Reviews for Take a Break
xxqiqqixx chapter 1 . 2/15/2012
I LOVED it! :) first review for 2012! I loved it n I love the pair, awesome one shot _* [:
ImmortalxxBlade chapter 1 . 3/7/2011
Meesh! Me likey! Soo good and funny haha!
CYRA1104 chapter 1 . 4/17/2010
It's so cute! I love it! X"3
Spirits.Dawn chapter 1 . 9/7/2009
konan is so nuaghty! and poor leader-sama, being seduced like that...poor poor leader-sama...but then again, he was screwing a pretty girl's brains out!
Kaya-chan chapter 1 . 7/5/2009
Normally, I'm not a yaoi fan, but CRAP this was hot! I couldn't resist. That was really well-written. Keep up this good work!
nikigirl257 chapter 1 . 6/12/2009
best story ever! make another one pleaase!
Sandsibscrazy chapter 1 . 1/31/2009
LOLZ! Loved it! too cute! DO IT IN THE KITCHEN PEIN-SAMA! lol great story!
yours forever blue chapter 1 . 11/28/2008
All right. This fic was /okay/, but there were several perpetual areas of error.

First, the language. I couldn't find a single attention-grabbing, interesting word. It sounded like you just used your everyday vocabulary, as in all the words you'd use for normal speech. I recommend perhaps combining some words that aren't usually paired together- 'witheringly cute', for example. Adding in some unusual and more forceful adjectives, nouns, and adverbs would really spice up your writing.

Second, your adverbs. Oh, God, they killed me. There were WAY too many of them. As Stephen King puts it 'Adverbs are like dandelions. If you have one on your lawn, it looks pretty and unique, but if you fail to root it out, you'll have five the next day, fifty the next.' Next time, try going through your writing and just deleting every little fucker you encounter.

Third, your avoidance of personal pronouns. I do realize that it sounds boring and monotonous just repeating 'he said' 'she said' over and over, and that repeating names sounds just as dull, but your avoidance of them sounds just as bad. 'Origami mistress'? 'Sapphire-haired girl'? Those make your writing sound weak, amateurish, and cliched.

In addition, you've got several instances where you forgot commas, or didn't use a contraction where there should have been one. These are the sorts of things that SpellCheck doesn't always catch, which is why it's always a good idea to carefully comb through your story a few times for those before submitting it.

However, you definitely have some talent under there. Have you ever read Spunk & Bite? It's an excellent book, all about making your writing more interesting, and I think you could really benefit from it. It isn't that you don't have any talent, it's that you just need to refine that talent.

I look forward to reading future, better stories. Keep writing! :3
Xanie chapter 1 . 8/29/2008
This is my first PeinKonan fic to read, and you made me fall instantly in love with them. Bravo!
Ryuu-Kitsune-Onna1 chapter 1 . 6/21/2008
Cool! A new story! Wonderfully written, as usual. Hey, Selene, think you can do me a favor? Think you can read my story and send me a review telling me what you think about it? It's called The Fellowship of Ninja. It would be greatly apprecited if you did.
kira-chan's imagination chapter 1 . 6/15/2008
Gods, I love this story. I've read it probably 3 times! Its just so... perfect. Great job!
chinsui-hime chapter 1 . 4/10/2008
woow. despite the het, I love this fic.I like how you portrayed pein.
Kira Kageshi chapter 1 . 3/8/2008
That was hilariously naughty. I loved every second of reading it!
JasmineRiddleXAngelOfDarkness chapter 1 . 2/24/2008
*dies of massive nosebleed* I thinks thats all I need to say...
Zenkara chapter 1 . 2/20/2008
omg! kawaii!

-serenity
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