|Reviews for The Battle of Sigma Octanus IV|
| Draggu chapter 14 . 9/29/2015
Hey there mia!
good to see you still around :D i see nat has had a longer tour than your sigma, i had you on alerts but for some reason your stories never showdup on my mail. I'm going through this one all over again, ill put down feedback as i go, 8 years... a long time since you got going. well ciao!
| Katsuhiro chapter 12 . 9/16/2015
Wise words, well spoken. I like Graham.
It might have been more resonant to characterise the three marines who had been with Simmons; even a paragraph or two to give them names, an odd quirk or two. If your reader has a face in their head, their imagination will fill in the rest. It makes it all the more affecting. This story focuses heavily on the gravity of war, and survival. Expanding your cast (and killing some of the archetypes more likely to survive) would have fleshed this theme out more.
I remember reading a book about the D-Day landings. The book was pretty sneaky about it. They focused a few paragraphs on humanising one man for about two chapters or so: Den Brotheridge. Big long descriptions of his training, his marriage to his wife and how handsome he was. Father to his men, damn good soldier. Your classic WW2 hero. Then he's killed by machinegun fire after leading the first charge across Pegasus Bridge: the first recorded Allied casualty of June 6th, 1944.
Particularly in stories about Marines, war is fickle. Your star quarterback is as likely to take a round as the diminutive accountant with a wife and three kids.
On to the next chapter!
| Katsuhiro chapter 11 . 9/16/2015
Hmm, grief stricken or not I'm with the medic on this one. Revenge is no reason to lose line discipline.
Sad to see Beesner go, but then if you're not afraid to kill off your characters, then your audience isn't going to take the combat scenes seriously; bravo! It's a bit wrong, but I have a tendency to write characters with their specific death sequences in mind. There's always readers who are bound to be very upset with you by a given story's end, but omelettes/eggs.
Great chapter. Needlers are horrific, aren't they? That bit in Forward Unto Dawn when the Colonel falls off screen, studded with needles, and the promptly goes *pop* is amusingly gruesome.
| Katsuhiro chapter 10 . 9/16/2015
I've been that guy! I laughed at that, thank you.
| Katsuhiro chapter 8 . 9/16/2015
This was a great chapter. It was written before Forward Unto Dawn existed, but it's funny, the mail format really reminded me of it. They were stealing from you! Nice and compact chapter, great contrast between Natalie and Beesner's situation.
| Katsuhiro chapter 5 . 9/15/2015
Descriptions are getting a lot more vivid. I like the balance of humour in the mix as well. Smythe comes across as a bit of a arsehole a bit suddenly, but doubtless there'll be a reason for that down the line!
| Katsuhiro chapter 4 . 9/15/2015
Poor Beesner; can't catch a break! Eye for detail on the gear the Marines carry was great!
| Katsuhiro chapter 2 . 9/15/2015
There's a lot to like here. Great sense of space with the Warthog, and a tactical understanding absent from a lot of other writers. You capture the sense of disorientation a group of soldiers would experience when stumbling across a hidden ambush.
One thing I'd suggest with battlefield sequences is to think with all your senses; smell and touch in particular. You want your reader wiping the grime off their forehead, their nostrils twitching with that bacon-stink of burnt flesh. The tangible presence of being there; an assault rifle judders, shell casings are burning hot as they tinkle down. It's a damn unpleasant place to be, but communicating that sensory overload is crucial in immersing your reader.
You touch on it briefly when you accurately convey the sense of emergency strength the adrenal high gives your characters as they sprint whilst laden down with gear.
I think first person is more difficult to convey a visual scene (this is purely a personal weakness in my own writing), but you've done a great job here. This is your earliest work so looking forward to watching it develop to where you're at now. Keep it up and don't stop writing!
| Katsuhiro chapter 1 . 9/15/2015
I thought it best to start at the beginning, per your page's recommendation (I'm here thanks to Cannonfodder's recommendation on TV Tropes).
I'm a sucker for the / Halo / message encoding format, have been since Halo 2 came out years ago. I've had a quick glance at your other works and I see you write in the first person, you brave soul!
Looking forward to getting stuck in.
| Shadowclaw98 chapter 27 . 7/24/2015
God...that was depressing. I have a feeling it's only going to get worse. Regardless this has me hooked, and I don't normally say that with fics. Even ones I've been following for a long time haven't had me this interested so kudos
| Shadowclaw98 chapter 11 . 7/23/2015
Ah god, you got me welling up there.
Oh, you might get a spam of reviews on your old fics for a bit so apologies for that. But I really am enjoying this.
| Shadowclaw98 chapter 5 . 7/23/2015
You know what? I hope Jon gets killed. I REALLY hope he gets killed.
Aside from that I'm enjoy this so far.
| Scarlet Rabbit chapter 3 . 6/20/2014
She should really got that checked out. Wouldn't want an infection.
| Scarlet Rabbit chapter 2 . 6/20/2014
Not bad I think the only problem with this chapter is that the gunner wouldn't have waited to be told to shoot.
| Scarlet Rabbit chapter 1 . 6/20/2014