories, I'd only excuse it as not being hard to swallow if it was dumped in as a semi-crack plot device, we must accept, for the purpose of Amaris deciding her own debt should be honored and so we get Amaris betraying her mother now helping Voldy and her mother fails, and Amaris becomes the new Winter Queen, not going along with such a huge betrayal of her father Harry, considering the BIG debt they owe him.
REALLY weird to what, "forgive and forget" Voldy's involvement in the betrayal and recent attack on the Winter Palace and all that?
Now, the first of this trilogy I'd have liked a bit more I the somewhat sociopath and evil meter were not so high for the Harry character. The constant bitchy rude asshole Harry got a bit much. I'd have preferred his rude shitty smart mouth insults were more reserved for the truly deserving. Though many fanfic Hard-on of hate for Hermione readers, maybe had fun with Hermione being Harry's foil so much. But in some ways, she was a better version than canon, MORE BACKBONE, the SOLE student who tended to not take shit from Harry so much. Objectively, with what she didn't know, with how Harry behaved, Hermione was actually often times, behaving in a rather acceptable manner, if the reader doesn't rally round the main character protagonist, Harry.
In a way, Hermione irritating as she was, showed a backbone, acted Gryffindor, noble almost. Ignorance about why Harry was the way he was, didn't excuse him to have everyone, like Amanda put up with taking shit from him 24x7.
So whether the author meant to bash or not, I didn't' find it bashing, but not bad use of canon characters not getting very OC. Hermione in the first and second of the series acting in a manner one could imagine a canon Hermione act, being outraged, standing up, AND thinking Amanda was abused, as it did "fit" her taking so much shit from Harry. Others gave Harry a wide birth, Amanda acted like a friend, Hermione acting as she did was not bad for how one could imagine her charcter acting, thinking, concluding Amanda being abused made sense for how Amanda could be friendly to someone who treated her so badly. I even got sick of it, Amanda putting up with TOO MUCH, making her pretty pathetic in doing that, regardless of the life saving of her and her family, Harry's crap and shit and insults was IMO, TOO MUCH... too constant.. Interesting Harry encourages his daughter to be less subservient and insult him back, but never did he do that or say something like that to Amanda.
It ends up, putting up with it, similar to the ONE time Harry tells his daughter to not be so meek, or apologetic or put up with his crap so much. But there is NOT even a hint, he is put off by Amanda not doing something similar, finding Amanda weak and unappealing in part, because she doesn't call him out enough on his crap, puts up with Harry being such an ass, insulting her CONSTANTLY. If it was suppose to be banter in regards to Amanda and not nasty insults, I "missed it", didn't take it that way.
I didn't comment, but the last fic, the Merman slaughter of the second task, was a bit too evil IMO.
An alternative plot gag, to how much slaughter was in that part of the first of these fics I'd have preferred, as well as Harry's bitching and insulting nasty behaviour being toned down thirty or so percent, Harry being an utter shit to SOME, but not to everyone 24x7, or at least not reading as many incidents of that.
For a bloodlust pretty sociopathic evil Harry and Meciel, instead of so much slaugher of mermen and merwomen, it would have been nice to tone that down, and instead, let it be Ubridge not escaping with going unconscious for Harry not to torture her more.
Maybe there is an OMAKE coming, with what Harry's daughter did to "clean up". She's been around to see how Umbitch got away with treating her father, so one might think that at least she didn't let Umbridge die too quickly. Yeah, "merwomen", wouldn't mermaids be virgins merwomen?
Considering silent spell casting is canon sixth year material, like MANY fics, maybe to make it easier to write, but not everyone constantly shouting out the spells. Lots of small stuff like that. Some diction weakness in adverbs and adjectives, often it seems, during battles, this fic and others might be taken up some notches to do that, more silent spell casting by the more capable mages.. A fondness for "zoom", "boom" and some other words, is a nitpick with such HUGE output and competed fics that are damn nice AU fics.
I could have nitpicked on lots of stuff here and there. But if DLP "helpers" didn't bother, then why me, and this is a few years late to be working on edits. So that and the SPaGs still left, I haven't bother making a list. And coming late to these fics, there was NO long wait, reading apologies in author notes, about how long since updated. Really compared to so many slow updated LONG haitus to abandoned for years at a time fics, this and the last fic were put out pretty damn fast with the word count and time stamps for starting and completing them.
I can type out massive pages, hundreds in a week, but it would lack much plot, be mostly minute by minute real time, bloated text filled mostly conversations, or smut, lacking plot, free of much fascinating plot for sure, that make it interesting at all, captivating for a reader to want to continue reading.
The quality of the two fics are damn brilliant overall. I thought the writing improved in this one about around the last trip to NeverNever with the big battle and attack on the Winter Queen, though it was confusing there somewhere, seeming to imply Maeve was the daughter or was the nest inline to whoever the current queen was, most places it seemed like she was the Winter Queen.
On purpose or not, from Amaris on, the fic had me laughing A LOT with many of asshole Harry's lines. IMO, the author's overall writing seemed to rise up a few notches in quality around then and through the end, when Amaris was introduced through the end of the fic. Inspiration or just perhaps with the practice, the writer was getting better at writing IMO, or the fic from then on being better./
| PaC chapter 31 . 2/4
Yep, "just subdued", and not only left him uninjured really, but left his wand there, or at least that WAS the impression from the description, Ron helps Amanda on their way, being the action right after Amanda temporarily incapacitates the death eater unless that spell, the reader is to recall among dozens, and know it will keep the DE out of action for a day. Sure, we don't expect them too squeamish to kill the DE, but leaving him with his wand?
| PaC chapter 32 . 2/4
"Better than crack " I found to be OC considering Harry's previous slurs about drug addicts and drugs.
I skimmed but won't re-read for the lines. But there are a few, Harry's sexual comments about having sex with Vesper, seem "WRONG"
when seeing Vesper he KNOWS it's all glamours and how hideous the true condition and appearance of her body actually is. So insults should not I think be about screwing her, but poking about NOT poking her, and instead, some insults about her glamours, like how false it all is, since a glamour to just be ugly and not disgusting would be less "of a lie" than the huge lie, of her glamoring up to appear beautiful... ecetera.
"force behind his descent": physics nazi says, MOMENTUM and/or kinetic energy, not "force". The FORCE was the constant force of gravity, or near freefall as speeds wouldn't get very high to make wind resistance have much drag before impact. In freefall, you feel weightless, as until wind drag matters much, you "FALL", freefall, under the acceleration of gravity. Hence canon , with the "arresto momentum" of Harry falling off his broom and Dumbles saving his fall. So maybe you'd want here, a blah blah momentum and kinetic energy transfer spell, as that would make more sense. To convert the "force behind his descent", IMO, that doesn't "work well", as converting that force, gravity times his mass, would mean the force is not there to make him fall faster and faster if that force is being converted away, to some magical "thingie", under the acceleration of gravity. Momentum squared divided by twice the mass of Harry, gives you kinetic energy, take that and mass times speed, for the momentum, you have your two "things" to convert, momentum and energy.
The shitty Snape for the fics is spectacular for what a complete sadistic petty bully he is. Shame Harry never found out that Snape told Voldy about the prophesy, that Snape could transfer his James hate to Harry, with that he did, and that "former" or "current" deatheater, it gives Harry another BIG reason to seek revenge on Snape, he's bad enough in this fic to equal Umbitch really, in deserving some retribution in spades, and then some./
| Guest chapter 30 . 2/4
"more than happey to slap you across the face"
Earlier a crack about lowering her robe to show her breasts in another crack
Perhaps the crack about "happy to slap your face, change "face" to "cheeks", then Harry can make a crack that isn't about breasts, some crack about happy to slap her cheeks, but he'd prefer to slap her other cheeks, "bare bottom cheeks", with a good spanking.
Or add after that quip, something about being so foolish to fall into a trap, not contact Neville's Gran to check first, that after they escape this mess, a good bare bottom spanking is what Amanda deserves, plus it will be a nice thankyou for Harry, entertaining Harry. Surely the view a bare bottom during a spanking, between the spanked cheeks and what's just between and at the base there of the lower cheeks, would be as entertaining as bared breasts for horny Harry.
| PaC chapter 28 . 2/4
"fallen "WOMAN" "?
Sort of sounds like prostitute or something...perhaps a change in word choices there is in order?
| PaC chapter 24 . 2/3
Neville and Umbitch "quill", thought you renamed fancied up the fanfic terminology for "blood quill".
Plus hinted in past chapter strong HINT Amanda with "hand problem" after detention AND Umbitch having thoughts about torturing Amanda with her quill. AND I THINK remarks about Umbitch got some new decree so she can get away with her nasty detentions, was maybe also implied.
So Harry was DUMB to miss the quill use already happening with Amanda many chapters back, or a likely continuity error I would think.
| PaC chapter 23 . 2/3
This chapter has some of the most humorous lines than I think any chapters of the pre-quel or this sequel.
The Amaris character is "fucking" brilliant.
I kept picturing some young attractive girl acting like a cross between the young Adams Family girl, crossed with maybe a "child version of a borg" or cyborg or Star Trek Vulcan[a genius child Vulcan, total emotional control, monotone whispering voice]., super intelligent, and sort of creepy in that horror film sort of way.
Effing brilliant chapter. Irresponsible childish brat Harry was IN character. Even though I think I'd like the prej-quel and this fic better if Harry maybe had about a 35% reduction of his constant being a total asshole, to EVERYONE 24x7, instead of, you know, save that for those most deserving being treated that way. But this is sort of sweet, in so many ways, a "forced growing up maturity" or maybe NOT with this Harry not handling it well.
But considering the Harry character, it's NOT OC for how Harry behaves at all in this chapter.
BTW, loved host Harry bitch slapping himself, too funny.
| PaC chapter 9 . 2/3
?Continuity or white council immune from naughty crimes.
If summoning demons was a crime, how about that Molly being so naughty summoning a demon, in front of a classroom of students no less?
| Son of the morning chapter 28 . 12/20/2015
When did he become dr wizard Harry Perceval cox?
| Cynical0range chapter 7 . 12/12/2015
just what is up with voldemort? he is no longer a dark avatar and yet he is still ridiculously overpowered? harry and the knights have the support of outside forces so them i can understand, but voldemort is just irritatingly powerful for a wand wizard. the things he did in the duel such as batting away vicious curses with his bare hands...seriously. he should be insane and weak due to splitting his soul so many times. unless he hasn't made horcruxes in this AU?
btw, i meant to comment on this a few chapters back - what happened to harry's inheritance from his parents? the potter family are old money and should have a left behind a sizable fortune. harry shouldn't have to rob banks or take up mercenary jobs. this brings me to another point - dumbledore never gave harry back his invisibility cloak; does this mean the deathly hallows won't play a role in this story?
| davidhale1302 chapter 1 . 11/15/2015
Now THAT is a way to start a story!
| OriksGaming chapter 34 . 10/14/2015
Welp, I hadn't realized Amaris was in on Maeve's plans. And Maeve must have struck some deal with Fawkes to make sure the phoenix didn't ruin her brilliant acting. Honestly, you love cliffhangers way too much. Great story anyways!
| Goodpie2 chapter 13 . 10/11/2015
As much as I love this fic, I was completely unable to bring myself to read this chapter. It was just such an obviously stupid idea, and it was so monstrously painful to read.
| Fainfan chapter 34 . 10/5/2015
Up to now I'm still unsure whose that. Is that baldiewart?