Reviews for Little Secrets: 'Lois Lane Versus Gazeera'
Sassenach082 chapter 1 . 10/20/2012
Oh my god.

I am laughing so hard my stomach muscles are in agony and tears are streaming down my face.

Scenes with that dang lizard always make me laugh SO freaking hard!

Thanks for sharing!
clarkfan325 chapter 1 . 6/19/2011
Great & funny story.
mak5258 chapter 1 . 11/25/2007
I absolutely love the... relationship... you have set up between Lois and the twins' pets. It's hilarious! Great short fic, here; my roommate has reinforcement in her campaign against my sanity as I've been chuckling at this. Great.

- mak:) (stupid site won't let me sign in... o well.)
Pony R chapter 1 . 11/24/2007
Should Lois ever make good on her threat to get rid of Gazeera, I'll be happy to adopt him. I've never met an iguana I didn't like. I also really like this story!
Eviefan chapter 1 . 11/23/2007
Loved it. Perry would never hear the end of getting those pets for the kids and I really like how you put in Gazeera's prospective, poor Lizard just wanted out to explore a bit, and just happens to go to the wrong person.

I loved that Lois got protective of Clark when the Iguana bit him. I am also glad that Clark was there to protect the Gazeera from Lois's wrath, no wonder she didn't react well to what Kala did with the Iguana in the box...

Great story.
Trekkie6 chapter 1 . 11/23/2007
{He was out of his cage, yet again, and for once it wasn’t Kala’s fault.} lol I was wondering.

{With reptilian persistence, Gazeera had managed to nudge the edge of the door open.} Smart lizzo.

{The last time he’d escaped, he had ended up on the kitchen table, where Lois had placed a large bowl of salad} lol I thought Lois was gonna try to make a meal out of him or something.

{After that, no one else would touch the salad,} lol

{He stalked across it, tail dragging, and tried to climb down to the floor, succeeding only in pulling the comforter off the bed} VISUAL!

{The black ferret … grabbed the bars in his front teeth and yanked hard, rattling them loudly.} lol He wants out! “No fair! Gazeera’s out; I want out too!”

{Lois had reached into the dryer for a pair of jeans and hadn’t discovered that Jack was asleep in the left leg until she tried to put them on.} Either she’s gonna be the death of those pets or they’ll be the death of her…

{he found a patch of sunshine in the hall and lay there for several minutes, soaking up the heat,} That sounds nice…

{then went underneath a table and tried to eat a dust bunny lurking there.} Ew.

Where is everybody?

{Eventually, he found a surface his claws could hook into} Curtains? Couch? Stairs?

{Gazeera had grown from a skinny little lizard with oversize feet} Like a teenage boy.

{His progress was slow and accompanied by the sound of ripping cloth.} Oh, Lois is not gonna like that…

{the twins were away on Saturday night,} Richard’s? Nana’s?

{Ah, bliss – for one day a week they didn’t have to chase stories or children.} Hey, you take it while you can get it.

{Well, by tomorrow I’ll miss it. Proof that parenthood makes you insane} *nods* My mom had nine so I *know* she’s insane…

{He was presently in the study upstairs,} He’d better not be working…

{Might as well get some sleep now, Lois thought, the grin becoming wicked. I won’t get much sleep tonight.} Somebody’s awful sure of themselves. But then again, they don’t know a lizard’s loose in their house…

{The faint sound of tearing fabric came again, … she couldn’t tell exactly where it was coming from} Back of the couch?

{the ferret-in-the-dryer fiasco} hehe

{Having a ferret run up your leg and into your shirt will make you check every item of clothing for the rest of your life.} Imagine find a bug in your shoe AFTER you’ve killed it putting it on…and not knowing about it until you took it off. Very nice trauma.

{“Oh, shit…”} Those two words can never be good, lol

{It was the adult female human} HA!

{the one who didn’t like him…Even a lizard had enough sense to realize that this creature meant him harm.} Double HA! That would be ‘HA HA’ wouldn’t it? *bites lip*

{Unfortunately, he leaped in the direction he was facing.

Toward her.} *smacks forehead* IDIOT! Ok, but he was scared…

{She tried to vault the table, yelling for Clark, and felt something heavy land on her back.} NO! *dies laughing*

{“Get off me you freakin’ psychotic dinosaur!”} I think that title is reserved for Barney. No one should be that happy ALL the time...

OOH, claws in one’s skin is never a good thing. I hope they have band-aids and peroxide handy.

OH THE VISUAL! I SO wanna shoot this scene…

She can’t kill him, lol; Jason would be hugely upset.

{Gazeera (formerly Ignatius, but even Jason had bowed to the inevitable by now)} Yes, bow to the genius that is Kala! MUWAHAHAHA! Besides, Gazeera’s funnier to say.

{Clark had always assumed that her habit of yelling and swatting at the lizard with a broom was the cause of most of her iguana-inflicted injuries.} Does he assume correctly?

{She had yanked her sweater halfway over her head} In my head her sweater is yellow.

I’ve gotta find out what an iguana’s hiss sounds like, lol

*has a thought and goes back up to check* Lois called him Clark. *blinks* What's up with that?

{“Sonofabitch is in my hair,”} Ow.

{“I swear, I don’t know why I haven’t thrown the little monster off the balcony.} Cuz you’d have to clean up the mess?

{“Jason would be devastated,” Clark told her calmly, keeping the sweater wrapped around the iguana} Details.

{“Lois, he’s just a lizard, he’s not actually – hey!”} Hey what?

{a blunt green head darted out of the loose folds of sweater and chomped down on Clark’s hand … “He bit me!”} LMBO I love this family. They are a source of much amusement for me.

{the iguana began demolishing the sweater} I bet it was a pretty decent sweater too. What a waste…

{“This is the last freakin’ straw, that lizard is going down!”} Sugar we’re going down swingin. I’ll be another one with a bullet. A loaded gun complex, cock it and pull it. Or something like that. I can NEVER get the words right. Even when I’m reading them.

{Clark caught her around the waist and lifted her off the ground,} VISUAL!

{“He bit you,” she roared. “He dies.} lol Like Lex. He stabs you; he deserves to die.

{I will swing that bastard by his scaly tail, right off the edge of the balcony!”} LOL There's a visual. Re Toy Story: "Toss him overboard!"

{“What’s so funny? And put me down!”} lol She says as an afterthought.

{He set her down gently, but didn’t let go; her sweater was still rolling around on the floor as Gazeera tried to escape it.} *sigh* Where’s a video camera when you need one? Meanwhile, Lois is shirtless…

{“Love, he can’t hurt me. Not even the real Godzilla could hurt me.”} Unless his teeth and claws were made out of special K. That’s what I’m calling it now. Fewer letters.

{“It’s the principle of the thing.} Principles are important! Principals not so much…It’s 330 in the morning. What do want from me?

{“You want to pour hydrogen peroxide all down my back. You know I hate that stuff.”} What is she, a weenie?

{“Says the man who’s only ever broken his skin once in his life,”} Low blow. And technically it was twice.

{Lois didn’t help by hanging around in the doorway, glaring at the lizard and snickering whenever Clark muttered, “Darn it” or “Oh, shoot.”} HA! At both of them!

{Clark turned the cage around to brace the side with the door against the wall.} Triumph! And I don’t mean the insult comic dog…

{That accomplished, he went to face the only other creature in the house that might attack him: Lois.} But hey, he might like it.

{“That’s it, he’s going to the pound tomorrow.”} Why not just drop him off in the wilderness? Oh, but it’ll take a while to get there won’t it?

{“Lois, he was probably scared,”} lol Probably nothing. He ended up setting in motion the very thing he was trying to prevent! What a paradox.

{“What on earth makes you think the scaly beast would be scared of me?”} Uh, past experience?

{“Isn’t everyone?” Clark asked with a sly smile,} heh Good one.

{“Appeals to my vanity aren’t always going to work,”} lol But they *do* sometimes!

{“You know I hate that stuff! The fizzing … ugh! I hate it!”} You’d hate it more if it were alcohol…

{“I know,” Clark said. “Just a minute more… I promise to distract you when this is done.”} LUCKY!

{“It better be one helluva distraction to keep me from stuffing that godforsaken lizard down the garbage disposal,”} *sings* It might!

{“I think I can manage that,” Clark said, and kissed her shoulder.} AW. And I forgot to squee when he called her honey.
Dannie Tomlinson chapter 1 . 11/23/2007
He may have won the battle, but the war is far from over. I can just hear Lois screaming "Rematch! I demand a rematch!"

Lilbit4 chapter 1 . 11/23/2007
This was way to funny.
laramary chapter 1 . 11/23/2007
Gazeera really is vishous! So funny when he was on Lois' back though!
lere chapter 1 . 11/22/2007
That's it. You are trying to kill me... My stomach hurts! I'm still laughing! It's the same with me and animals in general: they hate me and even a chiuaua without theet could atack me. And Clark trying to "save" the lizard was great too. I love the comic stories as much as love moments. Thank you for sharing this piece.

Warm hug from Brazil.
t wrecks chapter 1 . 11/22/2007
loved it