|Reviews for Kim Possible: The Freshman Fifteen|
| XyKPfan chapter 1 . 8/9/2008
This is my 4th time reading one of your works and I love all of em! I'm so adding you to my faves! Can't wait for the updates!(Sorry I haven't reviewed for a while-Life's been hectic)
| Donteatacowman chapter 1 . 6/23/2008
These are good beginnings to seemingly separate stories, but I bet you'll tie them all together in the end. I hope you end up finishing this.
| HecatonchiresLM chapter 1 . 1/22/2008
This was a very cool teaser. Hoping thats not all it will be.
| Ran Hakubi chapter 1 . 11/28/2007
Okay, so, yeah, I'll have to keep an eye out on this one. I gotta give a fellow Oklahoman props, you've got mad writing skillz.
Keep on writing in the free world.
| Molloy chapter 1 . 11/27/2007
As charming as I find your episodic format, this prologue proves that if you ever wish to break out into free-flowing novel-length narratives, you have the chops to do it. Most def.
So many plot-lines that combine both the light-hearted ambiance of the KP world but with enough foreboding (MF/Fukishima, Kim’s dream, WWEE) and realism (Kim’s ruminations) to let us know that although we are in the same world with the same characters this is something new, something that can stand on its own.
The Monkey Fist section was an effective beginning. For starters, it had an ironically perfect opening line. In addition to the fore-mentioned dread in the scene, it didn’t shirk the comedic elements in the villains, either.
“My apologies. I’ve been hard of hearing lately…”
One of the things that many fanfiction writers fail to recognize with the villains, especially Monkey Fist, is how funny they are. You strike a great balance in this scene.
The Shego/Drakken scene was also excellent. Very character-focused. And, therefore, very funny. Shego’s inner thoughts were very well done. As much as I don’t really see Drakken and Shego hooking up, you gave a realistic foundation to the possibility of it happening. And the timing of the flower eruption was perfect. The only thing I would have liked to see that I didn’t was Shego’s reaction to accidentally burning Dr. D’s picture. I wonder if he will deduce what happened when he wakes up and sees the ashes.
The heart of the prolog was the middle section—the part that concerned Kim’s silent self-examination. First of all, the symbolism of Kim getting lost among the half-rebuilt ruins of her hometown while she has these ruminations was deftly and effectively underplayed.
Her thoughts were thorough and given due gravity. This character isn’t a caricature of Kim-cobbled together from a few scenes in a handful episodes. She is a three-dimensional person—someone who has been thought-over and developed, someone who has been crafted and nudged into being.
Although another reviewer found foreboding in her dream about the Lorwardians, I found her observation outside Bueno Nacho more portentous.
“The Earth was no longer the expansive universe she traversed in her world saving adventures. It was suddenly a small corner of a much larger whole – a whole that as she looked up to the stars, now seemed a lot more fascinating than Paris or Cairo or Tokyo.”
You have Dr. Director down. From her firm, yet-not-overly officious manner when dealing with matters of business to her ability to relax with Ron.
The very first time I read the scene with Ron and Rufus’ sudden appearance, I was taken aback. It all happened so quickly that I wasn’t sure what had happened exactly. When I reread it, I not only realized what had happened but could also appreciate how the scene mimics the whirlwind of emotions and confusion that Kim must have felt in the sitch. But then I wondered why Ron would have done something like that without confirming it with Kim first. Funny thing, but when I read it a third time, it did made sense. It made sense in a Ronnish sort of way. He wasn’t overstepping his bounds, he was assuming it was what she wanted and just going for it, believing it was a no brainer. In other words, being Ron.
Although there was foreboding when Kim went to sign the papers, I did not see it as a “pact with Satan” type of dread. Rather I saw it as a representation of what every prospective college student goes through when they have to make “the single most important decision of their lives”—choosing a college. Perhaps that is because the reason for Kim’s final decision in the passage below mirrored mine when I had to make that choice.
“The redhead realized that her old life was gone, but that this one was just as good as any of the other new ones she could choose.”
Definitely looking forward to March!
I must confess that this prologue also generated a strong feeling of envy within me. To put it bluntly, there is a better chance of the Miami Dolphins beating the New England Patriots in a few weeks than there is of me ever being able to capture the spirit of the show as well as you have in your writing. Bravo, indeed, sir.
| Pharaoh Rutin Tutin chapter 1 . 11/25/2007
So GJ made Kim an offer she can't refuse.
If this is all being arranged through the GCU administration with helpful lawyers and clerks looking over their shoulders, then most of the fun of collegiate scheduling conflics can be avoided in the first place. Kim and Ron will be missing out on the best part of their academic career.
"I'm sorry, you can't possibly take Political Science 522 to complete your Master's degree. You didn't complete the Freshman skills survey during orientation. You'll have to retake your entire Freshman year."
| MrDrP chapter 1 . 11/25/2007
A rich, dense introduction, with lots of narrative threads to follow. It will be interesting to see how they tie together.
I was surprised by Ron's decision; I really can't see him making the one he did without first consulting Kim. I do hope this will be addressed soon. (Perhaps we will learn that Kim wasn't the only one being played?)
Looking forward to more.
| CajunBear73 chapter 1 . 11/24/2007
Seems the good guys, except for GJ, have some ground to make up in the aftermath of the Lowardian invasion.
Shego and Drakken have a bit to explorer here and whether or not the green lady realizes it or not, her heart will finally drag her kicking and screaming to not being a criminal. Drakken is in a groove and being a good guy suits him.
Kim was setup from the beginning to draft her into GJ. Pretty good honey trap used to secure Ron before springing the already fallen dominoes on her. She's not too accepting of the results, but she will be with Ron. Some unresolved issues of his new prowess on her mind, aren't there? Hope her 'Kimness' doesn't sabotage their relationship. For her to have a more open outlook on the world at large, she should have one for her BFBF too? That nightmare was a bit scary. Ominous foreboding?
Meanwhile the bad guys have their plans in full swing. Monty is doing Fukushima's bidding for now. Both want Ron dead, but the jr. ninja's plans are so shortsighted, he only wants Ron's head. Monty is way beyond that he wants it all, and will take down his 'master' in a double cross later. Can DNAmy be far behind to complicate things for them?
Then Gemini is acquiring Lowardian tech to help him take over the world. Heck of an opportunist, and this should make dealing with him more difficult when he gets rolling.
Soon the fall semester starts and then it all begins.
See ya then!
| daywalkr82 chapter 1 . 11/24/2007
Well, props for a throughly riveting story with only minor grammatical and structural changes needed.
"she came to had come to one inescapable conclusion:"? She had come to one... Simpler.
Takeing his place on Ron’s shoulder... Taking, instead.
Now then, Kim working for GJ is nothing new, but you've managed to make a new twist for it, and Ron's in on it. Good on ya! A D/S ship possibly? Always an interesting story. Commander Argus is still the master when it comes to that, but I have faith you'll make this outing just as appealing. And the most dangerous bits: WWEE scavenging Lorwardian tech, and Monkey Fist back from the essentially dead promise much drama. Also, thanks for the exact date of update, even if it is a ways off.
| Danny-171984 chapter 1 . 11/24/2007
Sweet. It was about time! (JK)
Kimmy felt into the trap I see...Good...Good...
So can Ron fly or something? He kind of did on the last episode (the cartoon that is)...
Man, it seems that Kim is kind of lost now. I hope she finds confort in knowing that Ron will always be at her side. And how did Ron accept such contract without consulting KP? Well...it did give him the change to be with Kim...Sigh...
One of my favorite part in this chapter was when Shego read what Dr.D. wrote about her...it was touching...I'm not going to lie, I'm definitely a Drakken/Shego person. I do believe they make a good couple...Well, keep on writing.
| Stand Alone Battle A.I chapter 1 . 11/24/2007
sweet jebus thats a good start! this chapter has succesfuly set the scene for what is to be no doubt a great story. i hope to see more soon.
keep it up!
| RonHeartbreaker chapter 1 . 11/24/2007
Great start. Lot of exposition up front, especially with the Shego section, but it picked up quickly. I liked Shego's snooping around Drakken, and finding his little stick-figure drawing. Kim's angst - and Betty Director's little plot - were nicely played. And of course the plot - black-market alien technology, Gemini's return, and Monkey Fist's resurrection - promise some serious drama. Gonna be hard waiting for March.
BTW, I noticed a couple of typos: in Kim's nightmare, you want "handsome", not "hansom"; and in the 4th para of Kim's midnight wandering through Middleton, I think you want "The status quo had been slain." And later on in that section: "calm", not "qualm."
| Chatulio chapter 1 . 11/23/2007
Great first chapter.
Why does it feel that Kim has just sold her soul?
| Magnatron The NR Fan chapter 1 . 11/23/2007
Ah, Ultimate Naco Topping, my friend, you've done it again. I can think of no better person to continue Shego, and Dracken's relationship than you. I know that there were many other aspects to this story, but that is the one I consider most important. Everyone else is off to a nice start. If anything Kim's tugged at actual drama more than anybody elses. All those different villians, with all those different plots, it's no big, but Kim's feelings, ahh that's big, as far as Kim Possible goes. I absolutely loved Drakken's book too.
Ah well gotta go.
God bless you.
I am the Eggman!
NetRaptor's Sonicverse! The world's greatest Sonic series!
P.S. I hope I haven't offended you by my new quote. It is in no way meant as sleight against you or your wonderful work.