Reviews for Blue
Kurai Fabala chapter 1 . 7/8/2013
I can tell you that i read this story abut two years ago, because by that time I wasn't leaving reviews in the stories that I liked. And I regret that a lot.
So I stumbled with this one again while cheking the other stories you write, because I'm totally in love with several of them, so here I am doing a review I should have in that moment.

I loved it. It has been over two years and I still remember this one and how much I liked it. It's one of the best Samus' stories I had ever read. Congrats with such a fine job. And it's in here that you can get a look at how much you had grown up as a writer. Very good job. Please keep doing it.
Beyond Backup chapter 1 . 10/25/2011
Very well written and it keeps the interest. I enjoyed this.
DuQaine chapter 1 . 1/10/2009
Very creative! You have a knack for bringing the reader into the story.. I could clearly imagine the adrenaline and anxiety you described so perfectly. Keep it up!
Data Seeker chapter 1 . 8/13/2008
Dear Raziel12

Good chapter. I don’t know Samus very well, so I can’t say if your OOC or not. But what its worth, I think you did a pretty good job.

The quality is good; good narration, emotion, suspense and great go into Samus’s thoughts and emotions as she struggles with her painful memories.

The basic story plot about Samus struggling with a traumatic memory (Dark Samus) is unique. One question: Why? Is she is really traumatized, or some phazon is in her system (or something) and its messing with her head?

The wholesome standards are good.

The language is clean.

You didn’t get too suggestive when you describe Samus in the shower.

The reference to violence is gross, but somehow you didn’t cross the line. There are some other things that are gross, (like Samus vomiting), but its not offensive.

I hope this review has a good influence on you. God bless.

Data Seeker
Talon88.1 chapter 1 . 11/27/2007
i have to say, your portrayal of Samus is dead on. i love the way that the memories of her past still haunt her, and the vivid imagery that you create really drives home the ideas of what she feels. if your going to make a story out of this, i will follow it to be sure.
DrkVrtx chapter 1 . 11/27/2007
This is short yet brilliant and I encourage you to continue to write more 'Troid fanfiction as I feel that this fic is just a prelude to great things. There were a few spelling mistakes but nevertheless it was an enjoyable read O_*

And yes, Corruption is THE best game in existence O_*
Rinas chapter 1 . 11/25/2007
Amazing! Good job. :)
alleycat1312 chapter 1 . 11/25/2007
My opinion? My opinion is that this is the best piece of Metroid fanfiction that I have read in months. But, as it is with all fanfiction, it is not perfect. Here we go-

1. Typos: "Before he could recove,r she fired." Oops, comma in the word is never good. "The tinny voice of her computer’s AI..." Tiny has only one 'n'.

2. Grammar: You have a very nice varitation with your sentence structure, and I thank you for not boring me to death with simple sentences. However, I've noticed a chronic problem with your compound sentences. The rule of writing an english compound sentences (two or more independent clauses) requires you to join those two or more clauses together with either a comma and a conjunction (blah, and blah) or a semicolon (blah; blah). Prehaps it's just your style, but you should at least follow the rule half the time.

3. Repetition: This literary device can be used to great effect, but you have used it too much. Look at the end of your third paragraph. See the ellipsis (...)? Now, check out the endings of the next 5 or 6 paragraphs. Too many ellipsis. I suggest using no more than 2 ellipsis in one chapter. Go back, find what you want to emphazie and remove the others.

Now, here I am, reading this story and thinking what great word choice and usage you have. Then I read this- " with the hot, hot water". 'Hot' is a common word to begin with; you can do better than that. But the next paragraph is the best-"Down the tunnel went, down, down, down into the brooding deep." I don't need 4 'down' in one sentence. You can do better.

4. Flashbacks: I'm glad you were brave enough to throw in a flashback, and I'm even happier that you italized it. My problem is these sentences-"Later she would have only a few vague impressions and a wordless sense of horror at what transpired. She remembered the flash of phazon, the mad scramble for position as she and her dark other fought across the chamber"

Those sentences are something you would use as a transition to bring the reader back to the present. "Later she would have..." indicates to me that the flashback is over, but you haven't written it that way. I'd go back and edit those two.

5. Good Stuff: You kept me interested the entire time I read this. Congrats. Your style is very mature and rich, something this site is dearly lacking. I liked the story itself, and its pacing.

You included this in your summary-"But the blue was somehow worse, a vividly different shade of horror." And it caught my eye. As I read it again in its true context, I came to the comclusion that it my favorite line. And it is my favorite because of all the words before it. That entire paragraph is excellent build-up.

6. Finally: Good job. I'd love to see more Metroid stuff from you. This is going on my favorites. Happy writing to ya!