Reviews for To Build an Empire
eko-9 chapter 5 . 5/25/2008
well frist i must say thank you for your acknowledgment i have never had that before second sorry for the late review i lost my internet access third a truly bitter ending for all to realize your fally and then have your world crushed in some sort of repentance the world is a place of balance
The Real Sidekick chapter 5 . 5/22/2008
All right, I apologize for the delay but I wanted to feel how the ending moved me before reviewing. Also I was a bit lazy and now I'm paying for it with all my other stories.

Anyway, I won't beat around the bush and tell you exactly what I thought of the story. That being said, it may seem like I'm flaming you, but far from it.

Well, I understand that out of all the possible endings, this one is the only one that actually fit the story. I mean you can't have Ron waking up and going, "Whoops, my bad guys. Let's just forget about what I've done."

No, we can't have that. So I applaud you on taking a gamble on and ending like this. That being said...I really didn't care for it. I don't know, it just didn't...I didn't like how everyone died in the end. I mean, I knew that it was kinda a done deal that Zorpox would die, but Kim and the baby caught me off guard. It was needed and required, but it sorta seemed like a cop-out.

Now, the way that you described the death scene, morbid as it may sound, was actually quite amazing. Everything seemed to flow. I don't know, maybe it was the multiple stories playing out over a backdrop of a lullaby. Whatever it was, it worked. From descriptions, to conversations, to the betrayal of Drakken, everything flowed perfectly. Also, the final coming around and final return of Ron really saddened this author.

So, I know that the review above seems like a flame, but far from it. I know that you did your best and it shows. Since this is a complete story, I shall give it a numerical review because we both know that you want one and asked me for it. Hahaha.

It took me a long time and I reread the story multiple times to get the review, factoring in the twists, turns, descriptions, unique portrayal of Zorpox, killing of Josh (which still catches me off guard to this day), and more. Finally, after thinking long and hard, I decided that the story deserved a 7.8 out of 10.

Now I know that it seems like an insult, no one wants a friggin' 78 percent on a story, but I want you to know that with a few exceptions, most stories I read get about a 6.5-7.0 overall. The only complaint with the story and it just happened to be a big one, the ending, was enough to knock the score down.

Thanks for providing us here on with a story that went in a new direction with the Zorpox character.

Always at the Author's Side,

The Real Sidekick
Solarstone chapter 5 . 5/14/2008
Wow, that's one ending I did not see coming, at all. A little sad this didn't turn into an epic where Ron wins KP over and remains ruler of the world, but the unique finishing is strangely satisfying as well.
The Real Sidekick chapter 4 . 4/18/2008
Ahh, so one of my favorites returns...Good.

Hmm...All right, I'll start with my constructive criticism. First, the banter between Zorpox and Kim seems kind of...well...odd. It just lacks the feeling that we saw in the previous chapter. I know that you are the author and I'm just a puny reader, but the flow of the conversation, and the beating up of Zorpox seems kinda forced, out of place if you will. My second criticism comes from Zorpox himself, while I know that you said you'd call him Ron just to maintain the image of a collected leader, it gets very confusing if Ron is going around conquering nations if it's really Zorpox doing it. I mean, it's just a little confusing. Also, Zorpox seems to have lost the balance you struck last chapter. The perfect balance that you nailed last chapter where we would have a clever super villain one second, but then a homicidal and crazy person the next.

Other than that, the fact that chapter was pretty good. Seeing Ron emerging and Zorpox slowly softening is a pretty neat insight that most authors address in their stories. Here however, you've brought a whole new spin to the board, so good job. The chapter on a whole was really good, so keep up the good work and update soon.

Always at the Author's Side,

The Real Sidekick
eko-9 chapter 4 . 4/12/2008
holy shinto that was awesome draken haven second thoughts kim two steps from killing ron and ron having a change of heart masterful need to read more
XxGuitarLuvuRoO chapter 4 . 4/12/2008
Thanks for updating! That chapter was really deep, but I liked it a lot! It’s nice to see that Ron is finally starting to realize his mistake, and I can’t wait to see what Drakken is planning! Thanks again for another awesome chapter and please update soon!
Joe Stoppinghem chapter 4 . 4/12/2008
Interesting chapter for an interesting story.

I wonder how this will turn out? I Zorpox be replaced by Ron, thus causing his domain to fall? Or will Kim be able to stop him, in any manner. Or will even Drakken be the one to change things?

May possibilities for this story, thanks
XxGuitarLuvuRoO chapter 3 . 2/27/2008
Now THAT was unexpected! I have to say, that last part really caught me by surprise. Even though Ron is acting mean, I never expected him to kill anybody! I also feel really sorry for Josh, even though I was hoping that Kim and Ron would end up together. I wonder what Kim’s reaction will be when and if she finds out about what Ron did... Well, anyway, thanks for the great chapter and please update soon!
Solarstone chapter 3 . 2/27/2008
Ohh, this chapter clealy illustrates why Zorpox is my all-time fav KP villain. The duality, the madness without being excessive: I like!

The vagueness is infuriating! What the hell are his plans?
The Real Sidekick chapter 3 . 2/27/2008
Ok, had me worried with the title of this chapter. You had me concerned that Kim or her child was going to be the one to bite it. Although, having Josh getting the news and then being bumped off was a unique touch.

I'll forgive the short chapter for major plot points you introduced. The birth was appropriately short (we don't want a full detailed account after all and you handled it with grace. However, the real clincher of the chapter was the ending section between Ron and Josh.

I know I said in my first review that you made Zorpox too methodical and last chapter you made him too insane, but this chapter you really nailed the duality of Zorpox and made him an almost likable villain. The conversation between Zorpox and Josh, Josh trying to talk Ron out of killing him, was amazingly well written and the saying that Zorpox almost felt guilty for killing Mankey was an almost human quality that you interjected into him. My compliments on accomplishing that feat.

However(you knew this was coming), the chapter did have it's flaws. First off, the length. I know I said that I would forgive you but writing a good chapter only to suddenly cut us off was downright mean. *Note the sarcastic and joking tone I'm using* The cliffhanger at the end was a nice touch though.

The other complaint that I had with this chapter was that you keep calling Zorpox Ron. It kinda throws the reader off if you call Zorpox Ron and vice versa. My advise is to just stick with one name and use it.

Other than that...a good chapter over all, just watch the names and I'm ordering you to update soon. No excuses. I don't care if you're failing a class project. We need an update. Hahaha.

Always at the Author's Side,

The Real Sidekick
eko-9 chapter 1 . 2/26/2008
oh man what did kim do to P.O. ron and send him to the brink of maddness i am glad this is a sequel to "Revenge Is a Dish Best Served Cold" i had enjoyed that short story oh just one question will yuri or any other KP characters play a row or was their fate

sealed already any way can't wait for the next chapters
XxGuitarLuvuRoO chapter 2 . 1/20/2008
Nice fic. I mean, I've only read the first two chapters, but I think this story had a lot of potential. Keep up the good work and please update soon!
Solarstone chapter 2 . 1/4/2008
Yes, a sequel to that totally messed-up "Revenge Is a Dish Best Served Cold"! I've got one question, if Ron controls the world he could have anyone he wanted- Shego, Mon, hell even Bonnie might fall in love with his 'bling'- why does he want KP to be his? Is it just pure desire, or is there something else?
inuyashafan49994 chapter 1 . 11/30/2007
hm good one thing tho, do u think u cn make this longer? i like the badboy zorpox plez rite more:)
The Real Sidekick chapter 2 . 11/28/2007
I guess the moral of this story is be careful what you wish for...

You know, and I know you're going to hate this, but, I kinda prefer the Zorpox from the first chapter as opposed to this chapter's Zorpox. In that chapter he seemed like a competent and smart villain with a touch of insanity. In this chapter, he just seemed insane. I know I suggested that you increase the insanity factor, but looking back I think that it takes away from the element of this new Zorpox. My apologies, you had the balance right in the first chapter and I asked you to change the good balance between insanity and badassness.

That being said, this chapter does bring about some new questions. For starters, why does Zorpox care so much about making Kim his? I'm sure you know where you're going with this story, but isn't it our job to wonder while you craft a good story? I know it sounds like I'm tearing you apart in this review, but believe me when I say, it's constructive criticism.

Keep up the good work, and update soon.

Always at the Author's Side,

The Real Sidekick
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