Reviews for Santa Elena Welcomes You
Sprite3 chapter 6 . 10/4/2008
Interesting Isabelle perceived Tessa's interest in Helm. It might be funny how she can play the match maker with these two.

I think your writing is finally evolving and getting better as the story goes forward, especially with the discussion between Marta and Isabelle, and how Isabelle feels and sees the fiesta going on with a different angle after the revelation she had made. This is the kind of writing that I enjoy reading, being inside a character's head as if time stops for a moment, instead of just reading bland conversations that we often find in fanfiction.

And ah I hope Montoya is going to feel something for Isabelle and he won't just be up for another evil scheme of his! I love it when bad guys are not so bad, and good guys are not so good, I like gray zones and things like that. It's unclear to me yet what his true intentions really are, but he seems to be genuinely interested by Isabelle, catching her in one of her weak emotional moments. They seem to have connected during their dance, I wish it is not just part of a role he is playing kekekeke.

One last question: did you refer to "La Bruxa" and "Las Blancs Flores" (typo, title is "Las Blancas Flores") by Los Californios? Just wondering, as both songs are featured on one of their CD :D
Sprite3 chapter 4 . 10/4/2008
Wow, I am curious about Lord Haley and Helm's reaction to his name... a little recap or explanation about him (if indeed he comes from the TV series) would have been useful to me ahah.

I think I would even suggest, if you ever consider a rewrite, going into Helm's POV and let the readers know about his anger towards Haley, and why he feels that way. That would so much more connect the readers to Helm, but also give them more details about the story they share tha njus hearing about the story from Isabelle, and we would even get some insight about his feeling for his brother Andrew.

It was touching to see Tessa and Isabelle get acquainted, I would have loved to know more about Tessa's feelings about feeling estranged in a new place just like Isabelle does at the moment. It would have been a nice parallel to develop some more in this chapter.
Sprite3 chapter 3 . 10/4/2008
ahAH Montoya is finally revealing he is planning something! Great! I liked how Grisham explained the situation with the stabbing, that was truly in character with his personality.

I felt this chapter was kind of too short. And I find myself wondering where is Tessa, and what will she do in this story :) I can't wait for something to happen to Isabelle now, like the time she is spending with her brother is just bloated with scenes to make the reader wait and wait and wait some more. Make something happen! ;)
Sprite3 chapter 2 . 10/4/2008
I found chapter 2 to be more interesting in terms of descriptions, though you still fell for the trap of the eye color description right from the start with Marta.

I really liked the exchange between Montoya and Isabelle, it was short but interesting, and I am guessing from the premise of your story description that there will be more to it in the near future.

I think after reading two chapters, that I am a little distant with the story, as if the narrative never went deeply for emotions, thoughts and inner turmoil the characters could feel, or if we do happen to jump into someone's thought, it is only for too short a moment. :) Hope you understand what I mean, again, this is for constructive criticism, little details that you may want to keep in mind when you will write your next story.

On to chapter 3!
Sprite3 chapter 1 . 10/4/2008

just happened to start reading this story, mostly because I saw your other new story and you referred to this one as being the first, so here I am reading it.

I have only a vague memory of the TV series, having watched it a long time ago, so I don't recall if Robert Helm's sister had been presented to the viewers, or if she is a creation of yours. I am curious to know what role she will play in this story, as well as hear more about her and her brother's past, and what was so wrong with their father. Helm was such a mysterious character, we never really got to learn much about him.

The premises of your story is still somewhat unclear to me, as for now we have just been introduced the characters and very few details. In fact, I have to admit that I was left hungry for more of two things: some sort of "plot kick" (for lack of a better word), and what I mean by that is some sort of cliffhanger, evil plan, secret, anything, which would prompt the reader to read the next chapter out of curiosity, like an initial spark. For example, Montoya and Grisham don't seem to have anything in mind for now, and are merely contemplating how interesting the situation is, Tessa we just don't know what she is thingking, and Isabelle did not reveal anything that would be considered a plot development, the father's death not really giving way to something else in terms of plot.

The other thing I wish there was more of is atmosphere. I found most of your descriptions were simply about the tone of voice and physical appearance of all the characters (describing eye and hair color for one, is something that really should be avoided in any first chapter of any fanfiction imo), while we never really went deeply into their thoughts. I am a lover of details, I just adore when people describe other things besides clothes and faces, such as objects, the buildings, the smells, the weather, something special in the room the characters are in, etc. A few sentences can change the tone of the story amazingly well if one is aware of this simple "trick".

Anyways, this is constructive criticism of course :) Jumping to chapter 2!
Griever11 chapter 6 . 5/10/2008
I loved this! Its a wonder why I didn't find this sooner. Can't wait for the nextx installment
imagination-has-wings chapter 6 . 5/2/2008
I love this story. I wonder what will happen with Tessa and Dr. helm, and if Isabelle will fall for Montoya. Can't wait for part 2.
El Gringo Loco chapter 6 . 12/23/2007
A well written story, true to the series, and very much in keeping with the spirit of the times. I look forward to reading more of this author's work.
Nr.Six chapter 6 . 12/22/2007
Nice chapter! I wonder when the Queen will come! I wonder what Montoya is planning...
highland girl 1592 chapter 6 . 12/22/2007
Beautiful story!I loved it.I hope that there will be more about my favorite doctor.:)
highland girl 1592 chapter 5 . 12/22/2007
Marta dosen't know how right she is about Isabelle being like a scared little hawks fying over head.:(
highland girl 1592 chapter 4 . 12/22/2007
Great chapter!That was kind of Tessa to give Isabelle her mother's asking(or rather ordering)Isabelle not to wear mourning for their father,I suppose that old man didn't deserve it.:)
Nr.Six chapter 5 . 12/20/2007
Woehoee more more more! Great chapter!
Nr.Six chapter 4 . 12/17/2007
O so sweet that Tessa gave her that gift! And how Isabella reacted!

Thanks for updating! Can't wait for the rest!
Nr.Six chapter 3 . 12/17/2007
O I can't wait to find out what happens when Helm comes to have dinner with Tessa, if she still plans on inviting him, please update soon? Thanks!
21 | Page 1 2 Next »