Reviews for Time to Spare: Alternate Beginning
Featherbird chapter 1 . 11/16/2007
I really like the Time to Spare story. But I don't think that this is a good beginning for it. The Hogwarts part made sense - it was easy to see why all the characters were where they were and you didn't have to deal with the logistical improbabilities of bringing people together. Plus, you'd have to get the kids from Surrey to Hogwarts in time to set up their identities before the school year started.

I'm so glad to see that you're continuing to think&work on this story!
Kayrana chapter 1 . 11/10/2007
I think I like the origina one better. Though after re-reading both beginnings, I'd like to point out that Lucius fell to his knees twice. _;;

'The blond aristocrat fell to his knees. (then) "Draco?" Lucius gasped, falling to his knees.'

So keep the first one in my opinion, just make sure Lucius doesn't fall to his knees when he has already fallen. xP
raion chapter 1 . 11/7/2007
I like it! It indeed fitts the books better, good job.
The Wigmonsters chapter 1 . 11/5/2007
It was pretty good. Not sure which one I like better, not really sure it matters.
AllyKat chapter 1 . 11/4/2007
Personally I like the original opening better. It just doesn't make much sense to me that Draco would be at Number 4. I don't think there was any need for you to change the opening anyway, since everything worked really well in the original.
I-want-to-fly chapter 1 . 11/4/2007
Interesting beginning. Seems to make a bit more sense than the original one, although I'm not sure which one I prefer. It still fit into the story though. I'm impressed that you managed to do that. : )
maritinkerbell chapter 1 . 11/4/2007
I like this version, but I don't think it was really necessary. The story is amazing as it is! Now, go UPDATE IT!
Aldavinur chapter 1 . 11/2/2007
Well, you know, I think this alternate beginning might just be better than the original one. I mean, both are great, really, but this one seems to make a bit more sense simply because it already takes in more of the later chapters. I really liked it.

But I'm curious what Harry's Forgetful-Charm did! Oh, it's really strange calling Aries Harry again. Somehow I liked Aries better :-)

Greetings

Aldavinur
Avaria chapter 1 . 11/2/2007
While I like this opening, I don't think it's believable and I'd stick with the Hogwarts opening.

It is far more realistic to see Malfoy seek onto Hogwarts grounds than to sneak off to a Muggle area that he is not familiar with at all. Also, having it at Privet Drive essentially means Ron and Hermione should not have been present.

At Hogwarts, Ron and Hermione would have been there because they're in school at the time. During the summer, I doubt the Weasley's would have let Ron and Hermione go with Order members to Harry's house, regardless of the circumstances because they aren't of age and are two more people the Order has to watch out for.

I think I'm the only negative in replacing the current opening with this one, but they're both well written and neither impact the plot as it stands.

~

Avaria
Leeef chapter 1 . 11/2/2007
I think I like this prologue better, but after Voldy disappears it gets a bit confusing, with mentions of the castle but no break or mention of how they got there.
Hekate101 chapter 1 . 11/1/2007
Terrific. Besides the "by they’re reckoning" bit, which should be "by /their/ reckoning", of course. By the way, if you're ever looking for a beta, I'm more than willing. But, yes. Really terrific. There might be something that doesn't fit properly, but I haven't seen it yet. Quite good, and [please] keep it up!
Hahukum Konn chapter 1 . 11/1/2007
You know, I felt this to be a bit more well-polished than your other introduction, but that can be fixed with some tweaking. Honestly, I think either version works.
Prospera3 chapter 1 . 11/1/2007
Seems like a good beginning. Are you going to change parts of the rest or just the beginning?

I don't know if it's better or not...the fact that harry was on a swing not flying makes more sense since it's summer.

This little part is one I really like that isn't in the Alternate beginning:

""So you're saying that my most faithful follower, my most devout servant, the only person I trusted with access to my personal library, is Harry Potter?" Voldemort laughed. "What would your dear parents think of you now, my jinx-smith?"

"They would be proud as can be, Riddle," Harry sneered. "You forget, thanks to you, I got the chance to know them. Oh, and it might be worth mentioning that I'm not the only one you sent back. A disloyal young Slytherin got here a little early. Say hello to your son, Lucius.”"

K Bree

PS Thanks for letting me know about the story, it made me go back to the beginning and reminded me of some facts that I had forgotten.
Luinlothana chapter 1 . 11/1/2007
Good work but I honestly don't know which option is better. Some elements are better in this version - like the initial scene with Harry and Draco and the fact that the latter would probably be a bit wary when it came to coming so close to Hogwarts after what he did - others made more sense previously - why would McGonagall choose only Ron and Hermione to come with her? Harry and Draco had no idea how the situation was resolved after they left so they wouldn't know it was already safe by the time she arrived - therefore Aries couldn't have, in good conscience, suggested that in his note even if he did, in fact spill everything to McGonagall. I do like the idea that you haven't decided to follow DH - at least the part about minister enabling Harry to have extra lessons seems to suggest that. It's also good to see that Harry will be at least packed and prepared better for what awaits him in the past. On other note I do miss Voldemort's words about time to spare, that I always felt gave a nice connection with the title of the story. All in all - both versions are good but I honestly can't point which one is better. I'm glad you followed the sugestion about sending this as a separete story and let us read it though. Thanks!
Akasha Sorvolo Riddle chapter 1 . 11/1/2007
Well, I've read both beginnings and i think this one is easier to imagin, more realistic. Both are great, but this one is better. your story is fantastic, anyway. update soon! ;)

just one thing, i have to agree with jenny.s89. "Or perhaps you are more used to the names Hesuchazo and Higgins.” How did McGonagall recognize them when they had removed their glamours?
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