|Reviews for The Ultimate Weapon|
| sw0216831 chapter 10 . 2/20/2013
Very good story so far bro. Looking forward to new chapters. I remember how hectic college can be. Hang in there and keep up the good work.
| Life Element chapter 10 . 11/26/2012
Please, pleas, PLEASE update!
| MysticMadameRover23 chapter 10 . 2/24/2012
This story really gives a better understanding of Exile's back story. I can't wait for it to continue. Keep it up. :)
| Sora W.T.K chapter 10 . 12/9/2011
It's nice to see this updated and continued. Loving the story so far and this new chapter, while short, was heavy with emotion.
This was one of the few RR stories that inspired me to write my own and I loved reading through it again. I hope to see this continued right up until the end.
| Sora W.T.K chapter 9 . 10/30/2010
Aagh, this is very good so far. And it just started getting even better when the Rovers realized Exile is still alive.
I hope you come back to this story someday to continue it.
| Sora W.T.K chapter 5 . 10/30/2010
Hey, this is pretty good so far. Great details and the writing is pretty good. What disheartens me is that this story has not been updated in two years, since so far I'm liking it a lot. I wish to see it continued soon.
| Alpha Wolfie chapter 9 . 5/4/2010
A lot of what has already been said is true. Aside from the occasional spelling error (or some of the syntax errors in your chapters 1 and 2,) your story is developing nicely. I daresay it stands as a rival for the best Road Rover fan fiction I've seen.
Your writing style has progressed well since the first few chapters. Each chapter after the third has shown a little more maturity in the style and theme, and chapters eight and nine in particular were nice contrasts in theme while still holding the same style.
For starters, it takes a bit for me to empathize strongly with a character in a written story. Among such evidenced factors are detailed character building. You've given a third person perspective on most of the characters in the story that still allows you to feel as if you're in their heads at least in some fashion. You have, in particular, shown a lot of emotion from Blitz and Hunter.
Honestly, the scene that impacted me the hardest of your earlier chapters was the "one year summary." While introducing new characters (and I'll get to them in a moment,) you displayed a scene where Blitz was sitting alone at his table with the two peppermint milkshakes; one for himself and one almost sitting as if in effigy of Exile. It brought me to the sentiment of how that had become an obvious experience they shared as friends, and how Blitz was honoring his friend's memory in such a way.
Even knowing the fact that Exile wasn't dead, I was sitting here feeling my heart wrenching when the descriptions of the characters' own emotions came into play. Knowing the way that it was making Hunter and Blitz both question themselves to their very cores and making them both feel responsible, it made me want to just scream into their world (effectively breaking the 4th wall) to tell them he was alive... Now that's some good storytelling.
One thing of note that I would like to mention, however. While you've done well for the most part in portraying Blitz's stern and bad attitude, as well as his complete inability to cope with the emotional trauma of his friend's death (chapters ago,) and even the borderline mental break-down he was approaching with the scene in the shower, I feel that the last chapters did little to show him in any way affected by the return of Exile as an enemy. He and Hunter both should have been assailed with this, and it seems the focus has largely been on Hunter. I would personally like to see some of the internal monologue, or perhaps even external outrage or something regarding how Blitz is taking the news rather poorly, akin to Hunter.
One other side-note relating to Blitz; while the show failed to make him a serious contribution to the crew at most times, part of that had to do with him being their comedy target. With that in mind, I think it would be appropriate to show him becoming more 'effective' in missions. After all, you had described that in his time after Exile's "death" he had changed so much. Well, given that he'd seemed to blame himself for it, due to his freaking out and all, it would seem Blitz would have worked it into himself not to freak out or lose track of things, almost possibly adopting the German Elitist stereotype to a point. Now I realize you have entered an Elitist in Reggie, but at the same point to see Blitz truly focus on the missions and playing a bigger part (instead of being a weak link like Shag) would be kind of cool.
In other news, I said I'd get to your own characters in this story. Allow me to state that for the record, I generally have poor opinions of introducing "new" main characters into stories that already have their focus. I further feel that usually writers who plug their own 'neat' character into the series tend to ruin the show's integrity. I am a strong believer that most stories do not need these extra characters, and usually I find them to be little more than annoying...
Now, with that said, you're breaking my normal hatred in this story. At first I was apprehensive when it was mentioned that not one but two new characters were entered into the mix. I figured it would be the classic fan-fic team of guys who came into it knowing each other and being friendly, and generally starting to star in the show. I was happily greeted with two individual characters who had little to do with one another, and whose personalities were vastly different. They tend to take as much spotlight as they need without detracting from the real main characters. Further, while Rei is a useful addition, I'm starting to like the character Reggie. I kind of feel his technology is a bit out of the theme of the show, however blaming it on the Space Rovers is almsot a good enough cop out for me. Still, Reggie essentially fills the "Ninja" spot nicely.
Finally, let me say this much. As one of the many individuals who's read this story, I can only scream for more. And while you seem to think that the difference in having a lot of action or a lot of talking is a bad thing, honestly it's how the story will progress best. I personally have enjoyed the chapters that were mostly talk, just as much as the ones that had action. Well there's tension which is introduced in action, the tension is fairly standard. But when it comes to the talking scenes, the tension is interpersonal and it tends to hit harder and more close to home for a reader. Please, don't change your style too much. It's grown into itself nicely, and another change may be unfitting for how well things are flowing, in my own opinion anyway.
Please write more. I beg of you. :)
| One Lucky Unicorn chapter 4 . 1/28/2009
Hi, first time reviewer here. :)
I admit to quickly skimming over this story just to see how you would handle the Rovers, and I must say, I like it. Thank you for doing the following:
- Treating Blitz as a individual with real thoughts and emotions and not (A) an evil sociopath who wants to murder Hunter and rape Colleen, (B) Mother Teresa, or (C) the butt of some giant cosmic joke. He is human (um, so to speak, lol), he makes mistakes just like everyone else does, and he is a member of the team, whether some fan-brats like it or not. Next to Colleen, he is prolly the most poorly-written character.
- Not writing a romance and giving us a good ol’ fashioned action/adventure/drama story! Now, I don’t mind (good) romances, but I have yet to see a good RR one (and that’s even off this site) and secondly, that was NOT what the show was about. I especially like what you did with Hunter and Colleen at the end of the 4th chapter: drawing strength from each other thru their friendship.
- For making a fic about the team and not “The Adventures Of Hunter and Colleen, and The Seven Not-As-Important Rovers”. Again, a big problem with a lot of fics. I mean, you even got Hubert in here (hopefully, he’ll show up more and do more then just give the Rovers gadgets and stuff)! And I really like Colleen, but not how she’s usually characterized in fan-fiction. However, you’ve done a great job of writing her in-character. You’ve nailed Exile’s speech patterns as well. For the most part, I like most of the characterixtion so far.
CONS: There were some spelling and punctuation errors. It’s “transdogmafied” and Coleen is actually spelled “Colleen”. “Ack, du leber!” should be “Auch du lieber”
Hunter is a golden retriever mix, not a Labrador mix. The Master, the names of their vehicles, and the words Road Rovers should be capitalized.
I would also advise using a few more commas and periods in certain sentences so that they don’t look like run-ons, and be careful not to put them in spots where they break up what should be full sentences (in the latter case, this one for example” “Well I guess your right ‘Unter, still ya’ can’t help, but worry.” A comma isn’t required between “help” and “worry”).
This sentence seems rather redundant as well: “All of the rovers immediately stand still and salute the master loyally. “Right away Master!” They all say at once, each as equally loyal to the master as the other. I do like that you stated that they’re loyal to the Master and each other (because I think by the middle of the season, that was a fact, especially with the Master). You could have just said “All of the Rovers immediately stand still and salute the master. “Right away Master!” They all say at once, each as equally loyal to the master as the other.”
Then there‘s this: “Coleen explains in a manner similar to that of explaining to a two-year old that 224.” Initially, I was confused by this sentence, but then I saw that you meant 22 4. Not sure if you noticed the missing equal sign or not. There are some other missing words here and there as well.
Also, you keep mentioning Exile’s super-vision. In the show, he had night, freeze, and heat vision. Since it was day when he was out patrolling… well, I think you get where I’m going with this.
I’m not sure what you mean to have Blitz say when he exclaims “Dha!” (unless he’s actually saying “Ah”, if in which case, just ignore this). I also think Exile used his signature catchphrase too often and at inappropriate times. In the show, he usually does so when Blitz is engaged in one of his quirks or something (like when he talks about biting tooschies).
I must say, I definitely prefer the writing style of third chapter to the first two. I was actually going to comment on how flat the style of the prose was, but the third chapter was written in a far more exciting and interesting manner.
I hope that this doesn’t come across as offensive to you, as I have already run into two RR fan writers who thought that my reviews were flames or just didn’t like what I had to say (even tho it was a lot like this one and I try to never be mean in my reviews). Blind praise was never my style, though unfortunately it looks like that what a lot of people want. But since you said that you want constructive criticism, I hope you find my review useful. This story looks promising, and I look forward to sitting down and fully reading the rest to see what happens.
| S.C. Wolfe chapter 9 . 9/4/2008
Finally a chance to review the latest chapter (even if it is two months late on my part). Well, I can say I’m quite pleased. Muzzle’s still alive! That was worth a five star review in itself. I don’t have much to say grammar or spelling wise, because I didn’t see anything. Also, your style has greatly improved. I was looking back to the intro chapters of the story, and I have to say, you’ve come a long way. Keep up the great work.i wonder what Reg is going to have to say to Hunter? I look forward to seeing Ch 10. Until then!
| MysticMadameRover23 chapter 9 . 7/30/2008
Again the story is amazing. Don't skimp on the details that just adds more intrigue to the story especially with Reg's character. I can't wait to see what u come up with next.
| MysticMadameRover23 chapter 1 . 7/29/2008
I love how you are developing the story with all the details because it is drawing out the suspense absolutely wonderfully. I can't wait to find out what happens next.
| Mr. Forder chapter 9 . 7/23/2008
Yeah, part of the reason I used Exile for that little plot device is because he's my favourite character and after looking at poles on certain fan-sites I noticed Exile seemed to be quite popular with other people too.
Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing up to this point, the comments are very encouraging!
| S.C. Wolfe chapter 8 . 7/17/2008
This story just keeps getting better and better. You have a way with bringing the characters out. The scene in the base entrance however many chapters ago was a little graphic, but it sets up the villains in a way I had as of yet to see on this sight. Gha! What’d they do to exile! He’s my favorite character! I honestly didn’t see the twist coming. I felt so bad for Muzzle.
Personal stuff aside, you’re writing has significantly improved. Give or take a small error, this stuff is quite professional. Well structured, and very well written. Keep up the excellent work.
| Lycans Are Gods Gift To Furrys chapter 1 . 7/10/2008
U got game man :)
| Fan Boy 101 chapter 9 . 7/9/2008
Good chapter. Please update soon.