|Reviews for Eye of the Storm|
| Measured chapter 2 . 8/14/2008
E I really love Valda's sort of amused disinterest in Richard, but obviously she's very interested when it counts. The writing of the battle, and especially the magic was utterly superb. I actually think the Beast sector was a nice inclusion, at least as far as I've read. Somehow the act of fighting just to prove a point sounds very Beast-man like.
Other than that, Richard and Valda are shaping to be a very interesting couple Looking forward to the next part...
| Measured chapter 1 . 8/3/2008
This is an interesting beginning I like the take on Valda. Controlled, yet deep down as very unsure, and very young girl. There was parallels to Duran/Angela,but they were slight and in itself this is very much its own story
minorminor crit: and now they attackus.
| Osidiano chapter 15 . 4/4/2008
An interesting take on their skirmishes with the Dragon Emperor! I was delighted to see that Valda was her own women, and not just another Angela clone. There were certain parts of the story that really struck me as odd (the few times you curse in narrative, for example, was jarring, to say the least), but over all, I really liked it. Of course, I'm not sure that I agree with your timeline, but that was one of the things that made the story so captivating. I know that this is the second epic piece you've finished for this fandom, but I can't help but hope that there's still more to tell. I look forward to the next new beginning.
| Tiamat42 chapter 13 . 3/21/2008
How do you write a review when a cat has decided to lie on your mouse hand (mouse included) and purr loudly? Silly kitty.
Ahem, yes that was random. Anyway, extracting hand from cat, I finally finished reading this. I meant to do it much earlier, but I really wanted to sit down and read the whole thing over at once, because I'd managed to forget what was going on between chapters, and I haven't had much time for protracted reading lately.
I very much approve of your Valda. I found her a very enjoyable character to read about. A good person, aware of her status, a little arrogant, but all around likeable. I'm glad you made her a nice person, and didn't give her some kind of 'impending doom' cloud above her head for the whole story. Yes, yes, we know she has problems later, but that's not what this story's about... :)
After all, she must have been a charismatic, admirable woman and leader for most of her life, or people wouldn't have revered her enough to hop to it when she started ordering strange things like her own daughter's sacrifice later on.
And your writing got better and better with each chapter. Er, not that it was bad to begin with, but the tense changes and such that I mentioned back in the first couple chapters disappeared by the end. If they were still there, I was probably too wrapped up in the story to notice. ;) Especially the last couple chapters, they were really well done. I noticed a couple of abrupt shifts in scene, like right at the end where Angela is listening in, but I think maybe you just forgot to put the scene break lines in. Or the site's lovely auto-formatting got rid of them. :p
You really seemed to get the hang of messing with the elements, and the magic sounded far more natural than at the beginning, when you were still refering to spells by the in-game names. The flexible approach allowed Valda to do pretty much whatever she wanted, which I liked. It made the battles more interesting and involved, as opposed to, you know, fireball monster dead. ;)
Your plot was very nice, not overly complicated, keeping the same feel of the original game while adding some depth to characters and such. Stupid Dragon Emperor does not know when to stay down does he? Sit. Heel. Good dragon. Sheesh. I especially liked the story of the turtle flute, and how you gave some life and purpose to the er...tomato people. Yeah.
The only thing I don't understand is why the mages of Pedan were angry at Valda. They said she was tainted and unworthy...but I never saw her exhibit anything but good up to that point. She was always concerned with the well being of her kingdom, her people, her daughter, her lover, the world. She didn't even let her relationship with Richard get in the way of more important things. The only thing I can come up with is either they saw her _future_ and wanted to stop it, or they simply considered her whole bloodline tainted, and it had nothing to do with her personally. Still, it left me a bit confused.
Mind you, this is from the viewpoint of someone who played SD3 many years ago, and never delved into side materials, message boards or any surrounding mythos that might lend other insight. So I might simply be lacking in background. (Or memory, I think you already know how bad that is, after the whole thinking Duran/Angela were siblings thing...)
Anyway, all game-knowledge aside, I think the story was a lot of fun, and I'm looking forward to reading the other one...when I'm done with all this packing-moving-unpacking business. So it might be a while. But I will read it! :D
I realized I'm a total hypocrite. Whining about people not reviewing my story, while I completely ignore the ones I've been following. I still don't understand why more people don't review this...ah well, this section of the site is kind of low-traffic anyway, but still...
Anyway, wonderful job! I'd write more, but I've forgotten all the other things I was going to say...I suppose there's still review space for when I remember them. Maybe if I go back and spam every chapter with a review, people will take notice and join me? ;)
| Tiamat42 chapter 9 . 1/8/2008
Hahaha, 'Diabla'. Would have suited her much better, I'm sure. Or Daemona, or Develle...okay, okay, I'll stop.
Wait...wouldn't that make Angela and Duran half-siblings? That puts a whole new spin on thier er...romantic overtones in the game. Ick.
As for class change...maybe they could refer to the Gift of Mana, or the Goddess' Blessing...something that people would pray for and recieve, but doesn't sound like an outright level-up. Or Spirit's blessing, if it's more of an elemental thing. Or even just call it the Rite of Passage, Goddess' Ritual, Rite of Spring (oh wait, that's taken...) or any combination or variation thereof. *has been thinking about this too much, yep*
On another note, great couple of chapters here, the more you make Valda care about her daughter, her country, and the world, the sadder it seems when I think about the inevitable results. Hmm, but not in a _bad_ way, it simply gives some depth to go behind the general shallow, unemotional (and translated) feeling of so many early RPGs. Anyway, good job!
| MaidenMasherV chapter 6 . 12/3/2007
I haven't checked SK3 fanfictions for quite some time and I was surprised to find a completed story with 100k words. I highly encourage you to write an AU post-game story or AU years after the events of Dark and Light featuring the main characters, maybe a crossover of another classic rpg (FF6, Tales of Phantasia, Chrono Trigger, etc). I would sure love seeing Angela doing her crazy magic again.
So far the action and adventure has been very good. I like the part whether the trio get caught for random and the battle against the harpy. Must be tough for the two royals to balance their personal and political agendas. Keep up the good work.
| Tiamat42 chapter 6 . 11/30/2007
I'm a little surprised there aren't any reviews attached to this story yet. You've obviously put time and effort into it, and it seems like the sort of thing that would appeal to more people...but...oh well, more space for me!
It's been ages since I've played SD3, so I'm not really up on details and what's 'canon' and what's original, but that's never bugged me anyway. The story of Valda and how she became what she is in the game intrigues me from the start. I like how you've written her...she seems er, normal. A fairly nice person, concerned about others, even if she keeps her emotions inside most of the time. It leaves me wondering what will happen to her to turn her into the emotionless and somewhat cruel Queen of the game itself. It makes everything she does in this story kind of...bittersweet. Not a bad thing, just sad for the character.
At first I wondered if it was just going to be a re-hash (or pre-hash, in this case) of game events with different characters (go here, see stone, go there, next stone, rinse, repeat) but I think you're adding in enough different stuff to keep it interesting. I really like what you've done with the elements and Valda's spells, putting in some subtle and creative uses, like the lockpicking.
Go evil, I like the Dragon Emperor, because he's...er...evil. I'm a big fan of evil characters, odd as that may seem. Not that I want them to win, simply that I like seeing them developed. I'm hoping to see some more personality there, and with any others you bring in.
Let's see...I always feel obligated to find something to criticize in reviews, especially after seven chapters...
The use of the term 'class change' makes it still sound like a game mechanic and not part of a functioning world. I don't know if that really matters in the long run, and I'm certainly not saying to change it after all this time, but it's just a thought that occured to me.
I noticed quite a bit of tense switching, even within the same sentence, between past and present. It makes some of the reading a bit awkward, not enough to break the story of course, but a bit. Nothing a little proof-reading won't fix. :)
Back to good things! I like the developing romance between Richard and Valda, even if we all knew it was coming. I think, as you said, chapter six was the best chapter yet...a nice mix of action with the Dragon Emporer, romance, and character development.
Anyway, I've probably babbled long enough and should have broken this up into more reviews over the chapters, but I got into reading and forgot to stop and review. I'll probably think of something else later. Oh well, see you next chapter then!