|Reviews for The Chrionicals of Menzoberranzan|
| Timothy chapter 1 . 12/19/2015
I suggest trying to find a rhetorical device to explain further why it is unusual for Drow to behave as a normal good Human would behave. Mahalo for writing
| Icy Mike Molson chapter 1 . 12/16/2007
Oof. SteelandFire is right.
I have a feeling you ruished this one into publication. It's not as bad as some that I've read, but there are an inordinate amount of spelling erors here, and, well, they throw off the story. A simple run of the spellcheck would have knocked out about half of these typos, and a quick proofread may have gotten most of the rest. There are less grammatical errors, but they're still in there i na few places too. End result; it looks like you're probabyl a better writer o nthe technical end than this makes it look like. Even the title, Chronicles is spelled wrong. Gotta watch the spelling, seriously.
As for the story itself. Well, first thing I noticed was a little too much exposition on Raneth to start things out. Such things as his parentage and his rivalry can be left out here, and better explainde furter along in the story. Don't get me wrong, it's good that you have this much mapped out for your character, but don't give it to us all at once.
The meeting between Felyn'rae nad Raneth also seems to need some work. there are a lot of things that humans may be shocked to hear or think, but drow family members treying to off each other(even matron mothers trying to off their daughtres) is far from unheard of in drow society. I feel as though the whole situation would happen far differently. Yes, Raneth likes this drow. Yes, he has... God, I hate to say it this way... a crush on her. But still, this is drow we;'re taljing abiout. The two of them instantly hit it off so well that you'd thinkt they were secretly seeing each other on the side. The first thing I fel Raneth would haev thought of was "what a find! A drow priestress, at my mercy! The things I can do once she's healed up!"
Ah, I'll lay off that. I was brutal on your story in the D&D section for this, and so it's not worth repeating for the time being. From the story, I assume Raneth will be going all Drizzt on me within a chapter or two, and people seem to like that in this fandom. So for the time being, I'll just say, watch the technical errors, because the spelling and grammatical errors hurt the story as is...
| SteelAndFire chapter 1 . 12/15/2007
This first chapter's got an interesting plot and I'm excited that you'll be writing more! There are just a few things you can improve on. First, try to eliminate small spelling errors. I know you can spell the words because they're correct in other places. For example, in your last sentence, "prey" should have been "pray." It would have been a good ending, but that spelling error kind of ruined the drama of the moment. Also, a few of your sentences are somewhat awkward. You might try reading them aloud to yourself after you write. I'm just pointing these things out because they seem very minor - all you have to do to fix it is re-read your work real quickly before you submit it - and I'm hoping that your next chapter will be even more enjoyable! It's too bad you won't be writing about Raneth again, though, he seems like a good guy!