|Reviews for Hitched|
| Guest chapter 2 . 6/21
I was an almost TOTAL Twilight novice until 2014. That's when I started reading the books. I CONSUMED them. But once the movies came out I knew the bare bones basics: Human Girl, Vampire Guy, Werewolf Boy. Oh, and some nonsense about Good Vampires Vs Bad Vampires. Didn't even see a picture of the actors until 2011 when I came across Team Edward and Team Jacob Calendars in the Gynecologist's front office of all places. I recognized Rob because of his stint as *sigh* Cedric Diggory. but had no idea who Kristen Stewart or Taylor Lautnor were.
| TalonAmom chapter 11 . 3/18
awesome chapter. keep up the good job.
| blondferretgirl chapter 29 . 2/22
| blb1000 chapter 5 . 1/5
Love how calm & matter of fact he is. Who can fight against that?
| mommymac0508 chapter 28 . 10/17/2016
I really enjoyed this thank you for the great read
| CoppertopJ chapter 25 . 8/1/2016
Still cannot believe that girl denied him watching his children grow. Such a selfish person!
| CoppertopJ chapter 22 . 8/1/2016
I know Bella, is young, hormonal, and suffers from low self esteem, but I am adding stupid to the list for this Bella!
| Messy Bronze Hair chapter 28 . 7/29/2016
Okay, so I just want you to brace yourself because I got a lot to say and it might seem harsh. I know that you wrote this story a long time ago, so I can accept everythjng more gently. Before anything, I'm apologizing in advance in case I offend you. But in always honest in my reviews and I have a loooot to say about this one.
So where do I start. Well, I liked the storyline, the whole 'getting married in Vegas and waking up beside a stranger' makes things interesting. But when I started reading I imagined this being an angsty story because of Bella's story, but instead they have to pretend to actually love each other and on top of that Bella is pregnant.
So here is the thing girl, you should have done some research before writing anything that includes medical knowledge. First and foremost, most people don't even know that they are pregnant during the second or third week of the pregnancy. The reason, because there is barely a fetus there. Secondly you can't find out if you are pregnant or not that early in your pregnancy, because like I said its to early, the fetus has barely developed. This is unless you go to a hospital and they drawn blood. And the third thing, you can impossible find out the baby's gender through an ultrasound in week twelve. That's when you are out of the risk zone to get a miscarriage.
So, Bella did not remember the wedding night. I have to tell you that I find it utterly distasteful that she does not. And the fact that she lost her virginity that night to Edward (who was not as drunk as her) makes everything sound so much worse. I would not go as far to say that it looks like Bella was raped, but it was close, almost as she was taken advantage of.
Then there was the age thing. Just no. When you wrote down those numbers in an A/N in the middle of a sentence it made me question a lot of things. This whole thing made everything would like a stupid joke, based on their ages. And I did not like it at all. Like I said in my previous review, I would have preferred if all of the characters was above 25, becase that would make things sound real.
Back to your Bella and Edward. Can't say that I liked either of them. Bella being so insecure that she just ran the moment her EX shows her a picture of Edward hugging and kissing Jewels cheek, just no. I hoped that Bella would beat Lance's face and turn it into a bloody meat chunk, that was the biggest disappointments. And Edward imagining everything like a fairytale. I expected som hardcore drama between these two, but this two has a relationship as smooth as silk. Like I said, just no.
Now down to the structures of your chapters. How exactly were you thinking when you put like 10 A/Ns in every chapter of this story. One or two (in the beginning and the end) in one chapter is enough. But you put so many A/Ns and 90% of them were in the middle of a sentence in the actual story. I can't begin to tell you how huge of a buzzkill that actually was. I mean I don't care that you at that moment had a cheeseburger craving and that's why you had 'Preggo-Bella' have the same craving, or that you put a certain name of a character in the story because that particular character is from one of your favorite shows/series that you watch. Maybe some of your readers appreciate you putting an A/N in the middle of no where in the story, but it was annoying as f**k for me to keep colliding with one all the time. So keep this in mind. For future preferences you might remember putting your thoughts into the end A/N of a chapter. Cause I think that 50% of your story was just your A/Ns.
Oh, and one last thing. Your story had some serious spelling/grammar errors, or just some mistakes. Make sure to have a couple of pre-readers or betas in the futures that can read your chapters before you post.
So again, I want to apologize in case I was to harsh. This was just my honest opinion. I hope that you have/had better luck in the future with writing fanfics. And who know, I might bump into another one of your stories!
Have a good weekend.
Messy Bronze Hair
| Messy Bronze Hair chapter 7 . 7/29/2016
Okay, so I usually try to avoid reviewing a story before I have finished it, but this really can't wait.
So I know that it has been what 7-8 years since you wrote this story, but I feel like I have to tell you this anyway.
An author should usually try to avoid writing A/Ns in the middle of a chapter, or in your case in the middle of a sentence. It absolutely kills the mood reading a story. So far I have bumped in what 3-5 ANs. So if you somehow please remove this it would be great.
And another thing. You have written that Edward has graduated Harvard with honors in business, and Emmett has graduated Yale, but Edward is 22 and Em is 21. While Bella is 21 year old working in a model agency and picking out models. I mean nothing seems put together. How can Ed be 22, have graduated Harvard and have an amazing career, regardless of his father being the CEO of the company? Things like that takes time. I can't imagine either of them being 22 and 21 and being that successful. I imagined that everyone being at least 25... So I what just happened.
Well so far this story is interesting. Let's see what happens next!
| Blood RoseMK chapter 1 . 5/25/2016
What a lovely start and amusing
| Guest chapter 7 . 10/29/2015
Hard to believe Esme pushing her son, Edward to marry at age 22.
| Guest chapter 23 . 9/9/2015
Yhh because staying away for 4 months makes sense! God she's a moron and bring pregnant doesn't excuse it.
| Guest chapter 21 . 9/9/2015
Sadly this chapter ruined the story for me. Bella is being extremely childish running without even speaking to Edward. "No" on the phone to Jake, she sounded just like a child.
| MiccaF chapter 29 . 8/24/2015
Love this story! Great job :-)
| cullenlover88 chapter 29 . 5/22/2015