|Reviews for Shinji and Asuka|
| CrazyKidDeath chapter 19 . 2/10/2008
Shijni faked his own death, im honestly suprised that Asuka didnt out right murder him after that lol, cool couple of chapters
| OtakuTeen chapter 19 . 2/9/2008
I really liked the plot and never would have guessed he would live.
| Darknemo2000 chapter 19 . 2/5/2008
Nicely done chapter.
Better than your last one, thats for sure. The description in most cases were not lacking, though there were a few scenes where I thought that more description points would be needed (not by much as there were not such big "description gaps" as in your last chapter). But mostly it is my personal opinion rather some major flaws.
As for the plot. You played well the "fake death", it really picked up the originality level of this fic specially since the reader could never expect you to use something so fast when the last plan by Shinji failed so badly.
And no, you didnt trick me into believing that sex scene is about to come. Why? Well one thing I figured you would be more careful after my constant jabs about how badly written those particular parts of your fic is, secondary I doubt you would spoil one of major turn points so soon.
Mainly, that Asuka is not a virgin (which she believes she is) and this would naturally reveal her true relationship with Shinji and also the fight just before her loss of memory.
A few comments before that reminded me about few points taht i missed about your first few chapters. Mostly the rape scene wasn't angsty or dark enough to really count as one. Technically it was still a rape, but if you wanted to really look like it you should have worked bit harder on that scene to make it darker. Like Asuka fighting bit harder or Shinji being much more emotion driven.
Since now the whole rape scene looked more like Asuka didnt really care or actually didn't mind Shinji doing all that, and since after these few chapters you captured Asuka pretty well showing how free and hard to subdue she can be, this particular part pf first chapter seems way too off. Besides, though you made as if Shinji snapped it lacked the emotions like anger. It felt more like Shinji said one sentence about snapping and then acted as if he had it all planned before. And I do not believe you wanted to make Shinji planning raping so calmly so i would suggest you to re-look this part of the first chapter as well.
But the worst part (if we were not to count sex scenes, but I already told you many times how "great" those look, so i wont be repeating myself here) was Asuka's - "I am not worthy of him". It looked like taken from a REALLY bad Waffy A/S fic where Asuka considers shinji to be great while herself to be a total bitch. its true that Asuka hates herself, but it is also true that she counts Shinji's kindness as just another fake meanings to get praise and attention (which is partially true) and thus hates him for that. Its not Shinji's kindness that attracts her (actually his "kindness" is one of major things she hates about him) but other things.
She would never put herself below Shinji, not at this point, so again I would advice to delete that particular line completely it looks way too OOC to Asuka, that otherwise you managed to capture perfectly.
I again, repeat, that Asuka's character is what makes me like this fic so much. aside those flaws in first few chapters she looks very well and very strong without going too mellow that happens often in other fics. Thats one of the best points of your fic.
Shinji is OOC, well at least in the beginning, later he started to soften up, reminding of original Shinji more, but never completely. Still, Asuka, not Shinji is the best character of your fic anyway.
But again, after reading first few chapters you can see how well you progressed. Actually after reading the first chapter I almost stopped reading the fic completely, as I found it to be really bad, luckily I eventually read more and saw that you do improve rather than standing still like some authors do.
The latest chapter seems to prove mys statement.
Oh well, best luck, and hopefully will see more of you soon.
| patleon909 chapter 19 . 2/4/2008
OMG. Geez, I really thought you had killed Shinji back there, I mean, it was SO CONVINCING! But the pack of fake blood and the blanks were GENIUS, pure genius. And I like that the fact that they were able to go on a regular teen date.
BTW, you're not seriously going to make Shinji sing in front of his school in his underwear, are you? That would be funny, but I feel sorry for him . Anyways, keep up the 10 out of 10 work and I look forward to next weeks update.
I like the consistency of your updates. It's always posted every Monday. And since I can't read it in my computer class anymore, it gives me something to look forward to when I get home. Anyways, I'll look forward to next week. Bye!
| strangercode777 chapter 19 . 2/4/2008
whoa .. nc plot .. nc scenes .. nc chapters .. nc fic to sum it all up .. yeah boy ! keep it up ..
| colocho06 chapter 19 . 2/3/2008
gotta say I really enjoyed this chapter. But some questions...will asuka ever find out about the past, she must beleive she's still a virgin right? Well I guess you'll make it real interesting. Keep up the good work
| kai akamatsu chapter 19 . 2/2/2008
Hello. I have been reading your story, all from beggining to the end this past days. This is my very first comment, so I hope I make it worth it, or at least that I make you happy by having another reader :P.
Anyways, I have seen your progress all trough the story, and I really got to say you got a lot better.
There are still some major mistakes here and there, most of them at the first chapters.
Im not talking about OOC, but those little actions that actually lack of common sense. I bet many other people have told you this already, but, hey, you have made some mistakes.
Also, Im sorry if my writing is wrong, since I actually am not native speaker, and it may have made me misunderstand a couple of things.
Well, that's it for now. Btw, has your birthday already come? If so, happy birthday :P.
| megashadow13 chapter 19 . 2/2/2008
dude...i can just express my self with one word...AMAZING! man! i must tell you, you got somo serious skill at writing! i love your story! i admire your idea of how you broke em up to get them together again! simply plausible! most of all i envy you honestly, you captured perfectly the sole essence of the ShinjixAsuka relationship, i can perfectly picture this happening in the series or the new movies if it does! youre a master writer to say the least! great job! ill be waiting for ch 20! (o and cmon! wheres da love? XD yea you know wat i mean!XD lol)
| Sol42 chapter 19 . 2/1/2008
great chap, pls update soon...i'm tired.
u know wat's next
( \_/ )
('.') make the bunny happy!
| Asuka Ikari chapter 19 . 1/31/2008
You are a genius, clap clap clap :P Update soon
and Yeah Asuka not see occ, i love the react and x_x Yup you got me i wanna see Hm you know XD
| waterxeno chapter 18 . 1/31/2008
oh my god! no!there'snowayshinji'sgonnadie in this chapter!
| Itansha chapter 19 . 1/31/2008
A curious point: How could Shini fulfill that promise when NERV got attack probably the next day?
In any case, I think most of us expected that Shinji was actually trying to kill himself instead of yet another plan, since we would expect that Shinji would not try another dumbhead scheme when the first one fail – I certainly wouldn't. The fact that Shinji have to resort to this kind of scheme again made it a bit cheesy in a way. Though I really have to praise that drama... fooled all the readers, based on the reviews. In fact, I personally found that writing suicide scenes is very difficult.
Another aspect that I enjoy is the way you make Asuka to be: still the bitchy... bitch, even though she finally admits she love Shinji and willing to marry him; the way she treats him does match the anime canon, more or less.
| iamjustanotherguy chapter 19 . 1/31/2008
i don't have the words in my personal vocabulary to describe this greatness. i just love this story. its awesome. and well yes i did think you'd make them have sex on the first night. but thats my own stupidity, or something. and i have to applaud you. -gets up and starts clapping- thank you for this. -my army of bunnies stand and start clapping- we all thank you. -pull a device that says fireworks and presses the button-
oops i think i labeled the detonators wrong. -grabs the other device that says kill the bunnies and presses the button-
-insert sounds of fireworks here-
THIS IS AWESOME.
CAN'T WAIT TILL THE NEXT CHAPTER.
UM LOOK ITS A FLYING CAT-BIRD-MAN-GOAT!
-justanotherguyathiscomputer 4 president
-vote justanotherguyathiscomputer/ The Bunny '08
( \_/ )
The Bunny is mad because i killed his clones.
well i dealt with him didn't i? damn now i have to get another bunny clone. wait i killed them all. damn. [_
| KaiserZr chapter 19 . 1/31/2008
I like this plot twist a lot better than the last one. I hope there is more, even though you could end the story here. Keep up the good work, I am pretty sure you have some more great ideas to keep this story going.
| Azure chapter 18 . 1/30/2008
I commend the development. It was really elaboratively expressive. I just that the line "to love is not loving someone perfect, but loving someone imperfect, perfectly…" is kind of clicheic, not that it's bad. Though you could rephrase it too sound much better when read. I do hope the next chapter comes out soon.