|Reviews for Conscience|
| graciousplum chapter 12 . 2/16/2008
Shiver. Truly scary nightmare. And Irina just needs to take a pill. Good Lord, mellow out girl. Sheesh!
Great update! Can't wait for more!
| TwilightStarss chapter 12 . 2/16/2008
cant wait for the next one!
| soraloveskairi159 chapter 12 . 2/16/2008
AW! Ya know what? I was hoping more of Laurent and Bella-ness would be in this chappie. I swear it, only you could make that coupling seem right!
| twilightscallingme chapter 12 . 2/16/2008
scrabble on steroids that is!
great chapter. I thoroughly enjoyed it and can't wait for the next!
| TwoRubySlippers chapter 11 . 2/16/2008
ren, i just love reading all your work. this one's my favourite though. your writing is just so powerful, and sometimes (like i've said before) its just like reading the books.
but, that won't satisfy you. you want us reviewers to be specific.
Things that i think need improving:
- slight details in the writing. i just mean things like when (in this chapter) alice says, you'll be ready and dressed at 9, when i'll come and dress you. but isn't she already dressed? you had the same problem in the one where emmet waits for her to shower to protect her, and he tells her to get dressed and presentable, but she did just get dressed. its easy to explain away, like he meant dressed and hair done, and alice meant dressed in undies, or whatever. its just that the little details like that can kind of become a bit of a stumbling block when you read. like an annoying typo (like all the ones i make) that makes you look at it really carefully and tilt your head, and go 'hmm... is that right?' when really, you want the readers to just keep going and enjoy the plot progression, not considering your grammar.
- edward isn't really being protective enough. he would let bella be taken somewhere by emmet, or TANYA, IRINA AND LAURENT (!) without telling her? i would think that after the james thing, bella might doubt people when they say 'oh, edward said it was ok'. maybe not emmet, but the denalis definetely. i don't know about you, but when i was a kid my mum said, never get a lift from someone after school, even if you know them and they're my friend, UNLESS YOU GET A PASSWORD! and we had a password, and one time her friend had to pick me up, and i knew it was ok because she told me the magic word. what was that word? i hear you ask... i won't tell you, you might try to kidnap me.
wow. the point of that story was... oh. in my head, SamEdward would let bella know if it was alright for random people to take her places sometimes.
- it kinda felt like you were just crossing jacob off of a list of loose ends. like, he just came because he was a worry of bella's, and it needed to be dealt with. he just sorta forgave everything. and then the treaty. personally, i understand the purpose of jacob in the books (to prove bella's love for edward, to show the different types of love, whatever) but i don't really care that he's sad now. i mean, i do. but i didn't mind your method of dealing with him. but from a story writing perspective, maybe something mroe substantial might have been better.
- wasnt really explained... why does tanya like bella?
Alright, i am seriously stuck for anything else i didn't like. Here is what i love love love about your stories (in order!)
1. I love emmet! no other fan fictioner does emmet like you do... he is so funny, and i love how he interacts with bella... the protective brother thing. you really took the tiny hints meyer gave us and ran with it, and the result is this awesome bear-guy who just cracks me up constantly. "my cupckes" he groaned... laugh laaugh laugh.
2. Edward - put simply, SamEdward (you met him before, the edward in my head) is so much like yours. i can just see him doing all the things that you make him do (with the exception of the one i mentioned above) and how he treats bella. and the way he talks to emmet. his reactions, and love for bella, and guilt over new moon... wicked work ren.
3. Bella. man, some of the time i just want to whack her for her coyness and embarrassment... which is the same feeling i get when you write her! you have her exactly the same as in the book, and you should be really proud
4. laurent was a really bold move to make. but you've done it really well. you justified his inclusion well, and i love the twist, that he likes her!
5. the constant humour! i can't remember any bits now, but overall, your stories are so entertaining! i'm laughing so often... i love alice.
6. (i couldn't put this any higher, i'd feel like a voyeur or something...) THE STEAM! i want an edward bubble bath! or the raunchy scene in the kitchen... meow!
ren, you are simply amazing, and i really hope that this helps.
thanks for making me happy! sam.
my email is
i have no idea how this site actually works...
| TwilightStarss chapter 11 . 2/8/2008
AHH! I went to go to the next chapter.. and there is none! please write more soon!
This story is SO good! I'm glad Laurent is alive.. i mean I always thought it a lil mean how he pops up in New Moon and then dies.. ouch.., like I know he went to kill Bella..but still..we didint learn that much about him.. I'm also happy about it too with Tanya and Irina.. cause we really never hear about them..and your story is just so real.. like its really part of the book D
Keep up the great work!
| Music.Junkie4 chapter 11 . 2/7/2008
Ooh! Laurent's part in there... And what did Alice see? Man, I need to read more! Write, write, write! Update soon!
| BE4ever chapter 11 . 1/18/2008
Don't be cruel!
Post the next chapter already!
I'm begging you!
| NightsofTamara chapter 11 . 1/12/2008
Yay, midnight wedding!
| MajorJasperFan chapter 11 . 1/11/2008
A midnight wedding sounds so romatic. Can't wait for more.
| twilightscallingme chapter 11 . 1/10/2008
Cute. :) Yay for midnight weddings.
| Cue the Starlight chapter 11 . 1/10/2008
Wedding days DO have a tendancy to sneak up on you...not even taking into account picnic-taking Bella-kidnapping vampires. :)
| Selonianth chapter 11 . 1/10/2008
i want a midnight wedding...
| GoodyGoody23 chapter 11 . 1/10/2008
Um, wow. Okay. I actually think that's pretty cool! I loved it. Please update soon!
| Variety-3 chapter 11 . 1/10/2008
How fun, a midnight wedding! What a great idea! Can't wait.