Reviews for Slip Ups
Tamm chapter 2 . 12/16/2007
Wow. Another nice one! I liked the length on this one... longer is generally better... :)

Anyhow, I liked the mental comments. That would be highly irritating to have people think you are 10 when you are mentally 24 (I think you said 24...). The point is that you portrayed his irritation realistically. It will be interesting to see what else you come up with for the next ones!
figlia del Dio chapter 2 . 12/16/2007
I really like this story a lot. You capture the boys' characters very well. I can really see Peter going off like that in class. And Edmund was just the perfect amount of angsty :) Good job, I can't wait for the other siblings!
elecktrum chapter 2 . 12/16/2007
Very nice! I particularly enjoyed how Edmund kept noticing the physical differences between adulthood and childhood. That, and his inability to relate to kids his age (I can't call them peers since really he no longer has any except for his siblings). Well done! I look forward to the next chapter!
lareine chapter 2 . 12/16/2007
Hey. So yeah, it was kind of angsty, but not inappropriately so. You've captured the right feeling again, I think. Keep it coming!
Lirenel chapter 2 . 12/16/2007
Great chapter! I can imagine Edmund would have one of the hardest times adjusting back of all the kids. And I like how it's the height difference that really gets him, and being treated as a *kid* when he's not in his heart. Hope to get more more soon!
Ellen chapter 1 . 12/16/2007
This is realy good.

Please do more?
Val Evenstar chapter 1 . 12/15/2007
I meant to review this a while ago. sorry it took so long.

This is a great little story, the impact being in its ... almost triviality. It's not a huge event, but it has to be something they dealt with a lot when they came back.

This is very well done. Thanks!
anyabar1987 chapter 1 . 12/13/2007
very good, I love stories that have the siblings struggling in the real world and show how they attempt to adapt brilliant just brilliant
Augrey07 chapter 1 . 12/13/2007
That was soo good, the charecterisation is really good and you should definatly continue soon
FireSenshi2 chapter 1 . 12/13/2007
I really wish that more people would create stories like yours! I loved reading this chapter and I can't wait for the next serving! :)
Tamm chapter 1 . 12/11/2007
Very cool, and I hope you write more soon! I have always liked the concept of the Pevensies knowing more than they normally would when they return. I look forward to seeing more from you.
Cirolane chapter 1 . 12/11/2007
This was nice. I would really like to read what you have in store for Edmund. Update soon, yeah?
Lirenel chapter 1 . 12/11/2007
I do like this story so far. I'm a bit of a sucker for post-Narnia fics like this, and I like how you got into Peter's head and instincts. I would certainly like to read more from the other children's point of view.

However, I would suggest that you don't try and hold your readers hostage for more reviews. I've done so myself in the past, and I find that you are more likely to get *less* reviews, or bitter ones because people don't really like being told to review. A simple request for constructive criticism is much more appreciated. As well, seeing number of hits can be just as fulfilling as number of reviews if you want it to be. Just some advice from one writer to another.
fledge chapter 1 . 12/10/2007
You are so right - it must be the VERY worst experience becoming plain 'old' schoolchildren after having been kings and queens for years and years. A good representation of Peter's "magnificent" High King qualities, even if there is a lot more to kinging than battles. But perhaps you'll show him in a "Political" situation once in a while. I'm looking forward to more of this, Valiant Lucy, for example. Or, if you want more of a challenge, something about Susan AFTER PC...

Anyway, MORE!
LittleOtter chapter 1 . 12/10/2007
Oh, cool! This is an awesome idea! And the whole battle-tactics thing was such a *Peter-ish* situation to portray! Bravo!

I noticed a few spelling and grammer issues - "fawn" is a young deer; you're thinking of "faun" - but other than that, it looks great! And I'm really picky about that sort of thing... :)

More please! D
410 | « Prev Page 1 .. 17 24 25 26 27 28 Next »