|Reviews for Coming Together|
| Terranova chapter 1 . 6/3/2010
Hey, so it's about time I actually review one of these things. :3
I have read Harry Potter, but I forget the exact relations between these characters, so I'm afraid I cannot do much in-context character analysis, and thus can't judge how well you kept the characters in-character. But that aside, I can judge the story.
The internal monologue you have running throughout the first 2/3 of the story is fantastic. It's consistent, and seems to keep with the characteristic mindset (just after I said I wouldn't be able to review the characters in context, lol...) And it almost goes over the top, which to me has a really nice effect in showing his panic and fleeing thoughts of the situation. It's kind of like that famous car-ride scene from Psycho that shows Marion driving down the road for a good three minutes fleeing the town, and that iconic music is playing, and her face is dead steady, but you can almost feel her panic as she keeps her eyes glued to the road. In this, it works almost in opposite - you understand Remus's thoughts jumping left and right, about ready to explode out of his head, and yet the whole time he walks down the street to the inn, you can just see him walking at a constant, brisk pace, his head dropped down, completely focused and steady... Really nice effect there. And the fact that it dramatically dies down at the end when things work out is great. I personally would put a bit more "ohmygodIfuckedupbigtime" at the point when he's getting up to leave after pouring his heart out to her, since that's basically the point when he realizes that it's pretty much over for him (except, unbeknownst to him, it's not). Otherwise, really great.
There are a couple of lines in the dialogue between Nymphadora and Remus that seem just a little bit out of context, considering the emotions at work. Granted, said emotions are fairly complex (dealing with the events that happened at Hogwarts, Dumbledore's death, Remus's unfulfilled emotions, Tonks's fatigue and annoyance, and a bunch more) and can be a bit confusing, which is a really difficult situation to write in (and you did fairly well there), but a couple of lines sounded almost too playful or not serious enough, like "I am a dangerous, dark creature, after all." There were also a couple of (at least I felt) unnecessary internal-monologue lines in that scene, like "Maybe even longer for her, with the shifts she had been pulling, guarding the village and the school." (I'm just pulling these ones out as examples.)
The only other thing that struck me as a bit odd is how quickly Tonks changed her mind about Remus. Even after his explanation of why he did what he did, it seemed just a little bit quick for her to immediately jump from slap-on-the-face to hey-let's-sleep-together. Granted, the dialogue is perfectly logical in a conversational context; the change of emotions just seems rather quick to me. I'd think, from the context that was presented in the story, it would take a bit more time for her to accept him after his actions against her, let alone express such powerful feelings for him. If anything, it shows a flaky side of Tonks. If that was intended, awesome :3
The ending is very cute :3 I like how they went to bed together and didn't immediately break into sex; that definitely portrays a more mature romance between the characters. However, the "I love you" "I love you too" seemed kind of lackluster, considering the above comment. And I don't get the last line she says to him, but I think that's because I don't fully understand the context of her character. :x I will assume it was impossibly clever and blew the minds of anyone who is a hardcore fan of the series.
So, yeah. Quite good. :)
| TheOfficalGleek chapter 1 . 11/11/2007
cute write more storys
| xLupinxLoverx chapter 1 . 11/7/2007
Thats just...adorable. So in-character and just...cute and wow!
| ThePink1 at Reefside.Net chapter 1 . 11/6/2007
Aaw, that was sweet. And just the right thing for that bit of the story. Catch ya on the flipside, A J.