Reviews for Trainer wars!
Fireblast123 chapter 8 . 11/27/2007
SHWEET!

But I lost. T-T

Ah well, it was awsome nonetheless!
PokeRus chapter 5 . 11/27/2007
Not bad, Jubilife not bad at all, however I'll still crush you in this competition like a worm.

*starts to laugh maniacally* until my Gardevoir dragged me away.
Cevaztyen chapter 7 . 11/25/2007
Arceus vs. Cleffa. The twist? The Cleffa's level 100.
Azure Butterfly chapter 7 . 11/21/2007
Good job, except the gym leader of Snowpoint is a girl...
pshycodevin chapter 7 . 11/21/2007
cant wait till the six on six
avatar the last firebender chapter 7 . 11/21/2007
doesn't snowrunt evolve into glalie?
pshycodevin chapter 6 . 11/21/2007
that girl is a wreck she was purposly trying to kill him so she could have the milotic
Galbinus-Rayquaza chapter 7 . 11/21/2007
Nyeh? I thought Candice (a girl btw LoL) was the Snowpoint Gym Leader? -shrugs-

Well, apart from that, it was a pretty good chapter.. I felt that it could've been better, though. :/ It was a little short for my taste, but the details, although not as much as the previous chapters, were definitely an improvement. ;)

Anyway. update soon?

[Rayquaza]
Galbinus-Rayquaza chapter 6 . 11/21/2007
omg. This was really an improvement from the previous chapter. And I liked it very much. :D

Hmm.. well, I hope that you update soon!

[Rayquaza]
avatar the last firebender chapter 1 . 11/21/2007
hey jubilife can you make the next battle in a prison cell? please?
pshycodevin chapter 5 . 11/20/2007
how about regirock vs a regiice vs regirock in a tripel threat?
avatar the last airbender chapter 5 . 11/20/2007
how about a typhlosion and sceptile vs a feraligator and a houndoom ther is no advantage!
Capybara 773 chapter 3 . 11/16/2007
Erm... you're basically annotating a straight-up Pokemon battle on a DS. No really, just add the HP values and you'd be spot on.

*sigh* If you want to write something like this, you've got to be clever, and you've got to be varied. You've got an interesting little series premise, but unfortunately you are lacking the techniques to be able to carry it off in a successful fashion.

So my advice to you:

1. I think one reviewer already mentioned this, but what you're basically doing is having the pokemon slug out at each other with randomised attacks that have the most vague of descriptions.

You've got to look at each battle as a real life situation, cos' what you've got at the moment is a bunch of amateur trainers just yelling whatever attack comes into their head.

REAL battlers use strategy in their attacks, and they use their Pokemon's strengths to create a basic battle plan to follow. So when you next write a battle, look at what Pokemon you've got, and from there create a plan for each of them to follow. Create reactions, add twists, and from there create a really twisty sort of battle.

And don't just use the cliched 'double team attack, the last one the Pokemon got to just HAD to be the real one'.

That's an abstract way of doing it, where you've got it at the spectator's level. For example's I'll use a Shedinja to illustrate. Let's call him Tanto.

E.g. Tanto vs. Charmeleon: Charmeleon is using fire attacks, which creates a problem for Tanto, as most of his attacks are much weaker, and if he gets hit, he's dead meat. At the moment he's dodging. Since he can't get close without risking getting roasted, he uses confuse ray on Charameleon to screw up the Charmeleon's ability to attack coherently. With the threat neutralised, Tanto is safe to duck in and deliver a toxic attack, and kill the Charmeleon.

2. Get down on the Pokemon's level. If they get hit by a hyper beam, they're gonna be seriously screwed over. I mean, hyper beams pack a serious punch! So you've got to know how a Pokemon may feel when they are attacked, and how they might react. You need to create some tension in this fic if you're gonna get good responses, and right now, there is zip. No particular feeling that either of the two sides is gonna run into trouble, except in your latest chapter. But still, try to work on what your Pokemon is feeling.

E.g. Tanto vs. Gardevoir: Tanto unleashes a shadow ball on the Gardevoir. The attack hits her full-on in the chest, tearing a slight gash and opening up her lungs. Gardevoir gasps for breath, as oxygen stops reaching her body, her head feels foggy, spots start forming in front of her eyes, and with a last gasp of sheer agony, Gardevoir keels over and dies.

3. Try to get some character in there for gawd sakes! Believe it or not, but you can actually get in quite a lot of character into a battle like this, simply by how you portray the Pokemon. Describe HOW they battle, and maybe even add in personality quirks (this goes for humans and Pokemon alike). It makes all the difference.

E.g. Tanto vs. Zangoose: Zangoose is trying to use slash on Tanto, who loops around the attacks easily. Tanto cackles maniacally as he does so, throwing jeering insults like "Get your eyes checked, ya stupid furball!" and "Miss! Miss! I tink a mad kittin's twying to CWAW muy! (little kiddy voice intended)". Zangoose gets more and more aggravated, before lunging, both claws swiping at him, at Tanto, ho stands still. Zangoose goes straight through him, and Tanto laughs at him : "Ha ha, didn't you know I was a ghost? Aww, is the widdle kittie gonna cwy? Get outta here, ya homeless *!" Zangoose sweatdrops, thinking this to be a BIG mistake, and runs for it. Oh, and Tanto kills a Bidoof who happened to be passing. Just to keep the 'finishes with kill' theme going, heh.

To round off this review though, I will say that your latest chapter is a step in the right direction. You're getting better, which is a good sign _. Keep it up!

Sayonara!

Capybara 773
Galbinus-Rayquaza chapter 5 . 11/15/2007
This chapter has really improved from the previous ones. :D Just add a little more description and it'll probably be better. :DD

Anyway. Heh, parents.. they do get a little annoying at times. .o But I hope you'll be able to find time to update.. but try not to get yourself grounded even FURTHER. Lol.

Yay! Milotic vs Dragonair's coming! It'd better be good. :D

[Rayquaza]
Fireblast123 chapter 5 . 11/14/2007
I have a battle fer ya!

Trainer: Zach

Gender: Male

Pokemon: Gardevoir, Blaziken, Beedrill, Pidgeot, Kadabra, Haunter.

Notes: Gardevoir is the only female of the team. Blaziken knows Thunder Punch.

Trainer: Gamble

Gender: Male

Pokemon: Absol, Sableye, Mawile, Spiritomb, Lucario, Vespiquen.

Notes: Mawile has a major crush on Zach's Blaziken.

Battle type: 6 vs. 6
68 | « Prev Page 1 .. 2 3 4 5 Next »