|Reviews for Fire Emblem: Spellbinding Radiance|
| godofmadness43 chapter 59 . 11/22/2009
nice, and a celebration is also important to boost morale of troops and to take the mind off things
| Poison-Stripes chapter 59 . 11/22/2009
Just wow! What a very nice and pleasant chapter, John. And your story is not meager. Don't ever think that for a minute, man.
| Herr Wozzeck chapter 59 . 11/22/2009
Oh, boy. Johnny, you are oblivious as can be right now. ;)
But that's fun, because it leads to more awkward interactions! :D
Also, two year anniversary! Congrats! Keep going!
| malestromhavoc chapter 59 . 11/22/2009
happy two year bench mark. not many stories last this long with this qaulity. i have been reading this story since it first started. i may not reveiw alot (ot at all) but this story keeps my thinking that fire emblem isn't dead. shadow dragon was OK (which is a sideways person) but this stroy keeps me going back to PoR and RD. keep writing because this is the only long term (100,0 words) story on fire emblem libary that gets an A.
| Blind Cougar chapter 59 . 11/22/2009
2 years now? Hadn't quite realized how much time has passed.
First of all, I'd like to congratulate you on an incredible job with this story. I practically put a halt to everything I'm doing whenever I get an e-mail saying that you've updated. You've managed to craft for yourself an excellent retelling of Path of Radiance that is thoroughly enjoyable.
I've actually been following along since chapter 11 or so. I'm a lurker by nature, but I felt this was a appropriate moment to pipe up.
Again, amazing job with it all so far. From the fillers to the combat, you've done spectacularly. I hope that life doesn't throw you into too much disarray that prevents you from wishing to write. Hope to see the next great update soon.
P.S. Always been a fan of the oblivious guy who can't see it when someone likes him. Can make for great humorous scenes or heartfelt tearjerkers. Though admittedly, I like Elincia just a hair over Jill.
| spygirly chapter 57 . 11/21/2009
Ah, sorry I haven't reviewed sooner. Been busy!
Well, my only major complaint is how John seems to have forgotten the plot of the video game so darn quickly. As I recall he'd replayed PoR several times, so it should've stuck in his head more, the fact that Ike and Elincia come later to save Delbray. And that comment about Jill being a video-game character made little sense...he didn't seem to feel that way about Karla as much. THat idea would've made more sense if it had been touched on earlier I think. (Well too late to change that...oh well.)
I love Bastian. Awesome.
Don't wanna mess with Karla...true dat! haha
Fml is a thought of Geoffrey's? Hahahaha. Actually that added something...overall you characterized him well without getting annoying.
Oh another minor complaint...well I'm a bit surprised that John didn't predict Elincia's heroic impulse. He's obviously gotten to know her pretty well, as well as Ike, so you'd think he could have factored that into the whole "make-a-last-stand-battle-plan" thing.
Interesting strategy, I'll say. Actually my suggestion would've been to have the cavalry make their little last stand-they're on horses, so they can run faster and not get as easily overrun-and place footsoldiers like myrmidons between the trees and stuff...but the elite staying in the castle did make sense.
Clever note about the mages and archers' attacks, too. Actually all the magical details-like the dark magic-very nice.
Oh wow you never tire of epic battles do you? Well at least I don't have to worry about a cliffie...next chapter's already up!
| Poison-Stripes chapter 58 . 11/19/2009
I think it's a very good experiment, John. Well done.
| malestromhavoc chapter 58 . 11/16/2009
couldn't you submit this or would thta be against the rules and coopyright? and the alternating POV's worked.
| godofmadness43 chapter 58 . 11/16/2009
i have a feeling that the BK and Ike and John will probably get their revenge on him soon
| godofmadness43 chapter 57 . 11/15/2009
oh this is going to be good!
| MAH878 chapter 50 . 11/4/2009
Hola, we meet again.
Sorry that I disappeared for a long time. My life has been so stressful these past months (what with school, piano practice, homework, working at my dad’s store, and so on, and so on) that I simply had no time to read nor reviewed your epic fan-fic that I adore so much. However, I finally have an opportunity to at least read a chapter.
So apparently last time I check you had Chapter 49 up when I last gave my critique, but now you have, not only chapter 50, but chapters 51-56! Oh crap, I have a lot to catch up then! Well, at least I have 6 chapters to read this weekend! Huzzah! Anyways, this review will focus on Chapter 50; the only chapter that I had time to read.
Ok then, where to begin? Well, I really want to get this off my chest now; it’s your dialogue. Now don’t get too concern, the dialogues between your characters are fantastic and brilliant and I truly adore this aspect of your story, but let give you an example (from the chapter I read) what I’m trying to come across:
(Excerpt from Chapter 50: Two Days and Two Battles)
“I am confident that the side that is superior will win the war,” I said.
“How are we supposed to set up traps on the bridge, though?” Petrine asked.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Our beloved king merely told me that I am to set up traps on the bridge and to make our stand there,” Petrine growled.
“You don't have any ideas on what to do for a trap?” I asked.
“No,” she growled in reply.
Do you see the problem? The problem is that you constantly say ‘I said,’ ‘she said,’ ‘I said,’ ‘she said,’ and, oh boy, how much that bugs the crap out of me! You frequently do this mistake over and over again in this chapter; it is so meaningless! Look, what I learn when you write dialogue is that you give the name of the characters that are speaking and if the dialogue continues then you don’t have to add ‘I said,’ ‘she said,’ or ‘they said’ every single time (this rule only works if two character are talking to each other; however, unless the dialogue contains three or more characters I think to the best of my knowledge that it is acceptable to use ‘I said,’ ‘she said,’ so that the reader can avoid being confused).
Another major problem is your description; mainly scenery description. I think that your description in general is your weakest point. I can’t picture what’s going on in this chapter; there’s barely any description at all. I don’t want to be so negative and harsh but I will admit that you do have good description that appears in some parts in this chapter and your story. Also, you have amazing and vivid fighting scenes which I like and highly respect. I mean, there are some parts that I found in this chapter that needs better description. For example, when you were describing about the Crimea Bridge and how uninteresting it was and said that it looked like any other bridge I felt that you described the bridge pretty well, but you could have deepen the description a bit more (by adding probably the texture, color, so on) because that bridge is so significant to Crimea. Not only that, but illustrate the setting around the bridge so we, the readers, can imagine what the scenery looks like instead of us just visualizing a bridge; however, don’t go over board with description. What I’m trying to say is don’t describe your surroundings to much like don’t have five paragraphs just describing a specific scenery; it’s painful. Keep a minimum amount of description just enough so the readers can see what you see and feel the setting as well. Apply those five senses; they are your friends.
Other problems that I discovered were that some of you sentences seem to be a little bit out of place. The only one that really stood out for me in this chapter was this:
“Selena was riding over, quickly followed by Ike and Titania. The Daein army was destroyed. Jill was back to normal and was riding over with Haar.”
“The Daein army was destroyed” stood out. Why? Well I don’t know if it’s just me being picky but I felt that this sentence (along with the other two) should have been rephrased and moved around a little bit. I would give you my way of saying these three sentences, but I really shouldn’t because this is not my story; it’s yours, and you should really find another suitably substitute that would replace these three sentences so that they can sound a little bit more inventive.
I won’t go rambling on more about the negative aspects of what I uncovered in this chapter. I feel like a bad and malevolent person just listing what I found that’s negative to your writing. I really, really want to say the positive aspects of this chapter and say that you are such fascinating writer! Your dialogue is comical, realistic, and enjoyable to read along with your characters. I love your characters with a passion. I love Elincia and how you portray her as an independent princess and not a stupid broad like in the games. I like so many characters in your story that I can’t go one by one and describe them because it will take to much time. Your character description has gotten a little bit better I have to say. Kudos to you for describing Zelgius and Ranulf with those little details that helps us, the readers, to visualize them better!
I want to extol you on how much I worship your plot and other literary elements in this chapter and the whole story in general; it is that good. I like the relationship between Petrine and John making it complicated for John just to kill Petrine that easily because she changed him completely once he arrived in Tellius and developed some feelings for her as a teacher; I like that. I would like to say these next things as tersely as possibly: Your plot twists are not cliché and are entertaining. In your story you have little build up but a lot of pay off. What I mean by that is during some of your fights, you can feel the suspense that’s going on. I mean, when someone gets stab (this occurs mostly to John) you can feel them getting stab. There’s more but there are so minor that their not worth mentioning.
Overall, chapter 50 is an enjoyable, fun, witty, and great chapter. You manage to hook your readers with excellent fighting scenes, extremely funny and (at the same time) original dialogue, and your characters that you describe from your perspective and your personal opinions about them.
I hope I didn’t upset you in anyway. I just want to point out your weak points and make your story more pleasing so that I can be sitting at my desk gaping every time I read a new chapter from you. This brings me to a point, who cares? Who cares about the description or sentence misplacement or saying ‘I said’ or ‘she said’ one too many time? Who cares if there are tons of grammar mistakes or using poor writing skills (not saying that you do that; I’m just saying)? IT’S A FAN-FIC! NOT A NOVEL! Who cares! Well, I care. People who read this review will probably start yelling at their computer screen by saying, “Get a life Michael Wish!” No da that this is a fan-fic, but how much time and effort the author puts into his story just to make it appealing to his audience makes this fan-fic more than just a fan-fic; it’s a work of art.
Now FoxwolfJackson, I read your profile and it said that you want to publish an original novel under your goals. I have no way of knowing that this fan-fic reflects how you write. I’m also clueless whether that you’re giving this the best to your ability or you doing a half-ass job. Don’t take this as an offense I just don’t know. I love your story with all my heart, and though this is a phenomenal fan-fic it should not be written poorly because it doesn’t deserve it.
To end my review, I would like to say don’t be discourage (which I doubt) by my long tirades about your weak points; just keep my criticism in thought. Please continue writing because I can’t wait for more; you’re an excellent writer. Hail to your story!
Thanks for writing.
| spygirly chapter 56 . 11/2/2009
Nothing wrong with more chapters-the reviews might be a bit slower, that's all. Actually, as far as the practicing speed thing goes, here's my advice; type out the chapters as quickly as you've been doing, but don't edit and publish as rapidly. That way you get the benefit of speed practice but the fic itself doesn't change because of it. (But don't worry, the quality hasn't suffered or anything) Plus if some sort of delay happens, you'll be several chappies ahead of what's actually been published. That make sense?
To be honest the previous "fillers" haven't really been that filler-ish. Character development I consider to be very important, and there was the Zelgius thing.
Except for this one...yea this one was pretty filler-ish. To be honest there were a few repetetive parts. The things about John's age, the title argument with Elincia-now those are really cool, almost motif-like, but I'd suggest trying to write about them in a newer way each time you use them.
Good dialogue with Lucia and Elincia, hahaha. I love that little dance Elincia and John have with the titles. And that age issue.
I do wonder why Elincia wasn't interested in Petrine, though. The insult dialogue with Petrine's amusing, but bit repetetive...I guess that's only to be expected with her stubborn character though.
The most valuable info was about Earth, though. That bit about Petrine seeing him appear cleared up a lot of things. Plus it was really, really interesting.
She caught on pretty quickly about the video games, I thought, which was neat.
| Poison-Stripes chapter 56 . 11/1/2009
“What a technology. Imagine being able to watch these recordings of the legendary Daein drama 'Gearfried the Iron Knight' whenever I pleased! Just have a few people play the parts and act them out and record it and replay when I want,” Petrine said.
Gearfried the Iron Knight?
Really? Isn't that a yugioh card?
To answer your question, yeah it is and as soon as I saw that I had to blink my eyes and reread what Petrine said just so it would register in my brain.
“Actually, that is exactly what we did with our technology. Create fictional videos meant to entetain and sometimes even teach moral lessons,” I said.
“How can I go to your world?” she asked.
“If I knew, I'd go back to visit my old life,” I said.
“Continue,” she said.
“Well, see, some people use technology to create scenes without the need for actual people. They create the people themselves. Don't ask me to explain it. Even I am not familiar with the technology behind it,” I said.
“Oh, I have an idea for when you return to your world. Turning one of the war games we have here into one of your videos back at home. Make it interactive, though. Have a person guess the moves of the opponent and use strategy. If we had that here, I am quite sure I would be better than anyone else!” Petrine said proudly of herself.
“Again, we have done that already. That is actually the direction I am going,” I said.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“... this entire war was actually one of the fictional games as a video back at my home,” I said.
“So you know how this war ends?” she asked.
“More or less. There have been so many deviations from what I know that I am currently not sure of the future anymore. So far, though, overall, the story is playing out the same,” I said.
“... so, you know of all our histories,” she reasoned.
“No. Most of the characters don't have as elaborte backstories as others. In fact, many villains of the game, such as yourself, barely have any backstory and are mainly just there to serve as an annoyance to the player,” I said.
“Hah, I am just an annoyance? What tripe! What am I like in this game?” she asked.
“You are a fuming psychopath with a one-track personality, abuse the phrase “Dog's Breath” way too much, hate laguz, is one of the branded, and gets killed rather easily back at the bridge,” I said.
“Pathetic! I am a majestic warrior. I am still alive. I can still fight, should I get free of here,” she said.
Okay that part was just so full of irony and all that it was just so damn cool I can't put it into words. Just wow. That's all I can say, man.
| Nanospeed chapter 56 . 11/1/2009
Awesome to chapter. To be honest, I was never really into FE: PoR and RD. However I read every single chapter of this story (some chapters even 2 times) and now I'm hooked.
Honestly, you are quite a talented writer and I hope you never stop.
| godofmadness43 chapter 56 . 10/31/2009
man, Petrine is stubborn