|Reviews for Unsealed With a Kiss|
| the grey mage chapter 2 . 6/29/2010
continuation? its almost been three years.
| the grene kni3t chapter 2 . 3/19/2009
I love the style of this fic. You've written the action and dialogue in a way that's very faithful to the tone of the show-it's easy to picture this fic as an episode. I think that's an important part of what makes good fanfiction.
| fireand'chutes777 chapter 2 . 11/26/2007
"...Then she lifted her right hand slightly and flicked her index finger outward, causing a needle-thin five inch blade to spring from nowhere in particular, as if it had been hidden beneath her fingernail. ...a subtle crook of Yori’s finger caused the weapon to vanish as quickly as it had appeared."
Okay, I'm confused. Is the blade built into her body (Yori's a cyborg?), or are you following the tradition that ninjas can store their gear anywhere they damn well please, just as long as it looks utterly badical when they finally use it? :P
I love all your inventive names for the stores - "New Marine" (Old Navy), "The Wedge" (The Gap), and Atlantic Moon (Pacific Sun?) were excellent.
However, I don't follow my sister around shopping that much, so I'm somewhat stymied at naming the real-life counterparts of Imperial Mango, Flaming Gossip, Hint! and Five East.
"Ron’s brain, however, had registered the words swimming suits and stalled."
That's m' boy! XD
| Lady Rhetorica chapter 2 . 11/5/2007
Poor Ron-what's a guy to do when his two rival girl friends also happen to be lethal weapons? There's a balancing act for ya worthy of Barnum & Bailey!
I like how the tone of the story and the developing plot appear (so far) to be consistent with the cartoon series (quirky and at times tongue-in-cheek silly). I also like the double meanings implied in Kim's exchanges with Yori and Ron. For example: [“I see,” said Kim. “Only please tell me you haven’t been relying on Stoppable-san here for fashion advice.” The slam to his fashion sense didn’t faze Ron – he could tell Kim was at best half-serious – but there was a note in her voice that sounded faintly ominous.]
Good stuff. The verbal subtlety is appreciated, as is the clean draft (no distracting problems with writing mechanics, spelling, grammar).
Look forward to the next installment of chapters.
| NMR68 chapter 2 . 11/5/2007
I'm digging it.
Your character development is interesting and you are wise to keep the tension building while the pace simmers.
I am a little unclear as to exactly what the situation is between Ron and Kim but I get the feeling that "vague" was what you were looking for there. That grey area will be fun for you to play in while developing this little triangle.
I liked the unique Yori back story. It would be nice to hear more on that. I have struggled with her background myself in stories and am planning on diving into it more in an upcoming story; so it's cool to see how you're handling her shadowy past.
Overall this certainly has the markings of an awesome story; I will definatley be keeping an eye on this one.
| Archaon chapter 2 . 11/5/2007
Nice! Talk about being between a rock and a hard place. An extra player might disrupt Team Possible's mode of operation. Remember Will Du? Also, Ron is usually much more active battlewise when around Yori. I expect MMP rOndomness.
The real question is, how much chocolate will remain uneaten by the story's end...
| Iffert's Flame chapter 2 . 11/5/2007
Oh this is going to be good I can tell. Poor Ron. He's got to deal with two femme fatales. Poor Yori. She might have just been a tad too late to capture Ron-san's heart. Poor Kim... err... poor Ron again. I don't know what a broken hearted Kim would do, but I'm sure it would involve some time in the hospital.
| King in Yellow chapter 2 . 11/5/2007
It appears that Yori is being stereotypically inscrutable with Kim. On the other hand, she seems decidedly scrutable in regard to Ron.
| Yankee Bard chapter 1 . 10/29/2007
I'm sure Yori will give Kim a run for her money. But then, nothing good should come easy. I can't see the Stoppables leaving a guest in the tree house when they have a perfectly good guest room. Should be fun watching this play out. Kim does the jell so well.
| Limby chapter 1 . 10/29/2007
Very good starting chapter! I'm already hooked, and anxiously awaiting the next chapter. Keep up the good work!
| mkusenagi2 chapter 1 . 10/29/2007
I like this. It looks very promising.
| King in Yellow chapter 1 . 10/29/2007
Ron is a hero in Japan and doesn't even realize it! In mercy's name tell me, has he such a thing as a lightning scar on his forehead? Sorry started to channel Cox and Box and something else there.
I thought you had Ron down wonderfully in terms of character. In terms of where this might be going Ron might be down wonderfully in other ways as well.