|Reviews for Dawn of War|
| anonybot chapter 13 . 2/6/2010
Man I just stumbled on this story and loved it. I just wanna know 1 thing (rhetorically speaking since I'm feeling to lazy to sign in)... When will you continue this story? I'm so dying to read more.
| Catbite chapter 1 . 1/1/2010
eeyop1428 Re: full stop & quotation marks: It is my understanding there are two styles of usage of the full stop: within and outside the quotation marks. It is also my understanding that either style is acceptable.
I would greatly appreciate examples of the errors you believe you found (keeping in mind I use American English).
Thanks for your review1 :)
| eeyop1428 chapter 9 . 1/1/2010
wow, a nice dramatic and emohatic chapter. There's a lot of political tension going through this story and I think you've expressed it quite well throught the characters and actions happening. There's not many stories that have as much expression and clarity in background events, nor such depth in narrative. Although sometimes it could get a little too elaborate and seem to be turning into a monologue, such as in chapter 8, but not too much that I lose the will to keep reading.
I have to point out, though, that there are some grammatical mistakes in your writing: at times you miss out the full-stop at the end of sentences of dialogue; you place the full-stop behind the end of speech marks, and you make some spelling mistakes in places which confuses what the sentence says. I've noticed these mistakes in a few of your past chapters as well. Not trying to be rude but it's not nice seeing these mistakes and they distract me from the story more than anything, as I instinctually spot them. Also, not properly correcting punctuation kind of goes against the rules/regulations of the English language, according to the Agreement from (along those lines), by not respecting correct spelling and such.
So I kindly ask if you could fix that, not just for me but for other readers who might be as bothered about it as I am.
But I still like the story :)
| Firithnovwen chapter 13 . 10/27/2009
This is a awesome story, I really like the character development and the plotline. It's really ordinal and a great read, I can't wait for a update
| Taipan Kiryu chapter 13 . 1/21/2009
Wonderful chapter! I loved how you described the calm before the destruction started. If there is a hell, there must be in there, in those moments in which peace is so tricky.
How deluded the line between Skywarp and Thundercracker could be now, when TC gave up to what it needed to be done? Thoughts are unimportant and principles collapse once action is taken, and in this case there was no turning back.
Waiting already for next chapter.
| Lily Avalon chapter 13 . 12/15/2008
Short, but good. You've written these pivotal scenes very well, especially Thundercracker's.
Looking forward to the next part!
| Bloodie Indy chapter 13 . 12/15/2008
I'm so happy you updated! I love this story. Please don't make us wait to much longer for the next chapter.
| Jaka Tingkir chapter 10 . 10/24/2008
Wow I can really picture this in comic version. The explanations are very elaborate, and the characters are very canon. Congratulations for this amazing fic! I enjoyed it very much, thank you. :D
| ArahsiHasLeft chapter 12 . 10/6/2008
That was... amazing! But what's this? It hasn't been updated since May? I do hope you are alright, and that this story has not been consigned to the pit. I apologise that I cannot express all I loved about this work of art, but as it's 3am in the morning, I seem to have misplace my eloquence. I hope to see the continuation, soon. Good luck.
| wierdbot chapter 12 . 6/29/2008
(Lawd, either you went on an updating spree or I was gone longer than I thought…)
I had to reread Chp. 9 because I was totally lost and, inadvertently, I have commentary.
LMAO at the innuendo in, like, the first line. (Or am I the only one who sees it that way?) And triplechanger love. Squeeful. And Oh. My. God. Is that Skywarp evilness I spot there? *flails* (Vaguely reminded of Scrubs/Todd- “Betrayal Five!”)
Love the focus on Starscream and the beginnings of the douche we know and love. And his geekery. That was just solid awesome. So much so, that I almost missed the Chromia/Ironhide brooding. Twice. Seriously, my eyes just went: *skip* MUSTSEESEEKERS. Damn attention whores. And Starscream channeling Tyler Durden is amazing. Also; "It is time the hammer of justice was brought down upon your kind and we will wield that hammer" A little irony with your cup of megalomania, Starscream?
And: this is probably annoying but AFSKJRWDSJ, I have to get it out: first paragraph, fifth sentence: ‘severe clear’- Is that a mistake or jargon that I’m not getting? And first paragraph after the divide, fourth sentence- you put ‘heavily’ instead of just ‘heavy’. First paragraph after second divide, second sentence: ‘the’ not ‘they’. And the Decimus thoughts- fifth paragraph under fifth divide: ‘thought’ not ‘though’.
Not sure how I feel about the Starscream-Skywarp-Thundercracker interaction. I think I’m feeling some sort of righteous indignation for TC. Loved Soundwave’s small cameo. He’s one of the most constant characters (personality-wise) but authors always bollocks up his characterisation. I think you’ve got a nice level of loyalty/scrutiny going so far. LOL at fanboy!Scream. Too bad the whole hero-worship thing will be the source of his hate and treachery.
And: 2nd paragraph- extra ‘his’ before ‘gathered’. After the first break, after Frenzy’s speech- swap ‘at’ and ‘down’ and add a ‘the’. Third paragraph, third sentence, Soundwave’s POV- remove ‘made’.
Chap. 11 & 12:
OMG the badassery. I’m having a hard time expressing my fangirly joy right now (though TC pity party is still in procession). You’ve got such a good grasp of the characterisation and a great action-plot ratio *is genuinely jealous*
You ended on, quite possibly, the worst cliffhanger ever. I want to know what happens next! I cannot wait for the next chapter.
| tinedanxer chapter 1 . 6/20/2008
Very creative! Mass props! Sorry I haven't reviewed it earlier-I got sidetracked, but you already know about that! ;)
I really do admire your creativity, it is quite striking, the twists you throw in and allusions you make. There are many strings, but they all get tied up, none are loose (if that makes any sense!) And your allusions to the Skyfire/Starscream relationship are rather intriguing... are you gonna expound on that?
All in all, very well written!
| Taipan Kiryu chapter 12 . 5/24/2008
I can see why this chapter is your personal favorite.
Starscream was imposing as a dark and powerful avenger, perfect carrier of Megatron’s plan. Attacking the cancer from its very own core, that’s a very Decepticon way.
If the corrupted Empire was based on lies and appearances, why not using the same wires to suffocate it?
I liked the way Skywarp and Thundercracker never lost faith on their brother, especially Skywarp. The moment he shared with Starscream after Screamer freed them was very unique.
Brilliant work contrasting the opulence of the Senate, an isolated cell of corrupted and manipulated freedom against the misery of the people who found in crime the only path to survival. Starscream is so right. There are no such things as evil and good. It’s all about power. The one who inflicts the pain is in charge, and new ways of justice emerge when a political order is so full of filthiness as this ancient Cybertronian Empire.
No wonder why the Decepticon insignia will start to appear as the new shape of freedom.
| cmdrtekk chapter 12 . 5/21/2008
Fast and quick.
| lilyoftheval5 chapter 12 . 5/21/2008
I can see why it's your favourite, it's a very nice piece. It feels like it should be read in one breahless moment.
| blood shifter chapter 12 . 5/20/2008
knew starscream wouldn't do that to TC and warp. awesome chapter. update soon please.