|Reviews for My Friend Alice|
| qhrciskrpc chapter 22 . 2/12
So, where"s the other chapter?
| Nyx'sReincarnation chapter 22 . 6/20/2012
Great story! There were a few things that I wanted to comment on though.
The first thing is the vary first part of the story. It's not a preface, ti's a prologue. A preface tels what made the author want to write the story, their detications, stuff like that. A prologue is more like what you've written. I didn't know the difference myself until I looked it up yesterday...
In chapter 1, you didn't explain how the friendship started in the first place. Wel you did, but you could have explained the situation more-you could write what happened 30 seconds before and after it.
I think you could have talked about their simple friendship more before you introduced Edward. Basically, here's how I read it. "Bella meets Alice, she invites B to sit with her at lunch, Edward walks up etc". To me it's that quick. (there are a lot of things at the beginning of the story, but that's pretty much where it is).
Next thing I noticed is that you wrote a chapter (or at least a part of one) from EPOV. If someone were to read your story without reading Twilight, the big secret would be revealed before anything else happened. Part of the mystery is finding it out yourself. I think a good thing to do would be to take out everything that screams "VAMPIRE! up until where Bella finds out for sure. The part where Emmett brings the deer would be OK to keep in as long as it doesn't say anything about the hunt. I don't really remember that part right now...
There's another part that I'm slightly skeptical about. I don't really remember which chhapter it's in though... When Bella overhears the conversation between Alice, Edward and Emmett, they pretty much say that Edward is a mind reader. The only thing is, Bella doesn't even think about it. As a matter of fact, she's surprised to find it out when he tells her. it just doesn't seem right that she'd hear it and not think anything of it at all.
This time when I wrote a note about it I also put what chapter it's in. In ch 14, I noticed that Bella's shocked to see where Edward lives. correct me if I'm wrong here, but hasn't Bella already seen the house when alice invites her over right in the beginning of the book?
One thing about chapter 16... :) (because you asked if people read the A/Ns to put a :) ) LOL
All in all, I think your writing has improved throughout the story. I see it a lot in stories that are the first one that an author has posted. It's amazing to see improvements like that!
In the end when Edward has to suck the venom out, you don't make it seem hard for him at all. It almost seems like he's in a trance when he does it, and it also seems like he's in perfect control. You may want to add something of the fact that he struggled to stop himself but he just managed...
I'm also sad that she doesn't change. It makes sense, but now NM will most likely repete itself in any sequels to this! For the record, I absolutely HATE NM! ... and Eclipse... and Twilight... but I love BD! LOL
I'm not putting this story on alert for two reasons: firstly because it will most likely not be finished, and secondly because I'm not a huge fan of fluff.
I think that's about it. Sorry if anything I said is a bit harsh... I'm working on fixing that now. LOL
Keep up the great work!
Practice makes perfect!
:) :) :) :) :)
| Twilight2121 chapter 22 . 5/26/2010
Oh wow i really enjoyed this storie please update asap please i cant wait to read the rest thanks for posting this up and i will look forward to reading the Fluffy Chapter lol x
| Fruitey chapter 9 . 9/10/2009
i remember looking at and favoriting this story a long time ago before i knew it was you! what a coinkidink ;] anyway. great story! love the plot and the writing style is beautiful. very natural. keep it up!
| KelsandEm chapter 22 . 6/10/2009
im not gonna lie to you i didnt read this yet. because i have two essays due tomorrow that i havent even started and i promised myself i was getting off the computer. but im sure its sublime as usual
and HOW ARE YOU? I MISS YOU.
HAVE YOU SEEN THE STAR TREK MOVIE YET?
sorry i gave a useless review. ill do better next time. i love vladgor.
| KIMMY AHHHHHHHHHHH chapter 9 . 6/10/2009
oh my god kimmy! i love you! and this story! and thi is not blocked on the school computers...what were you talking about? THIS IS SO GOOD! and you sai dthe endiseven better? im thinking impossible...it is already sqeal worthy! aah can you PLEASE write books? kthanks
| hmm.guess chapter 1 . 6/9/2009
KIMMY! AH! you really get a lot done in history class...i love this! it is amazing! i bet you know exactly who this is...hahaha
| TwilightersandMusic chapter 22 . 5/31/2009
PLZ PLZ UPDATE SOON!
| TwilightersandMusic chapter 7 . 5/31/2009
| I-Am-A-KLuTZ chapter 22 . 5/25/2009
GREAT CHAP!Luv ur story!
| Angels of Twilight chapter 22 . 5/25/2009
| FF.netfanHANNAH chapter 22 . 5/25/2009
Totally awesomerific. Definetly looking forward to that next chapter.
Please keep going, i think th ewhole fic is brilliant. And i actually thought that was the end and thought, 'Aw such a sweet ending. but i wish it had gone on longer.' So it is totally amazing.
Looking for that update!
* hannah *
| tizzlexo11 chapter 22 . 5/25/2009
Dear Kim Brown,
it's about time you updated! and...you do own Flowers for Algernon. you may know not it yet, but youre inheriting it from Mrs. Crist. lol. WONDERFUL TWO CHAPTERS! the end of the second have was squeal-worthy :) and i cant wait for more!
| MgaoqiaoM chapter 22 . 5/24/2009
This is good! Update soon!
| handshakesandheartaches chapter 22 . 5/24/2009
okay, so i sort of ran out of things to put in this review, because i used up all my thoughts in the last one...
(i got it!) THAT WAS THE BEST FLUFF I HAVE EVER READ!
beautiful job spidy! (but im still waiting for more...)