|Reviews for Remembrance|
| Calise chapter 1 . 5/24/2009
| purvy sage chapter 1 . 9/24/2008
So, a beta request eh?
Well, I've been reading backwards through your fics (starting with Inuyasha) and noticed a big shift with this story.
For the first time I felt involved with the character... I felt Sakura's overwhelming stress and duplicity, and it made me become vested in what happened was going to happen to her. I enjoyed the happy ending... favorite part was the shoe in the hallway and how he "silenced her" after his stumble. Very sexy.
I was still rather confused as to her REASON for trying to keep Sasuke out of her life. It wasn't clear. But, I knew her reason was a powerful one.
I have been trying to figure out what "it" is with your writing style, and I think I've figures it out. You seem to write many short sentances. As a result, the stories seem rushed and almost... gosh, could the word "clinical" make any sense at all?
I know this is only a hobby (as it is for me), but I would like to see more description and a slower pace. Imagine if you wrote an entire chapter on the Hyuga picnic... describing the surroundings, what Naruto and Hinaya's children look and act like... what are they up to... where is Sasuke, what is he wearing, what does he seem to be thinking (if this is from Sakura's perspective), what emotions is she feeling... hat physical symptoms subtely give her away... what is everyone eating... does it smell good or is Naruto facing a grill with three feet of flames and billowing smoke?...
There is so much goodness here in your ideas.
BTW, I liked how you threw in the other characters so non-chalantly. Afterall, this IS fan fiction. I hate when people "re-introduce" everyone.
Also, the characters really seemed to be "in character" (the toughest thing to do).
GREAT ending with Naruto's observations! But dang girl, why oh WHY did you skip the sex? Dear Lord, with all that buildup we only get biceps, a very long kiss and an after-glow "I love you." (I can't imagine Sasuke EVER saying that by the way... but I know us chicks want to hear it).
I wanted to know what he looked like, what he smelled like, what he tastes like... details are the key to hooking your reader.
*steps off soapbox*
In any case, I'll do a bit more reading, and if my "straight-forward" opinions still keep this all fun (that is the most important thing because it's not like we're looking for a Nobel Prize in Literature or something)... then write me again.
Adrid74 AT yahoo DOT com
PS - I got hit by Ike too! We're practically neighbors. :-D
| Uchiha Sumiko chapter 1 . 8/5/2008
I like Sasucakes as a daddy (: CUTEE
| candyluver chapter 1 . 7/4/2008
Awesome! This story was so...I can't describe it. It was sad, but only in the beginning. It's romantic but with something. A spark maybe? I don't know what spell you put on it, but this one-shot is awesome!
| crystal teardrops chapter 1 . 3/2/2008
Cute! I was smiling the whole time! It was very insightful and in-character as well.
| Delione chapter 1 . 2/8/2008
This is a great story! I must say that i luv it! Short but extreamly good! Can u write more? Like a life as a family or something like that? XD I know many people write a family story about htese two but i would like to read yours! XD Hope u will write more goodie goodie story! w
| darklace15 chapter 1 . 1/8/2008
"His voice was doing crazy, wobbly things to her stomach." Excellent word, wobbly. :D This was cute...Sasuke was adorable as a father...and of course I loved it when Sakura finally decided to give in. :D
| canttell chapter 1 . 12/31/2007
With a story like that, you should have more that 6 reviews! So I'm making it 7!
| the blanket chapter 1 . 12/30/2007
Wonderfully well-written. And while I love the idea of Sasuke being good with kids, it's easier for me to think of him as somewhat awkward.
Off to read the prequel. :D
| MewMewPower chapter 1 . 11/30/2007
I was listening to Dancing, by Elisa, when I read this story. The I love yous were very cute. Excellent story!
| SAILORMERCY chapter 1 . 11/26/2007
That was awesome...i definitely felt the tension lol...also very well written and clever. As i was reading this i thought i'd share that the new alicia keys album, "as i am" goes very well with the tone of this story...forgiving and living your life to the fullest.
| Sasuke Rox336 chapter 1 . 11/25/2007
it was pretty gud but please MAKE A SEQUEL!
| xMissxPepperx chapter 1 . 11/24/2007
This is so beatiful :) youve done such a great job writing this, i really got into the story, even if its even just 1 chapter!
its a classic aw story, and youve most probably got loadsa gals like me squeeling in delight lol
keep up the amazing work
| pink-strawberries chapter 1 . 11/24/2007
AH lovely story, written beautifully...not to mention it is rather refreshing to read one where its sakura who calls the shots...
great oneshot for the sasusaku love