Reviews for The Traveler's Loss
nuclearXsquid chapter 3 . 6/29/2008
I think your story is great, and the plot has a lot of potential, but I have a few important tips:

1. Chapter Length: Most readers like to see longer chapters. Three paragraphs just doesn't cut it. Try adding more description, and don't be afraid to combine chapters. When I post my chapters, each of them is at least five pages on Microsoft word.

2. Speaking: When a different person speaks, make a new paragraph. This makes it much less confusing and easier to read.

Example: "Hello Pen dragon," Saint Dane said," good to see you." "Go to Hell," Bobby remarked. "To bad Bobby, you are already here. Are you ready to die?" " No, the question is are you." "Bye Pendragon." With that Saint Dane lunged at Bobby, but Bobby was expecting it. "You will have to do better than that to kill Bobby Pendragon."

Should be:

"Hello Pendragon," Saint Dane said. "Good to see you."

"Go to Hell," Bobby remarked.

"Too bad Bobby, you are already here. Are you ready to die?"

"No, the question is are you?"

"Bye Pendragon." With that, Saint Dane lunged at Bobby, but Bobby was expecting it.

"You will have to do better than that to kill Bobby Pendragon."

3. Grammar: Some sentences just didn't flow or work properly, and the grammar mistakes were downright disgusting.

Example:

He stopped moving and said, "Your right Pendragon. I will have to do more better." With that Saint Dane then vanished from sight.

Should be:

He stopped moving and said, "you're right Pendragon. I will have to do better." With that, Saint Dane vanished from sight.

As long as you work on these three things, you're fic will be awesome!
far out there chapter 3 . 1/13/2008
What where you thinking
XxAutumnLacexX chapter 3 . 12/2/2007
Aww. That sucks. Why did Gunny have to die like that? Other than Gunny dying, this was a good fanfiction. I can tell that you are very anxious for a review or at least a good one. So, here you go, keep writing it was really good.

-Flare (Zale's Girl)