|Reviews for Falling|
| FireEdge chapter 1 . 12/27/2007
Wow, it's a record. I've read three happyish stories by you in a row! O Haha, just kidding. But no, I'm not complaining, I like your stories either way. So write whichever tickles your fancy.
This one made me laugh quite a bit, though. I especially liked the parts about Kent's mother turning in her grave and the mental smackings for stupid words coming out of Kent's mouth. Of course, the other bits with the word "Sain" in them ended up quite funny, too. Ahh, Kent, you never cease to bore me. Keep up the good work!
| Zero Admin Eevee chapter 1 . 12/14/2007
A good story. From where I stand, Kent seems quite IC, with few contractions even in thoughts, slight awkwardness, formal, attempting to stay bound to duty and not able to express himself in ways he would have liked and all. That's the impression I get, at least.
In p.4, 'a jab in the side or two' makes me think of two sides, not two jabs... also, perhaps you could focus more on Lyndis' eyes nearer the ending, just to reinforce the point...?
Other than that, though, I really liked this. I'm not usually a fan of Kent/Lyndis, but something about the story got to me- perhaps the detailed insight into Kent's thoughts, perhaps the expressed nature of their relationship, perhaps the inclusion of the other members of the group that give it realism... or many other little things that made a great story.
Anyway, good work. Keep writing :)
| Soul-Emblem chapter 1 . 12/13/2007
I thought it was pretty good.
| Kitsilver chapter 1 . 12/13/2007
Your beginning quote makes me think of the movie "Fools rush in."
Kent's thoughts flow well and I like the bit about his work, how it's the thing that he does best to the exclusion of everything else.
Poor Sain, always getting the short end of the stick. And your Kent is 19? I can see that I suppose, but he seems a bit older with his serious mien. I like the brief descriptions of Lyn and Florina, but the bit about Lyn's eyes holding "many stories that had never been told" seemed a bit much. I have a hard time believing that Kent hasn't spoken to anyone but his mother before he spoke to Lyn. He's not as forward as Sain, but he's not a hermit either. Surely he's spoken to women in the past.
Dialogue feels good. Hmm, the bit about her eyes like the waters of an ocean slipped by me the first time I read it, so I had to reread when he said he could get lost in them. Sweet how Kent was willing to listen to anything she has to say as long as it made her happy; he's such a good guy. The stirrings of attraction/admiration felt very much like Kent, and it was cute how he blushed and hoped she would not see.
Overall, there were some weak points, some descriptions and characterizations that I felt were a bit off. But it was a good piece. I like how Kent and Lyn have only recently met, so we see Kent's feelings while they're still developing. The piece flowed well, moving easily from thought to action to dialogue. Dialogue is solid. Kent's thoughts drove the piece, giving readers a glimpse of all that makes him Kent.
I like it Manna; definitely write whatever moves you to write, but I gotta say, I think I like your lighthearted pieces more than your heavy ones.
| Korsriddare chapter 1 . 12/13/2007
Once again, another well written piece. I love how... serene the whole setting is. And their conversation is very well done.
Have you consider a sequel, in which he finally tells her? In any case, you should write more non-depressing stuff since you are obviously good at it.
| Edward Houshi chapter 1 . 12/12/2007
I liked it a lot. I can tell you're not used to writing less depressing things, but you have a natural talent for writing, period, and it shows. I especially liked the metaphore about the undertow in Lyndis' eyes.
You shouldn't write something if you don't enjoy it. Write what you enjoy writing, even if some people don't like it, it's their choice to read.
| Maxmagnus20019 chapter 1 . 12/12/2007
Nice, nice, I liked it, it does seem like something that would happen to Kent.
Kent, the guy who can't speak up and Sain, the man who cannot STFU xD
| Forced Simile chapter 1 . 12/12/2007
Totally procrastinating, but this is worth it. You totally write squee worthy KentLyndis fics. Lovely!
Let's see...I particularly like how you write Kent. I do love him as a character (I love the conflicted knight types...), but I like how you write him the best. Particularly with his awkwardness around women.
I also love your attention to detail. I find that when I write longer stuff, I gloss over details to further the story, but the way you slow things down is just so wonderful
| IVIaedhros chapter 1 . 12/12/2007
A nice little one shot...while I can't confess to looking too closely, you seem to be getting better with your stories' "flow". Descriptions, thoughts and dialogue all smoothly transition here and the characters are nicely fleshed out. If I had to nitpick, I would have to ask what is the significance of this particular event? What really makes it stand out from all the other times that he's undoubtedly mooned over her?
| Fan Fan Girl chapter 1 . 12/12/2007
No one died!
(recovers from heart attack)
Now that my heart is beating again, ACK! You ended the second sentence of the first paragraph with "with"! Bad, bad girl.
Gosh I feel like a grammar nazi. Let's get on with life, then, shall we?
I can really see the effects of other reviewers' comments and character discussions on the forums in here. Oh, and if you didn't know already, I lurk on the FE forums. XD I love reading what you guys have to say. Anyways, the bit in the second paragraph about work really stood out, I thought. (Speaking of the second paragraph, it's not "lovely creatures", it's "lovely creatures," - just so you know.) It really helped define part of Kent's personality. He's so level-headed and serious, it's funny to see him contemplating women and (gasp) children. Yay for you. Pulling this off well. Yay. :3
Gosh, sorry to interrupt my own thought processes again, but I discovered another error. "...and Lyndis, with her high cheekbones and large, slightly slanted eyes that held many stories that had never been told..." In this sentence, "that" is the big danger. I know that you know that we know that "that" is supposed to connect Lyn's eyes with untold stories, but the way it's placed I'm not sure whether the cheekbones have stories or the eyes have stories or Lyn's characterisitc of possessing of high cheekbones and large eyes somehow has stories. Sorry, but I just read a book on grammar and I NOTICE these crazy things now. So if I were you, I'd rewrite that sentence so that the "that" is specific to whatever it is that has stories.
Anyways. Back on topic. Again. I find your characterization of Kent so cute... How he hasn't spoken with a woman since his mother and is so awkward with Lyn. Hehehe. And I'd feel sorry for Kent if his only friend was Sain. XD
Kent keeps obsessing about her eyes, too. First he gets hung up on the stories, then the green irises, then the ocean, and then it's him losing himself in them. Maybe you should have titled this "The Lyn-And-Her-Creepy-Eyes Fic".
...You know, I should strangle myself. You realize I'm kidding, I hope?
Anyways, sweet story. I like your romance better than your tragedy, to tell you the truth. But that's just my crazy opinion. Good job on this one!
I love your word choice. And your verbs, so active! And of course the little shining spots of humor, like the kids thing. Hahaha... I'm still laughing at that one. Great work.